It's over. Humanity has screwed it up. We've gone too far and are henceforth running on the karma fumes of previous positive endevours as the plane goes down over the volcano of societal devolution. The scales are forever tipped against us. The sides of the pit are greased and ever-heightening. We, as a species, have f*cked it.
The reason? We are still buying the most useless, over-priced piece of DLC in video game history, a full half-decade after we all realised it was worthless upon its release.
The confirmation of humanity's slide into universal irrelevence comes from Bethesda Vice-President Pete Hines, via a statement in Official Xbox Magazine's latest podcast. Discussing whether Bethesda has found the "sweet spot" for DLC pricing, his verbal death-knell for our pathetic race sounded thusly:
"In one respect everything we've done has done well, including the much maligned horse armour.
"I swear to you I don't have the report in front of me, but multiple people bought horse armour yesterday! For some inexplicable reason. It happened, I promise"
You hear that? Inexplicable. Cannot be explained. Defying the laws of the universe. Like a cube with no sides which remains a cube nonetheless, or a beam of light that makes things darker. THAT is the level of screwed up we're messing with here. Stop buying horse armour, people. It's already too late for us to redress the balance of our transgressions, but we might as well go out with a bit of dignity.
Did you buy it? Are you in some way responsible for the end-times of our species? And if not, what is the worst DLC you've ever seen, or even bought?
March 17th, 2011