Why you can trust GamesRadar+ Our experts review games, movies and tech over countless hours, so you can choose the best for you. Find out more about our reviews policy.

Pillaging Herman Melville’s classic Moby Dick, Ryan Little’s cut-price curio swaps marauding whales for dodgy CG fire-breathers and high-seas derring-do for six nobodies arguing in a tank.

An OTT Danny Glover heads up the cast as the vengeful Ahab (“Some say the white dragon let him live, others say he lost his mind!” runs the voiceover; we think the latter).

Joining him in the hunt for precious dragon vitriol (which powers the film’s mythical setting) is an unusually restrained Vinnie Jones.

Sadly, any car-crash appeal is undercut by the cardinal B-movie sin: dullness.