Trilogy Of Terror (1975)
The Cover: A swirly blue oddity with some of the best teeth-bearing we’ve ever seen.
Weirdest Detail: Blonde Karen Black looks on happily as Brunette Karen Black screams right in her face.
Meanwhile, Caveman Karen Black is also screaming, but nobody seems to notice.
XTRO (1983)
The Cover: A young Marlon Brando (probably) gives us the evils as a giant alien considers chowing down on his skull.
Weirdest Detail: The odd back-handed compliment of a review: “XTRO may well make xenophobes of us all.” Great!
Destroyer (1988)
The Cover: Arnold Schwarzenegger’s lesser known little brother wields a power drill. Or something.
Weirdest Detail: Massive body. Tiny head. No amount of gym work will ever fix that.
Death Dream (1972)
The Cover: A fish in army fatigues has had a horrible prank played on him – somebody put jam in his helmet again.
Weirdest Detail: “A boy went away to war,” says the tagline.
Aren’t child soldiers illegal?
Cruise Missile (1978)
The Cover: A phallic missile has been placed rather unfortunately right in front of Peter Graves’ crotch…
Weirdest Detail: Weirder still are the giant floating heads, which seem to be part of a massive, mutant marshmallow.
The Castle Of Fu Manchu (1969)
The Cover: An fairly dodgy sleeve that transforms Christopher Lee’s titular Fu Manchu into an unrecognisable marionette.
Weirdest Detail: The scary moustachioed marionette. He’s looking right at us. RIGHT AT US.
We haven't been this worried since Puppet Master.
Bay Of Blood (1971)
The Cover: Muscular bare arms bury a sizeable blade in some poor guy’s noggin. Understandably, he responds by screaming.
Weirdest Detail: The octopus cameo in the bottom right corner – and the fact that the guy’s head appears to have been ingested by the tentacled limelight-stealer.
The Mad Butcher (1971)
The Cover: A – yes – mad butcher swings his cleaver at his next victim.
Weirdest Detail: That victim appears to be a tiny naked woman who’s caught in some kind of meat grinder. Eh?
Terror On Tour (1980)
The Cover: Clowns who appear to be wearing Bride of Frankenstein’s wig play their instruments while a weird red ooze conjoins them.
Weirdest Detail: Clowns! With guitars! We’re losing our minds!
Wendigo (1978)
The Cover: A tiny man crashes out of a skull, while something bright shines out of the right eyehole.
Weirdest Detail: What on earth has that got to do with the monstrous wendigo?
Ninja: American Warrior (1987)
The Cover: Metal things shimmer and muscles bulge as a ninja teams up with a giant woman with an icepick.
Weirdest Detail: The guy in the bottom left seems to have forgotten to take off his shirt while on the sunbed. Just look at that lovely tanned face.
Humongous (1982)
The Cover: A baby cradle is given a sinister makeover – not least in the form of a skull-and-bones mobile.
Weirdest Detail: There appears to be a leprechaun in the cradle.
Dead Girls (1990)
The Cover: A sinister skull mask hovers behind a really bad ‘90s girl group.
Have they never heard of a hairdresser?
Weirdest Detail: What are those girls actually sitting on?
Invasion Of The Bee Girls (1973)
The Cover: A gang of dominatrix descend on some men in suits, who are terrified by their bare navels.
Weirdest Detail: That tagline, “They’ll love the very life out of your body!”
Er, what?
Hands Of Steel (1986)
The Cover: A very angry Gillette ad man attempts to change a light bulb WITH HIS BARE HANDS.
Weirdest Detail: No wonder this guy looks angry – his hand’s twice the size of the rest of him.
How will he ever find a glove that fits?
Alice Sweet Alice (1976)
The Cover: A strange masked poodle raises a bloodied knife behind who we can only assume is Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Weirdest Detail: The rather large man cooling himself off with a teeny, tiny fan.
This is what John McClane would look like if he ate too many doughnuts.
Fat Guy Goes Nutzoid!! (1986)
The Cover: Strange haircuts everywhere as a fat guy in a suit accosts a bikini babe.
Meanwhile, a policeman crouches by his car.
Weirdest Detail: The title, obviously. Is ‘nutzoid’ even a real word?
Bog (1983)
The Cover: A lily pond appears to be home to a giant-pincer-owning monster that has a predilection for sleeved arms.
Weirdest Detail: That’s meant to be a bog? Looks rather lovely to us.
Magic Of The Ninja (1972)
The Cover: Smile for the camera! A ninja with an animal head prepares to stab us.
Weirdest Detail: What kind of animal is that meant to be? An albino lion? An albino wolf? A pigeon?
The Asphyx (1972)
The Cover: Blue light shines behind a strange silver artefact.
Weirdest Detail: Is it a headdress? Or some kind of dinosaur totem?
We just can’t decide…
Sledge Hammer (1986)
The Cover: Frost covers the film’s logo and drips off the bottom.
Meanwhile, there is an actual sledgehammer…
Weirdest Detail: …which seems to have smashed through somebody’s mask. Or something.
Honestly, we have no idea what’s going on here.
Stuff Stephanie In The Incinerator (1989)
The Cover: Stephanie throws her booty in the air like she just don’t care.
Then notices a boot coming her way.
Weirdest Detail: Just what is Stephanie shovelling?
Some kind of blue kryptonite?
Blood Shack (1971)
The Cover: A giant, mask-wearing slasher raises a ridiculously large blade and prepares to do damage to a quaint little shack.
Weirdest Detail: What’s Daredevil doing with a knife that big?
Space Mutiny (1988)
The Cover: Two blondes arm themselves and strike a Charlie’s Angels pose, presumably in preparation for that eponymous space mutiny.
Weirdest Detail: It looks like it was shot in somebody’s garage.
Planet Of Blood (1966)
The Cover: Interspecies love reigns supreme as an impressively-quiffed spaceman has a close encounter with a green magician.
Weirdest Detail: Is the red man’s head the planet of blood?
Alien Dead (1980)
The Cover: A rather jaundice-looking Alanis Morissette stares into our souls while Vin Diesel peers off into the middle distance.
Weirdest Detail: Morisette doesn’t appear to have a body – her head’s sprouting straight out of the ground.
Bronx Warriors 2 (1983)
The Cover: Sort of a war-time spin on the Star Wars posters, with masses of background action and a crazy rocker with a giant laser gun.
Weirdest Detail: Is that Ozzy Osbourne?
They Came From Within (1975)
The Cover: A guy (we think) with glowing eyes stares intently at something, or someone.
Weirdest Detail: Considering this is a David Cronenberg film, shouldn’t this really be playing up the body horror angle a little more? Possibly using the film's other title - Shivers - might have been an idea.
Roller Blade Warriors: Taken By Force (1989)
The Cover: A skating dominatrix threatens a heavy metal dude with her katana while shamelessly flashing her inner thighs.
Weirdest Detail: One slip and those pants have the potential for eye-watering wedgies.
Shock Waves (1977)
The Cover: Peter Cushing looks on, unimpressed, as Baywatch Girl has her lab jacket (eh?) torn off by a swamp thing.
Weirdest Detail: Aside from the fact that Cushing’s head is massive, Baywatch Girl still has the presence of mind to strike a thigh-exposing pose despite impending death.
Moonchild (1974)
The Cover: A monster clambers over a city skyline.
Meanwhile, a woman serves up her neck as dessert.
Weirdest Detail: Horrible image manipulation aside, why is the monster a cartoon, while the woman’s flesh and blood?
All Gods Children (1980)
The Cover: An old man sucks sternly on his pipe. Meanwhile, on the back cover, a young man consoles another man who’s upset he doesn’t have a gold jumper, too.
Weirdest Detail: “Richard Widmark fights for Justice and Equality for All God’s Children,” says the tagline.
Even though it appears he’s just set a school bus on fire with his pipe.
American Tiger (1990)
The Cover: Thighs! Explosions! Purple skies!
Weirdest Detail: That young man looks somewhat unnerved by the woman slinking up behind him – or maybe he just remembered his name is Mitch Gaylord…
Land Of The Minotaur (1976)
The Cover: A colourful cover for what we hear is actually meant to be a scary Greek horror film.
Weirdest Detail: Just. All of it.
That minotaur has the campest wave we’ve ever seen.
Master Blaster (1974)
The Cover: A soldier has strapped a tiny woman to his gun, and he’s damned proud of it.
Weirdest Detail: The tiny woman actually looks like a tiny man in drag.
The soldier’s in for a surprise.
The Alternative (1976)
The Cover: A man and a woman fight over a chess piece that’s fashioned into the shape of a very creepy naked child.
Weirdest Detail: Why does the man have two right hands?
The Best Of Sex And Violence (1981)
The Cover: A terrifyingly scrawny woman in a bikini is man-handled by a terrifyingly bearded army cadet.
Meanwhile, spooky mists devour their feet.
Weirdest Detail: Is it just us, or is the terrifyingly scrawny woman asking to have that machete buried somewhere the sun don’t shine?
Crazy Fat Ethel II (1987)
The Cover: A bodiless wench with five chins wields a bloody butcher’s knife.
Meanwhile, her hair has a life of its own.
Weirdest Detail: Is Fat Ethel crazy because she’s in desperate need of a haircut?
Seems that way.
Battle Of The Bullies
The Cover: Sort of like a rejected Famous Five book sleeve.
Shockingly, costs a whopping $19.95.
Even most Blu-rays aren’t that pricey these days.
Weirdest Detail: It appears the bullies of the title are a preppy nerd couple.
What bizarro world is this?
The Curse Of Big Foot (1976)
The Cover: A flattering view of a gorilla’s backside.
Does he know this picture was being taken?
Weirdest Detail: It appears the real curse of Bigfoot is that he’s never given enough time to strike a decent pose.
Poor Bigfoot.
Dreamaniac (1986)
The Cover: Freddy Krueger this ain’t – a crazy, giant bald woman crashes through a wall with a shiny knife.
Weirdest Detail: The couple in the bed don’t seem to have noticed their night-time intruder.
Introduction To Muzzle Loading
The Cover: A fox attempts to eat a bearded man’s head.
Weirdest Detail: The man doesn’t seem to mind, instead striking an action man pose with a muzzle.
The Great Skycopter Rescue (1980)
The Cover: A massive, great explosion narrowly misses an air balloon and a plane.
Weirdest Detail: That pasted-on young lady seems to be having far too much fun in a moment of such obvious peril.
Frozen Terror (1980)
The Cover: A snapshot of a fridge, which contains all the bare essentials.
Weirdest Detail: Why is there a beetroot on a plate next to two tomatoes?
Stop the madness!
The Manipulator (1980)
The Cover: Santa Claus watches on and laughs as a dead woman’s corpse is used as a puppet.
Weirdest Detail: What’s Santa doing in this movie?
The Tomb (1986)
The Cover: Indiana Jones (in a trilby) and a permed Melanie Griffith look scared as a bright luminescence gives them the perfect backlighting.
Weirdest Detail: Why is Indiana Jones wearing a trilby?
White Fury (1990)
The Cover: A guy snowboards while carrying a firearm.
That’s going to end in tears.
Weirdest Detail: The gun-toting snowboarder is using the giant man’s nose to steady himself.
Clever.
Think Big (1989)
The Cover: Two muscular guys stand over a truck that’s been taken over by a posse of screaming, posing goons.
Weirdest Detail: The copy-paste job on the duo’s faces looks like it was done by a three year old.
Nukie (1988)
The Cover: Rip-off alert! The cover for this low-budget sci-fi just reuses imagery from Mac & Me .
Weirdest Detail: Poor old Mac has had his antennae lopped off in an attempt to conceal the crime.
Robo Vampire (1988)
The Cover: Just. Mind-boggling.
RoboCop perfects his Mona Lisa smile as a vampire gives somebody a devil’s glare.
Weirdest Detail: RoboCop isn’t even in the film, so God knows why he’s been pasted onto the VHS cover.
