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Shaft In Africa (1973)
The Original: Richard Roundtree goes hunting for the missing daughter of a neighbourhood gangster in this Blaxploitation classic. He’s a black private dick who’s a sex machine to all the chicks, don’t you know?
The Sequel: We’ll let the trailer speak for itself: “Shaft is back - where he’s never been before - hitting the Motherland like a black tornado.” Badass detective reduced to posing as a slave? Something’s not right here…
Possible Fan-Edit: Isaac Hayes voices a funky camel who reprimands Shaft for playing up to a host of racial stereotypes.
Highlander: The Quickening (1991)
The Original: Sean Connery and Christopher Lambert bring the ham in this well-loved sci-fi saga about the ongoing conflict between a group of age-old immortal warriors.
The Sequel: Despite the fact that all the loose ends were tied up in the first movie, a sequel was churned out regardless. Worse still was the fact that it rode roughshod over the carefully drawn mythology established by the first film. One to forget.
Possible Fan-Edit: If the first film hadn’t been at such pains to stress that all the “immortals” were now dead, there might have been a bit more room for narrative maneuver.
Halloween 3: Season Of The Witch (1982)
The Original: The film charged with popularizing the slasher movie, Halloween was a horror film stripped down to its purest essence: a likeable heroine versus a knife-wielding, seemingly indestructible maniac.
The Sequel: The legendary Michael Myers was shelved in favour of some guff about an evil toymaker with a convoluted plan to kill the nation’s kids. Pffft.
Possible Fan-Edit: Bring. Back. Michael. Now!
Ernest Goes To Africa (1997)
The Original: Jim Varney plays hapless chump Ernest P. Worrell in the first, slapstick-tastic episode in a series that would see him transported to jail, school, the army and… Africa!
The Sequel: Sending Shaft to Africa is one thing… sending Ernest is quite another. Needless to say, this is as lazily offensive as it is unfunny. One to forget for all concerned.
Possible Fan-Edit: The kindest thing to do here would be to edit out most of the material between the opening title and end credits, leaving a still of a gurning Ernest to keep the audience happy.
Star Trek IV (1986)
The Original: The television antics of Kirk, Spock and co. are transported to the big screen as the crew take on a mysterious alien cloud known as V’Ger.
The Sequel: The action is relocated to good old Planet Earth, as the crew of the Enterprise set about rescuing a humpback whale, with no genuine villain in sight. Erm, okay…
Possible Fan-Edit: The whale turns out to be a malevolent alien creature hell-bent on destroying the earth. Phasers to kill…
Jaws: The Revenge (1987)
The Original: A masterclass in suspense from Steve Spielberg, Jaws only reveals its toothy big bad for a few brief scenes, but when he does make an appearance, it counts.
The Sequel: Somewhat improbably, the giant sharks of the Amity region seem to have a preternatural sense of vengeance, with yet another toothy blighter following Ellen Brody across the seven sees. All the way to the Bahamas. They never forget, do they?
Possible Fan-Edit: A zombified Quint appears from under the water and wrestles the shark to death. It would be no more improbable…
Under Siege 2: Dark Territory (1995)
The Original: Steven Seagal dons a set of Navy whites in order to defend a battleship from a gang of marauding terrorists. Also features Gary Busey, which is always a good thing.
The Sequel: The train-based sequel was initially a totally unrelated project, until Seagal bagged the leading role and the studio spotted an opportunity for some synergy. That will be why the two films bear little to no resemblance to each other!
Possible Fan-Edit: So Seagal just happens to catch the same train as the terrorists? At least have him working on board as a chef…
Babe: Pig In The City (1998)
The Original: A heartwarming and humorous adaptation of Dick King Smith’s The Sheep Pig , featuring the cutest celluloid porker ever to hit the big screen.
The Sequel: Babe leaves the bucolic loveliness of the farm in favour of a nightmarish cityscape and, shudder, Mickey Rooney.
Possible Fan Edit: James Cromwell’s kind-hearted farmer is restored to a starring role. Cute farm animals are all well and good, but the human touch is sadly missing.
Hellraiser: Inferno (2000)
The Original: An ultra-violent sci-fi / horror mash-up in which an antique box serves as a portal to a hideous netherworld populated by a race of S&M-enthusiasts known as the Cenobites.
The Sequel: A bizarrely off-brand adventure in which Pinhead, the series’ primary villain, is barely featured. Not bad by any means, just a bit of a waste of the Hellraiser license.
Possible Fan-Edit: Simple – more Pinhead please!
Leprechaun In The Hood (2000)
The Original: Trashily camp stalk and slash fare featuring a young Jennifer Aniston, and Warwick Davis as the pint-sized, gold-hoarding villain.
The Sequel: The leprechaun’s path inexplicably crosses with a group of gangster rappers. Includes a toe-curlingly awful scene in which the Leprechaun tries his hand on the mic, with disastrous results.
Possible Fan-Edit: The addition of a cameo from Aniston, in which she supplies Lep with some soulful backing vocals.
