Trilogy Of Terror (1975)
The Cover: A swirly blue oddity with some of the best teeth-bearing we’ve ever seen.
Weirdest Detail: Blonde Karen Black looks on happily as Brunette Karen Black screams right in her face.
Meanwhile, Caveman Karen Black is also screaming, but nobody seems to notice.
The Cover: A young Marlon Brando (probably) gives us the evils as a giant alien considers chowing down on his skull.
Weirdest Detail: The odd back-handed compliment of a review: “XTRO may well make xenophobes of us all.” Great!
The Cover: Arnold Schwarzenegger’s lesser known little brother wields a power drill. Or something.
Weirdest Detail: Massive body. Tiny head. No amount of gym work will ever fix that.
Death Dream (1972)
The Cover: A fish in army fatigues has had a horrible prank played on him – somebody put jam in his helmet again.
Weirdest Detail: “A boy went away to war,” says the tagline.
Aren’t child soldiers illegal?
Cruise Missile (1978)
The Cover: A phallic missile has been placed rather unfortunately right in front of Peter Graves’ crotch…
Weirdest Detail: Weirder still are the giant floating heads, which seem to be part of a massive, mutant marshmallow.
The Castle Of Fu Manchu (1969)
The Cover: An fairly dodgy sleeve that transforms Christopher Lee’s titular Fu Manchu into an unrecognisable marionette.
Weirdest Detail: The scary moustachioed marionette. He’s looking right at us. RIGHT AT US.
We haven't been this worried since Puppet Master.
Bay Of Blood (1971)
The Cover: Muscular bare arms bury a sizeable blade in some poor guy’s noggin. Understandably, he responds by screaming.
Weirdest Detail: The octopus cameo in the bottom right corner – and the fact that the guy’s head appears to have been ingested by the tentacled limelight-stealer.
The Mad Butcher (1971)
The Cover: A – yes – mad butcher swings his cleaver at his next victim.
Weirdest Detail: That victim appears to be a tiny naked woman who’s caught in some kind of meat grinder. Eh?
Terror On Tour (1980)
The Cover: Clowns who appear to be wearing Bride of Frankenstein’s wig play their instruments while a weird red ooze conjoins them.
Weirdest Detail: Clowns! With guitars! We’re losing our minds!
The Cover: A tiny man crashes out of a skull, while something bright shines out of the right eyehole.
Weirdest Detail: What on earth has that got to do with the monstrous wendigo?
Ninja: American Warrior (1987)
The Cover: Metal things shimmer and muscles bulge as a ninja teams up with a giant woman with an icepick.
Weirdest Detail: The guy in the bottom left seems to have forgotten to take off his shirt while on the sunbed. Just look at that lovely tanned face.
The Cover: A baby cradle is given a sinister makeover – not least in the form of a skull-and-bones mobile.
Weirdest Detail: There appears to be a leprechaun in the cradle.
Dead Girls (1990)
The Cover: A sinister skull mask hovers behind a really bad ‘90s girl group.
Have they never heard of a hairdresser?
Weirdest Detail: What are those girls actually sitting on?
Invasion Of The Bee Girls (1973)
The Cover: A gang of dominatrix descend on some men in suits, who are terrified by their bare navels.
Weirdest Detail: That tagline, “They’ll love the very life out of your body!”
Hands Of Steel (1986)
The Cover: A very angry Gillette ad man attempts to change a light bulb WITH HIS BARE HANDS.
Weirdest Detail: No wonder this guy looks angry – his hand’s twice the size of the rest of him.
How will he ever find a glove that fits?
Alice Sweet Alice (1976)
The Cover: A strange masked poodle raises a bloodied knife behind who we can only assume is Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Weirdest Detail: The rather large man cooling himself off with a teeny, tiny fan.
This is what John McClane would look like if he ate too many doughnuts.
Fat Guy Goes Nutzoid!! (1986)
The Cover: Strange haircuts everywhere as a fat guy in a suit accosts a bikini babe.
Meanwhile, a policeman crouches by his car.
Weirdest Detail: The title, obviously. Is ‘nutzoid’ even a real word?
The Cover: A lily pond appears to be home to a giant-pincer-owning monster that has a predilection for sleeved arms.
Weirdest Detail: That’s meant to be a bog? Looks rather lovely to us.
Magic Of The Ninja (1972)
The Cover: Smile for the camera! A ninja with an animal head prepares to stab us.
Weirdest Detail: What kind of animal is that meant to be? An albino lion? An albino wolf? A pigeon?
The Asphyx (1972)
The Cover: Blue light shines behind a strange silver artefact.
Weirdest Detail: Is it a headdress? Or some kind of dinosaur totem?
We just can’t decide…
Sledge Hammer (1986)
The Cover: Frost covers the film’s logo and drips off the bottom.
Meanwhile, there is an actual sledgehammer…
Weirdest Detail: …which seems to have smashed through somebody’s mask. Or something.
Honestly, we have no idea what’s going on here.
Stuff Stephanie In The Incinerator (1989)
The Cover: Stephanie throws her booty in the air like she just don’t care.
Then notices a boot coming her way.
Weirdest Detail: Just what is Stephanie shovelling?
Some kind of blue kryptonite?
Blood Shack (1971)
The Cover: A giant, mask-wearing slasher raises a ridiculously large blade and prepares to do damage to a quaint little shack.
Weirdest Detail: What’s Daredevil doing with a knife that big?
Space Mutiny (1988)
The Cover: Two blondes arm themselves and strike a Charlie’s Angels pose, presumably in preparation for that eponymous space mutiny.
Weirdest Detail: It looks like it was shot in somebody’s garage.
Planet Of Blood (1966)
The Cover: Interspecies love reigns supreme as an impressively-quiffed spaceman has a close encounter with a green magician.
Weirdest Detail: Is the red man’s head the planet of blood?
Alien Dead (1980)
The Cover: A rather jaundice-looking Alanis Morissette stares into our souls while Vin Diesel peers off into the middle distance.
Weirdest Detail: Morisette doesn’t appear to have a body – her head’s sprouting straight out of the ground.
Bronx Warriors 2 (1983)
The Cover: Sort of a war-time spin on the Star Wars posters, with masses of background action and a crazy rocker with a giant laser gun.
Weirdest Detail: Is that Ozzy Osbourne?
They Came From Within (1975)
The Cover: A guy (we think) with glowing eyes stares intently at something, or someone.
Weirdest Detail: Considering this is a David Cronenberg film, shouldn’t this really be playing up the body horror angle a little more? Possibly using the film's other title - Shivers - might have been an idea.
Roller Blade Warriors: Taken By Force (1989)
The Cover: A skating dominatrix threatens a heavy metal dude with her katana while shamelessly flashing her inner thighs.
Weirdest Detail: One slip and those pants have the potential for eye-watering wedgies.
Shock Waves (1977)
The Cover: Peter Cushing looks on, unimpressed, as Baywatch Girl has her lab jacket (eh?) torn off by a swamp thing.
Weirdest Detail: Aside from the fact that Cushing’s head is massive, Baywatch Girl still has the presence of mind to strike a thigh-exposing pose despite impending death.
The Cover: A monster clambers over a city skyline.
Meanwhile, a woman serves up her neck as dessert.
Weirdest Detail: Horrible image manipulation aside, why is the monster a cartoon, while the woman’s flesh and blood?
All Gods Children (1980)
The Cover: An old man sucks sternly on his pipe. Meanwhile, on the back cover, a young man consoles another man who’s upset he doesn’t have a gold jumper, too.
Weirdest Detail: “Richard Widmark fights for Justice and Equality for All God’s Children,” says the tagline.
Even though it appears he’s just set a school bus on fire with his pipe.
American Tiger (1990)
The Cover: Thighs! Explosions! Purple skies!
Weirdest Detail: That young man looks somewhat unnerved by the woman slinking up behind him – or maybe he just remembered his name is Mitch Gaylord…
Land Of The Minotaur (1976)
The Cover: A colourful cover for what we hear is actually meant to be a scary Greek horror film.
Weirdest Detail: Just. All of it.
That minotaur has the campest wave we’ve ever seen.
Master Blaster (1974)
The Cover: A soldier has strapped a tiny woman to his gun, and he’s damned proud of it.
Weirdest Detail: The tiny woman actually looks like a tiny man in drag.
The soldier’s in for a surprise.
The Alternative (1976)
The Cover: A man and a woman fight over a chess piece that’s fashioned into the shape of a very creepy naked child.
Weirdest Detail: Why does the man have two right hands?
The Best Of Sex And Violence (1981)
The Cover: A terrifyingly scrawny woman in a bikini is man-handled by a terrifyingly bearded army cadet.
Meanwhile, spooky mists devour their feet.
Weirdest Detail: Is it just us, or is the terrifyingly scrawny woman asking to have that machete buried somewhere the sun don’t shine?
Crazy Fat Ethel II (1987)
The Cover: A bodiless wench with five chins wields a bloody butcher’s knife.
Meanwhile, her hair has a life of its own.
Weirdest Detail: Is Fat Ethel crazy because she’s in desperate need of a haircut?
Seems that way.
Battle Of The Bullies
The Cover: Sort of like a rejected Famous Five book sleeve.
Shockingly, costs a whopping $19.95.
Even most Blu-rays aren’t that pricey these days.
Weirdest Detail: It appears the bullies of the title are a preppy nerd couple.
What bizarro world is this?
The Curse Of Big Foot (1976)
The Cover: A flattering view of a gorilla’s backside.
Does he know this picture was being taken?
Weirdest Detail: It appears the real curse of Bigfoot is that he’s never given enough time to strike a decent pose.
The Cover: Freddy Krueger this ain’t – a crazy, giant bald woman crashes through a wall with a shiny knife.
Weirdest Detail: The couple in the bed don’t seem to have noticed their night-time intruder.
Introduction To Muzzle Loading
The Cover: A fox attempts to eat a bearded man’s head.
Weirdest Detail: The man doesn’t seem to mind, instead striking an action man pose with a muzzle.
The Great Skycopter Rescue (1980)
The Cover: A massive, great explosion narrowly misses an air balloon and a plane.
Weirdest Detail: That pasted-on young lady seems to be having far too much fun in a moment of such obvious peril.
Frozen Terror (1980)
The Cover: A snapshot of a fridge, which contains all the bare essentials.
Weirdest Detail: Why is there a beetroot on a plate next to two tomatoes?
Stop the madness!
The Manipulator (1980)
The Cover: Santa Claus watches on and laughs as a dead woman’s corpse is used as a puppet.
Weirdest Detail: What’s Santa doing in this movie?
The Tomb (1986)
The Cover: Indiana Jones (in a trilby) and a permed Melanie Griffith look scared as a bright luminescence gives them the perfect backlighting.
Weirdest Detail: Why is Indiana Jones wearing a trilby?
White Fury (1990)
The Cover: A guy snowboards while carrying a firearm.
That’s going to end in tears.
Weirdest Detail: The gun-toting snowboarder is using the giant man’s nose to steady himself.
Think Big (1989)
The Cover: Two muscular guys stand over a truck that’s been taken over by a posse of screaming, posing goons.
Weirdest Detail: The copy-paste job on the duo’s faces looks like it was done by a three year old.
The Cover: Rip-off alert! The cover for this low-budget sci-fi just reuses imagery from Mac & Me .
Weirdest Detail: Poor old Mac has had his antennae lopped off in an attempt to conceal the crime.
Robo Vampire (1988)
The Cover: Just. Mind-boggling.
RoboCop perfects his Mona Lisa smile as a vampire gives somebody a devil’s glare.
Weirdest Detail: RoboCop isn’t even in the film, so God knows why he’s been pasted onto the VHS cover.