50 Strangest Censored Movie Lines

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By published

What the f***?

Pulp Fiction (1994)

Aeroplane and TV edits of some of our favourite flicks have cleaned up the naughty language.

This Samuel L. Jackson is just the first of some brilliantly bizarre edited-for-TV lines...

Blues Brothers (1980)

Original Line: “Well then... I guess you're really up Shit Creek.”

Edited Version: “Well then... I guess you're really up the Creek.”

Why the nun finds that so offensive in the TV version remains a mystery.

Meanwhile, told-off kids everywhere tell their parents to “go up the creek!”

See No Evil, Hear No Evil (1989)

Original Line: Dave: “Tell me the first thing that pops into your brain.”
Wally: “Pussy!”

Edited Version: Dave: “Tell me the first thing that pops into your brain.”
Wally: “Pasta!”

Everybody knows the way to a man's heart is through his pussy. Sorry, stomach.

(500) Days Of Summer (2009)

Original Line: "She took a giant shit on my face. Literally."

Edited Version: "She took a giant spit on my face. Literally."

Grammatically dubious, if you ask us.

Dumb & Dumber (1994)

Original Line: "Right on my ass, after you kiss it!"

Edited Version: "Right on my sandwich, after you kiss it!"

Even weirder because no sandwich actually appears in this scene...

Mallrats (1995)

Original Line: "Holy shit, you slept with that asshole?"

Edited Version: "Holy snot, you spoke with that airhead?"

Ah snot, unholiest of body fluids.

Beverly Hills Cop (1984s)

Original Line: “This is bullshit, man.”

Edited Version: “This is Bozo, man.”

Pleased to meet you, Bozo. Now, would you mind explaining how you're relevant to this situation?

Weird Science (1985)

Original Line: “I'm not talking candle wax on their nipples...”

Edited Version: “I'm not talking candle wax on their pimples...”

Sounds infinitely more painful.

Spawn (1997)

Original Line: “Before I blow your fat circus-ass away, I want to know why..."

Edited Version: “Before I blow your fat circus away, I want to know why..."

Can circuses really be fat?

Casino (1995)

Original Line: “Fuck me? Fuck you, you motherfucker!”

Edited Version: “Forget me? Forget you, you mother-forgetter!”

Until now we were blissfully unaware that forgetting somebody's mother was a crime.

We stand corrected.

Joshua Winning

Josh Winning has worn a lot of hats over the years. Contributing Editor at Total Film, writer for SFX, and senior film writer at the Radio Times. Josh has also penned a novel about mysteries and monsters, is the co-host of a movie podcast, and has a library of pretty phenomenal stories from visiting some of the biggest TV and film sets in the world. He would also like you to know that he "lives for cat videos..." Don't we all, Josh. Don't we all.