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E3 09: Trailers - The best, the worst and the bizarre


Ubisoft Tween Games 2.0
We’re not hating on the tween market - god, even saying “tween” makes us feel like pedophiles - in fact, it’s great Ubisoft is targeting what they think is an untapped demographic. What we hate is that this cutesy trailer promises Ubisoft will continue to shit out nigh-unplayable games that are pandering to young women. And who is this trailer designed for? Ubisoft’s not going to play this “sizzle reel” on MTV. So why was it made? Consumers? Journalists? Shareholders?

Borderlands - PC
We’re pretty confident Borderlands is going to be a game to watch for, but this latest trailer only hints at its possible greatness. 30 seconds of “sure, okay.”

Gran Turismo 5 - PS3
Sure, it looks good but besides that Nascar reveal and the hint of car damage, the trailer looked incredibly realistic. All the video was missing was a soul. Shouldn’t the game appear fun at least?

Crysis 2 – PC, PS3, 360
YES! Crysis 2! Multiplatform! Let’s see what it looks like on a console! Wait, where’s the gameplay? Oh, hey, a logo. This trailer sucks.

Halo Reach - 360
When Halo 3: ODST hits shelves, it will include a pass to the multiplayer beta of Halo Reach. What’s Halo Reach? Unfortunately, this trailer won’t tell you. Or get you excited. But at least you get a carefully planned marketing hype machine.

Dragon Age: Origins – PC
Did McG just direct a Lord of the Rings movie? Blood, sex, Marilyn Manson, dragons. Yup, BioWare just made another trailer that will look nothing like the game. So is everybody ready for the new shit?