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Critters (1986)
The Aliens: The Critters
The Odd: Not only are these flesh-eating hairballs a menace to Earthlings everywhere, they’ve even got a bad rep in outer space, only making their way to our planet after escaping from an intergalactic prison. Don’t try and pet them then, and definitely don’t tell them they look like Gremlins. They hate that.
If Pegg & Frost Had To Look After One: They'd take them to Comic Con and chuck them at the first person they see dressed up as Jar Jar.
Batteries Not Included (1987)
The Aliens: The Fix-Its
The Odd: Most aliens want to take over the Earth. If they can’t manage that, they’ll usually settle for destroying that. However, all these miniature spacecraft want to do is help some pensioners save their apartment block from demolition. You really have to question their lack of ambition…
If Pegg & Frost Had To Look After One: Perhaps they could help an old dear across the road, either that or use them to hunt out zombies.
Signs (2002)
The Aliens: A race of water-intolerant invaders
The Odd: They’re advanced enough to have detected another form of sentient life in a vast, unknowable universe. They’re also advanced enough to have successfully infiltrated said planet. And yet despite all this, they’ve managed to land themselves on a planet made of the one thing they’re vulnerable to? Mugs.
If Pegg & Frost Had To Look After One: They wouldn’t last five minutes. Can you imagine their Paul characters remembering to bring a brolly?
Return Of The Jedi (1983)
The Alien: Max Rebo
The Odd: Looking like a cross between Barney and the blue one from the Monster Munch gang, good old Max might be a dab hand on the keyboard (or whatever that thing is), but he’s not much of a negotiator. A lifetime of performing for Jabba, in exchange for some food? You’ve been robbed mate.
If Pegg & Frost Had To Look After Him: Given that Max’s former band was entitled Evar Orbus and His Galactic Jizz-wailers, there might be a bit of mickey-taking going on…
The Day Of The Triffids (1963)
The Aliens: The Triffids
The Odd: A terrifying swarm of murderous…plants? Yep, looking like something you’d find in your gran’s conservatory, the Triffids shuffle their way around earth very, very slowly. Quick, fetch the weedkiller!
If Pegg & Frost Had To Look After One: Let’s face it…they’d probably try to smoke it.
The Blob (1958)
The Alien: The Blob
The Odd: As aliens go, it’s not the most advanced, is it? It’s like a living dessert, only lethal and not so tasty. The blob might just be a heap of gelatinous matter, but that’s not going to stop it from fulfilling its dreams of taking over the world. Steve McQueen on the other hand, is.
If Pegg & Frost Had To Look After It: They'd probably take it to the cinema. And as anyone who's seen the 1988 remake will know, that'll be absolutely fine and will cause no problems at all.
Starship Troopers (1997)
The Alien: The Brainbug
The Odd: You might think we’ve singled this Bug colony leader out because of his bizarre telepathic abilities, but you’d be wrong. It’s because he’s got a face like a puckered anus. Bleurgh. Let’s move along quickly shall we?
If Pegg & Frost Had To Look After Him: They could forget about about getting any action. He’s not exactly a babe-magnet is he?
The Cat From Outer Space (1978)
The Alien: Jake The Cat
The Odd: Well, he’s a cat to start with. He’s in possession of an alien collar that allows him to talk to humans telepathically, but other than that, he’s not got much to recommend him ahead of our Earth-grown moggies. Unlike most aliens, he doesn’t bother heading back to his home-world when he gets the chance, preferring instead to opt for a life of warm milk and belly-rubs. Fair play to him.
If Pegg & Frost Had To Look After One: How could they fail to be charmed by him? He’s a cat who can actually show affection, rather than stalking round in a perennial huff. We’d like to keep him ourselves.
Mars Attacks (1996)
The Aliens: The Martians
The Odd: There’s nothing odd about their naked desire to wreak havoc, but apart from that, they’re a bit peculiar. Their penchant for flamboyant capes is one thing, but as weaknesses go, the music of Slim Whitman is kind of out there…
If Pegg & Frost Had To Look After One: Would you leave these men in charge of a death-ray? No, neither would we.
Abraxas, Guardian Of The Universe (1991)
The Alien: Are you deaf? Abraxas, Guardian Of The Universe!
The Odd: Abraxas is basically a galactic copper who bares a striking resemblance to Jesse “The Body” Ventura. He pitches up on Earth in pursuit of his former partner “Secundus”, who has cooked up some plan involving a healthy amount of sex with attractive female Earthlings. All of which is fairly bizarre, only for things to take a decidedly unsettling turn when a semi-nude Abraxas explains his backstory to a small boy, choosing the following immortal words: “I'll tell you a story. It's about two men who were partners.” Run away son. Run for your life!
If Pegg & Frost Had To Look After Him: They’d end up drinking their bodyweight in an attempt to out-macho Ventura, which as everybody knows, is impossible.
