Word spread quickly when Valve began posting early details about their next big update for Team Fortress 2. Our eyes went straight to the list of new achievements for the Heavy, which you can find here.
But Valve’s titillating tease didn’t stop there. It seems they’ve left a trail of clues for fans to follow in the filenames of all the Heavy’s new achievement icons. Right-click on any of these new icons and you’ll see hints of what’s to come when the update goes live. Since the Heavy is the third class to receive the update treatment, we figured we’d make some educated guesses as to what it’ll take to unlock each of the Heavy’s 35 new achievements. Here are the tasks we think will be in store for Heavy players once the new update goes live.
What the filename says: tf_heavy_damage_taken.png
Our best guess: The Heavy is great for soaking up damage. We’re guessing that you’ll need to accumulate at least 25,000 points of damage to unlock this achievement. After all, that’s how many points you had to heal with the Medic to unlock the Team Doctor achievement. One million points of damage is also possible. That’s the same amount of damage required for the Pyro’s Pyromancer achievement and the same number of healing points required for the Medic’s epic Chief of Staff achievement.
What the image says: tf_heavy_defend_medic.png
Our best guess: The filename suggests that you’ll need to defend a Medic. But how will this work? We expect that you’ll need to kill an enemy that’s damaging a Medic who’s healing you. Don’t forget to turn around once in a while to make sure your friendly doctor is safe.
Division of Labor
What the image says: tf_heavy_assist_medic_large.png
Our best guess: If you kill an enemy while a Medic is healing you, the Medic gets awarded with an assist on the kill. This fits with conventional Heavy/Medic tactics. But take a closer look at the title and filename. It sounds like you will need to assist the Medic by letting him score the finishing blow with his Medigun and not the other way around.
What the image says: tf_heavy_earn_medic_domination.png
Our best guess: It’s beginning to look like a lot of these achievements are designed to encourage cooperation between the Heavy and Medic. Own another player with the same Medic in tow, and you’ll unlock this achievement.
What the image says: tf_heavy_kill_taunt.png
Our best guess: This one sounds similar to our favorite Pyro achievement, OMGWTFBBQ, which charged you with killing an enemy with a taunt. It would be fitting if this achievement is tied to the Heavy’s taunt that ends with him screaming “Pow!”
Crime and Punishment
What the image says: tf_heavy_kill_flag_carriers.png
Our best guess: Let’s see if the Spy and Scout can outsmart the Heavy’s bullets. Kill enough flag carriers in CTF matches and you’ll probably unlock this achievement.
What the image says: tf_heavy_kill_medic_pair.png
Our best guess: Kill an enemy Medic and the player he’s healing. The icon suggests that the player the Medic is healing may need to be a Heavy too.
What the image says: tf_heavy_block_invuln_heavy.png
Our best guess: Stop an invulnerable Heavy from capturing a control point. Good luck on getting this one without a friendly UberCharge of your own.
Stalin the Kart
What the image says: tf_heavy_block_cart.png
Our best guess: As long as one red player is touching the cart, the blue team won’t be able to push it forward. We’re guessing that you’ll need to push up against the cart to block the blue team from advancing several times before you unlock this one.
What the image says: tf_heavy_receive_uber_grind.png
Our best guess: Receiving a Uber sounds a little too simple. Perhaps you’ll need to receive A LOT of UberCharges over the course of your career, which would make it a real grind.
What the image says: tf_heavy_stand_near_dispenser.png
Our best guess: Next to the Medic, the Engineer’s Dispenser is the Heavy’s best friend. It gives you unlimited ammo and helps you hold an area by slowly refilling your health. Notice the little health symbols rising from the factory's chimney. Expect to spend some time gaining your life back from a dispenser to earn this one.
What the image says: tf_heavy_assist_heavy_grind.png
Our best guess: Soviet Union sounds like a simple case of Heavy-on-Heavy action. Assist a fellow Heavy with a yet-to-be-determined number of kills for this one.
Own the Means of Production
What the image says: tf_heavy_clear_stickybombs.png
Our best guess: Why walk through those sticky bombs towards certain death when you can blast them away and foil a Demo’s lame trap? Clear away enough sticky bombs and this one should be yours.
What the image says: tf_heavy_kill_underwater.png
Our best guess: This one sounds mighty similar to the Pyro’s Plan B achievement, which had you kill 10 enemies while you were both underwater. We’re guessing that the Heavy will need to do the same.
What the image says: tf_heavy_take_multi_damage.png
Our best guess: You had to heal a teammate who was taking fire from four enemies at the same time to unlock the Medic’s Quadruple Bypass series. So it would make sense if the Heavy had to survive after taking damage from four different sources at once to unlock this brutal achievement.
Icing on the Cake
What the image says: tf_heavy_kill_dominated.png
Our best guess: What’s better than dominating another player? We think you’ll need to kill that dominated player one more time before they get their revenge on you to get earn this one.
What the image says: tf_heavy_survive_crocket.png
Our best guess: This one seems pretty straightforward. Survive a hit from a Soldier’s critical rocket (or “crock” for short) and you’ll unlock the Crock Block achievement. Since the Pyro needed to deflect 100 projectiles to unlock his Hot Potato achievement, we think it’s only fair that the Heavy survive 100 critical hits from a rocket.
What the image says: tf_heavy_assist_grind.png
Our best guess: The icon and filename suggests that this achievement requires lots of ammo so start firing. It sounds similar to the Pyro’s Fire Chief achievement, so we think you’ll need to assist with at least 1,000 kills.
What the image says: tf_heavy_uncover_spies.png
Our best guess: Do you see a friendly sniper acting suspiciously? Do you see a smoky blur in the background? If our suspicions are correct, you’ll need to blast them with the Heavy to reveal an enemy Spy for this achievement. Because of the Pyro’s Spontaneous Combustion achievement – which requires you to ignite 10 cloaked Spies – we’re guessing that you’ll need to reveal 10 Spies to earn this one.
What the image says: tf_heavy_kill_while_spunup.png
Our best guess: Spin your minigun with the Heavy’s alt-fire and mow down enemies while holding it down to keep your barrel spinning.
What the image says: tf_heavy_fire_lots.png
Our best guess: “Heavy fire lots?” We expect that you'll need to replenish a ton of ammo at a friendly dispenser to get this achievement. It looks like Valve is trying to encourage the use of dispensers with the Heavy Industry and Factory Worker achievements.
What the image says: tf_heavy_kill_crit_punch.png
Our best guess: After looking at the filename, this one seems pretty straightforward. The Heavy’s Killing Gloves of Boxing (KGB) will award you with five seconds of automatic critical hits. Kill an enemy with your deadly mitts and you’ll be able to extend this bonus. We can’t wait to see swarms of Heavy players charge our gates with their fists equipped to unlock this one.
Redistribution of Health
What the image says: tf_heavy_heal_medikits.png
Our best guess: A Heavy can’t just rely on constant attention from his team’s Medics. Maybe this achievement will help Heavy player’s remember where the med kits spawn on each map.
What the image says: tf_heavy_kill_shotgun.png
Our best guess: What else could this be except for a kill-X-number-of-players-with-the-shotgun achievement? Ration your Heavy's valuable minigun ammo by taking out enemies with the shotgun.
What the image says: tf_heavy_first_to_cap.png
Our best guess: The Scout may be the fastest class. But we think you’ll need to show him how it’s really done by being the first on your team to capture a control point as the Heavy.
Pushkin the Kart
What the image says: tf_heavy_payload_cap_grind.png
Our best guess: The icon and filename makes this one seem pretty clear. Be a team player and push the cart forward on Payload and earn capture points to unlock this achievement. The word “grind” indicates that you’ll need to capture a ton of points. Start pushkin!
What the image says: tf_heavy_kill_midair_minigun.png
Our best guess: Blast those rocket-propelled Soldiers and airborne Demos out of the sky with the Heavy’s minigun. Sound too easy? Don’t forget that it takes a while to get the Heavy’s minigun spinning before he can start firing.
What the image says: tf_heavy_defend_control_point.png
Our best guess: The Heavy isn’t only good for pushing forward. He’s also great for holding the fort. Park yourself on a control point controlled by your team and defend it with your life.
What the image says: tf_heavy_kill_capping_enemies.png
Our best guess: Kill enemies who are capturing a control point. Unlike the Gorky Parked achievement, this one probably applies to neutral control points instead.
Lenin A Hand
What the image says: tf_heavy_revenge_assist.png
Our best guess: Give your teammates a helping hand by assisting dominated players with a revenge kill on their nemesis.
Five Second Plan
What the image says: tf_heavy_teleport_fast_kill.png
Our best guess: As the slowest class, the Heavy benefits the most from the Engineer’s teleporter. We’re guessing that you’ll need to kill an enemy in five seconds once you exit a friendly teleporter.
What the image says: tf_heavy_freezecam_taunt.png
Our best guess: This one sounds a lot like the Medic’s Autopsy Report achievement. Provide an enemy with a freezecam shot of you taunting above their ragdoll.
What the image says: tf_heavy_eat_sandwiches.png
Our best guess: This one is quite befuddling. We have no theories on this achievement. Maybe the sandwich is a lie.
Don’t Touch Sandvich
What the image says: tf_heavy_kill_scouts.png
Our best guess: This one is a clear reference to the recent “Meet the Scout” video where the Scout interrupts the Heavy’s cherished sandwich time. Based on other achievements unlocked by killing a certain class repeatedly, we’re guessing that you’ll need to put 10 Scouts to sleep.
What the image says: tf_heavy_kill_heavies_gloves.png
Our best guess: This looks like another achievement designed to encourage players to play with the Heavy’s new Killer Gloves of Boxing. Equip the KGB and beat down other Heavy players who are also ready to rumble with their gloves.