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Shock Treatment (1981)
Oh! Heavenly Dog (1980)
The Original: Whilst the title doesn’t make it explicit, this is a sequel to Benji, the film about a loveable stray dog who rescues a pair of kidnapped kids. Aww.
The Sequel: Oh! Heavenly Dog sees the franchise take a turn for the adult, as Chevy Chase’s PI gets killed and reincarnated as a dog. Naturally he sets about solving the case, unfazed by his new canine form…
Possible Fan-Edit: As he tracks down the villains, it emerges that Benji’s killers have also kidnapped a couple of cute kids. Lets take the focus off the murder, shall we?
Mannequin: On The Move (1991)
The Original: This affable ’80s fantasy sees Andrew McCarthy as a young artist who sculpts a mannequin that then comes to life. As the reincarnated version of Kim Cattrall’s Egyptian princess. Hey, it was the ’80s… that kind of plot was run of the mill.
The Sequel: This time out another mannequin comes to life, but crucially, this one has always been a living, breathing girl. She was frozen by an evil wizard and mistaken for a mannequin, you see. For 300 years. The first plot might have been out there, but at least it wasn’t as dumb as this…
Possible Fan-Edit: It would have made a lot more sense to just recycle the original movie’s plot device. That was far-fetched enough, surely?
Escape From The Planet Of The Apes (1971)
The Original: Charlton Heston finds himself marooned on a planet populated by humanoid apes, only to discover that, da-da-daaaaaaaaa… the planet of the apes is Earth! WTF indeed, Chuck.
The Sequel: Since Beneath The Planet Of The Apes ended with the planet being destroyed by a nuclear bomb, you might have been puzzled to see a sequel arrive. This one neatly sorts out the narrative dead-end with a mind-bending plot twist that sees three apes sent back in time to the 1970s, where they are treated like celebrities. Talk about writing yourself out of a corner…
Possible Fan-Edit: We’d like to see a musical number edited in there, possibly one from Stop The Planet Of The Apes, I Want To Get Off .
US Marshals (1998)
The Original: The Fugitive , in which Harrison Ford goes on the run when he’s framed for his wife’s murder. Tommy Lee Jones is the grizzled old marshal charged with bringing him in…
The Sequel: Tommy Lee Jones reprises his role as Marshal Gerard, but other than that, there’s very little to link this one with the original. In fact, you could be forgiven for not knowing it was a sequel at all, such is the scarcity of any connective tissue between the two films! Odd.
Possible Fan-Edit: Wesley Snipes versus Tommy Lee Jones doesn’t really seem a fair fight… re-cast Snipes as Danny Glover and you’d have a more credible face-off. Kind of…
Crank: High Voltage (2009)
The Original: Jason Statham reinvents the action movie by pushing the limits of stupidity further than had previously been imagined possible, with surprisingly enjoyable results.
The Sequel: Put it this way, the fact that Chev Chelios was able to survive falling a significant distance from a helicopter onto a parked car soon becomes one of the less ludicrous plot details on show here. Seemingly a parody of the first film, which was pretty damn stupid in its own right…
Possible Fan-Edit: Whilst Crank was dumb, it did at least have a compelling central conceit that served up a reason for Statham to serve up more and more mayhem. This is just nonsense. A plot would have helped!
Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997)
The Original: An awesome high-concept actioner in which Keanu Reeves has to keep a bus moving at above 50mph or have it explode. Dennis Hopper steals the show as cackling bomber, Howard Payne.
The Sequel: The action is relocated to a boat, which just so happens to be carrying Sandra Bullock’s character from the first film. Ho, and indeed, hum.
Possible Fan-Edit: Swap in any form of transport for the cruise ship they eventually plumped for. It’s pretty difficult to run into traffic on the open sea.
Sherlock Holmes And The Voice Of Terror (1942)
The Original: Basil Rathbone and Nigel Bruce brought Holmes and Watson to life with great verve in the 1939 adaptation of The Hound Of The Baskervilles , a trick they repeated with the similarly excellent The Adventures Of Sherlock Holmes .
The Sequel: Universal decided that whilst the old stories were admittedly popular, Holmes and Watson could do with being updated a bit. So it was that the pair were transposed into the 1940’s where they would take on the Nazis. The result was profoundly meh…
Possible Fan-Edit: Re-casting Moriarty as a high-ranking Naxi might have made for an interesting twist.
Friday The 13th: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
The Original: A seminal slasher film set against the idyllic backdrop of Camp Crystal Lake, where somebody is bumping off the young campers at an alarming rate.
The Sequel: For its first seven entries, the Friday The 13th series was almost entirely contained by its lakeside setting, with Jason (and his mother) filleting teens in their sleeping bags for many a happy year. The eighth film however, decided to export the action to New York. It wasn’t quite so effective…
Possible Fan-Edit: At least if Jason had headed to Central Park, he might have been able to hide effectively, stalking his pray under the cover of the undergrowth. Where does he actually strike? Times Square. Right…
Silent Night Deadly Night 5: The Toy Maker (1991)
The Original: A wayward teen responds badly to the murder of his parents, dressing as Santa Claus and going on a murderous rampage. Ho-ho-ho!
The Sequel: Bizarrely, there’s not a slasher santa in sight. Instead, we get a crackpot inventor creating a range of vicious toys that turn on their owners. So, nothing like the original at all, then.
Possible Fan-Edit: They could at least be evil Santa dolls! Instead, we get all kinds of cuddly crap turning to the dark side.
