Skip to main content

BLOGBUSTERS Dream Teams

You know how it is: you're the head of a top secret, highly advanced intelligence agency who has been given permission to assemble a group of elite, superpowered misfits to defend the Earth in the event of something catastrophic happening. But who do you pick? And why? Join us this week, as the Blogbusters answer the question:

Who would you have on your superhero team? And why?

Because seriously, how does one choose? But I figure I'll go practical. You need at least one flyer, one strongman, then maybe one or two for specialised environments, like space or underwater ( we’re talking superteams here, not Thunderbirds – ed ). Fortunately, one guy can fill all of these needs. In fact, there are several candidates. But I'm taking Iron Man over Thor and Supes just because I want to. Well, he also fills the need for a genius, too. So there.

After that, I'd like The Flash (Barry Allen is my Flash, by the way). Speed is a handy thing to have sometimes. Then I'll take Sue Richards, because like speed, invisibility has its uses. Besides, her other powers are nothing to scoff at. Finally, I pick The Martian Manhunter, because he's just one kick-butt dude. Besides being super powerful, he can shapeshift and walk through solid objects. Again, those are handy, and not something I've got yet. Besides, the thought of he and Tony Stark together makes me laugh, so I'm doubling up on my flying men.

So there you have it. Oh, and a name? How about The Enablers? Because they enable me to escape this mortal realm for a bit.

Well. Tony Stark’s Iron Man is a must. But it’s got to be the movie Robert Downey Jr version. He’s, by his own account, a “genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist!” and that’s without the suit… He’d be the team’s weapons/vehicle builder, bankroll and the closest thing to a leader they’d have. It’d be chaos but at least the team nights out would be a blast with him along…

Next up I’d have Strontium Dog Johnny Alpha, 2000AD ’s mutant Search/Destroy agent. He’s a good fighter, he has useful mutant powers and he’s a dogged Bounty Hunter, he always gets his quarry. His stoicism would be just the foil Tony Stark would love to butt up again with probable constantly funny results… Plus he has those excellent time technology weapons which are always handy.

The third member of my super team would be Starbuck. Not Dirk Benedict’s version, no, I mean Kara Thrace from the 2004 re-image. Feisty, dangerous and an excellent pilot, she’d get the team where they needed to be. There would of course be a long flirty love/hate relationship between her and Tony Stark, but they’d always have each other’s backs…

And to round out my team I’m going to have to have R2D2. The best little robot there is. Always ready with a winning beep or a handy useful appendage. He’d also be invaluable comic relief with Tony Stark always trying to tinker with his innards… I wonder just how many weapons Tony could fit in the little barrel-like guy…

As for a name, my team would be called Team Complicated because let’s face it; they would be…

Lee Harris I've decided that my team should be made of real people, though I've not limited my team to those existing in the same timeframes.

We need a friendly billionaire to fund the operation, and Bill Gates has proven to be extremely generous with his money, so he's in. I'll insist that any tech he produces is not based on the Windows operating system, however – we don't want to develop a skyscraper-sized robot, only for it to be defeated by the bad guys shouting "Control Alt Delete" at it!

To counter all those pesky man-made and alien viruses, we'll need an egghead back in the lab. Someone whose intelligence and knowledge of chemistry will be able to show those pesky supervillain strains of flesh-eating bacteria a thing or two. Marie Curie is the woman for the job, I think.

Next up we need someone strong and adaptable. I don't think you could go far wrong with Daley Thompson, arguably the greatest decathlete the world has ever produced. Who better than someone who can throw, jump and run really well?

And we need a superspy. How else will we get the advanced intel the team needs to keep three steps ahead of the opposition? As an international organisation, Anna Chapman seems the perfect fit. Intelligent, cunning and beautiful; the ideal person to infiltrate enemy territory and report back with mission-saving data.

And the name of the team? Triple-N. No Name Needed. Which is a bit of an oxymoron, I know.

Iron Man – not only could he bankroll whatever ridiculous new Quinjet/Headquarters you fancy, he's consistently funny and you can always take his suit out for a spin if you were to ask him nicely (or at least get him to build you one of your own).

Buffy – kick-ass in a fight, guaranteed to quip out a constant stream of Whedon-isms, and a consistently timely reminder that no matter how much your life happens to suck, there's always someone a little worse off.

Shatterstar – a (according to Wikipedia) superhuman level of physical and mental power, numerous martial arts-knower, and a couple of swords that not only stab people, but can transport the team anywhere they need. Throw into that an omnisexual approach to relationships, and you've got someone who'd keep the soap opera dynamics of the team alive and well.

Jean Grey – she can, when she fancies it, eat planets. That's always handy in a fight.

Alasdair Stuart Well my first idea; get the four smartest people in the Marvel universe together in one place to do SCIENCE! Has already been done. X-Club, written by Si Spurrier, is massive amounts of fun and out in trade shortly.

My second idea though, gets a little bit more esoteric; you take Mina Harker as we see her in League Of Extraordinary Gentlemen , a quietly immortal woman who has access to all England's secrets and you put her in the same room as the one person who can match her. Jenny Sparks, from the Warren Ellis run on Stormwatch . One's an immortal former vampire, the other is the electricity-throwing spirit of the 20th century and they have a lot in common. Plus, between them, they know everyone.

Mina recruits Tara Chace from Oni's Queen and Country as their espionage liaison whilst Jenny brings in Dorothy “Ace” McShane, freshly returned from her travels with the Doctor. Jenny gives them access to the huge, and abandoned, resources of the British Space Group and together, the four of them set about making the world a better place, starting with England. They are the Boudicca Initiative and you're either with them or in the way.

Troo Topham Hmm. Let me see. I think for me it'd have to be:

Dr Julian Bashir – Because who doesn't want a genetically modified super-genius doctor on their team? He would've whipped Worf's spine out and replaced it with a sponge and it'd still work better than the original.

Negi Springfield – Powerful teen wizard teachers with their own army of superhero schoolgirls have a place anywhere.

Sherlock Holmes – Every superhero team needs a member who does not play well with the other children, especially if he's the world's greatest detective.

The Doctor – for when Genocide is the answer.

"Oh god, oh god, my planet's on fire!" is too long for a team name, so I'll go with "Brains".

Pig Monkey I am going to build the super D%26D Party. Every party has its four corners: fighter, wizard, thief and cleric.

Role: Fighter
Name: Darth Vader
Occupation: Dark Lord of the Sith, Vice President of the entire galaxy, Voice of CNN
Abilities: Kick-ass laser sword, telekinesis, precognition, bionic, self-contained environmental suit, armored, being intimidating
Claim To Fame: Flipping the Emperor down the trash chute
War Cry: Do not underestimate the power of the force
Why? It's Vader. He would seriously mess with your day. You don't come out of a fight with Vader and say "that was refreshing"

Role: Wizard
Name: Harry Dresden
Occupation: Wizard, private investigator, Winter Knight, Warden of the White Council
Abilities: Various spells, trinkets and magical devices, access to numerous allies, biting sarcasm
Claim To Fame: Killing all of the Red Court Vampires, using star wars quotes for everything…
War Cry: Is this a paying job?
Why ? Dresden is either lucky as hell or a master of probability manipulation. He should be dead, and he was, but it didn't take

Role: Rogue
Name: Captain Jack Sparrow
Occupation: Pirate, thief, ne'er-do-well, Captain of the Black Pearl, part-time undead
Abilities: Taking things, and then selling them, and using that to buy booze and women, staggeringly lucky, slurring, just staggering
Claim To Fame: Resurrection, captain of the fastest ship on the seven seas
Catch Phrase: Savvy?
Why? Jack is a great opportunist, that is what makes him a great thief. He is a crafty self-motivated independent maritime procurement entrepreneur.

Role: Healer
Name: Leonard “Bones” McCoy
Occupation: A simple country doctor.
Abilities: Gruff, able to order the captain about, hyperbole
Claim To Fame: Being the place where Spock ditched his personality before dying
Catch Phrase: I'm a doctor not a...
Why? Because if one of them dies we get a great exit line

Perfect, now let’s see how they do against the temple of elemental evil...

Team Awesome, Obviously:

1 Scott Pilgrim – Not only is Scott the coolest geek ever, able to headbutt ex-boyfriends so hard that they burst into change for the bus, but he can also handle a flaming sword and provide an awesome soundtrack during the team’s battles. I love you Scott Pilgrim! Whoohoooo!

2 Superman – Because every team needs a sky god who can shoot lasers from his eyes and turn back time using super speed. And it’s my fantasy team which means my rules, so he has to wear his underpants on the outside of his tights. Mmmmmm.

3 Wolverine – He’s the broody bad-ass antihero you can count on to use deadly force whenever Supes decides to take the moral high ground. No sword or clever bad-guy monologue is a match for his adamantium.

4 Spider-Man – He’s able to shoot webs from his wrists, clings to walls, and has Spidey-sense. Normally I find spiders icky, but this one seems to be the exception. I’ve also chosen him because no one else on my team is a genius, and he’s really good at chemistry and physics ’n’ stuff.

Now… FIGHT! And then let’s go for pizza and beer after.

Superteams? Walk in the park! I can only assume Batman, Wonder Woman and Superman spend so much time agonising over the latest JLA line-up because they're trying to make sure everyone's outfits co-ordinate. Join us next week when our intrepid Blogbusters decide what to save for future generations and answer this question:

It’s the end of the world as we know now pick some sci-fi: You have one single slot in the library that will be saved to form the basis of culture when humanity rises again. What geeky thing do you put in there and why?