Another Midnight Run (1994)
Possible Fan-Edit: If someone else has to play Jack Walsh, at least get De Niro to make a cameo. Either as the ‘bounty’ or as the agent on Walsh’s trail. In fact that last idea could culminate in a very tense coffee diner scene.
The Exorcist III (1990)
The Original: A young girl is possessed by a demon. Pea-soup projectile vomit, revolving necks and icky crucifix scenes ensue.
The Sequel: The film shamefully ignores the ‘exorcism’ part of the title and no longer deals with demons and possessions, but rather the ghost of a serial killer. There’s some made-up connection at the end about how original demon Pazuzu sent the spirit as revenge, but really this is a very different kettle of horror.
Possible Fan-Edit: Bring back the sweary demon monsters and make them say despicable things. That’s much more interesting.
The Sting II (1983)
The Original: Con artists Gondorff (Paul Newman) and Hooker (Robert Redford) team up to win a fortune from a high-rolling criminal.
The Sequel: Firstly, how any film can be called a sequel to The Sting when it recasts Redford and Newman, we’ll never know. Secondly, the main con in this follow-up involves Hooker fighting in a boxing match. Already that seems to lack the poise and subtlety of their sleight-of-hand card-dealing, doesn’t it?
Possible Fan-Edit: Just cut Redford and Newman back in. It doesn’t matter if the story won’t make sense any more - we’ll watch them in anything.
Tarzans New York Adventure (1942)
The Original: From the 80-odd Tarzan films that have ever been released, the basic set-up is always there: Tarzan is a near-feral young man who has been raised in the jungle and beats his chest a lot.
The Sequel: In a change of scenery, Tarzan and Jane travel to New York to rescue their adopted son Boy, who has been kidnapped by circus workers. Of course, Tarzan struggles to cope with life in the Big Apple but uses his jungle ways to track down Boy. Come to think of it, Crocodile Dundee owes this film a huge debt.
Possible Fan-Edit: We want to see a scene in which Jane is approach by muggers who are all shouting at her, only for Tarzan to intervene saying: “that’s not a shout! THIS is a shout: AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA”.
Meatballs Part II (1984)
The Original: It gave Bill Murray his first starring role and launched the career of director Ivan Reitman, Meatballs is a comedy in the wacky, zany mould that follows campers and counsellors at a rundown summer camp.
The Sequel: If you thought the humour was let off the leash in the first film, wait until you see this one. With a little more emphasis on sex and nudity, this sequel ramps up the bawdiness and tones down the charm. Oh, and one of the campers happens to be an alien.
Possible Fan-Edit: Someone needs to edit together this film with Carry On Camping .
A Dangerous Man: Lawrence After Arabia (1990)
The Original: David Lean’s momentous Lawrence Of Arabia , about a charismatic military figure who has conflicted loyalties over the Arab revolt against the Turks in World War I.
The Sequel: An unofficial made-for-TV sequel starring Ralph Fiennes in his first starring film role, the film explores the events after the end of World War I and, among other things, more openly alludes to Lawrence’s homosexuality.
Possible Fan-Edit: Combine both films into one long account of Lawrence’s life. Granted, the film would be about 10 hours long, but it’s best to do something right…
Ill Always Know What you Did Last Summer (2006)
The Original: A slasher horror film which sees a group of teenagers stalked by a killer who wants them to pay for the road accident they covered up one year before.
The Sequel: Whereas the title of the first sequel I Still Know What You Did Last Summer made no sense because it was set a year later, this film doesn’t even feature any of the same characters as the previous too. So what do you mean by ‘Always’? It doesn’t work!
Possible Fan-Edit: Time-travel back to the first film. It’s the only way.
Splash Too (1988)
The Original: The classic tale of a guy who falls in love with a woman who is also half fish.
The Sequel: All of the characters have been completely recast, leaving us with a story set four years after the original, in which the characters decide to return to New York but still have to hide Madison’s ‘condition’. Except, it’s not Tom Hanks and Darryl Hannah so we can’t buy into them being the same characters.
Possible Fan-Edit: Seeing as a lot of the films on this list are included because of the sudden jump in genre, why not make a darker sequel to Splash ? One where the mermaid is half woman, half fish but split right down the middle vertically instead. We could splice this film together with David Cronenberg movies.
Cinderella 3: A Twist In Time (2007)
The Original: Glass slipper, Fairy Godmother, wicked stepsisters… you know the drill.
The Sequel: The classic fairytale story that has been told for decades is almost completely rewritten in this sequel, which sees Lady Tremaine get the Fairy Godmother’s wand and turn back time to before Cinderella met Prince Charming. Then she enlarges the slipper to fit Cinderella’s stepsister Anastasia instead.
Possible Fan-Edit: The time travel element is a bizarre route to go down, so why not go the whole way? We want to see an epic showdown between Cinderella and Lady Tremaine set during prehistoric times.
Subspecies 4: Bloodstorm (1998)
The Original: An early 90s vampire film which sees three college students stumble upon a vampiric political struggle while on a Romanian study course.
The Sequel: All of the hard work spent in the first three films setting up a vampire family and mythology feels undone when protagonist Michelle visits a doctor who actually holds an existing cure for vampirism. Here you go, ancient night creature, take two of these three times a day and you’ll be right as rain within a week.
Possible Fan-Edit: The cure doesn’t quite work and has a negative effect on the monsters, which leads us to Subspecies 5: Mutant Vampires!
