Google+

Gaming’s most festively ferocious yetis

Sasquatch. Bigfoot. The Abominable Snowman. There are many names associated with the elusive, (definitely not fake) ape-men... eh, thingies. Contrary to what Harry and the Hendersons would have you believe, though, most would rather chow down on your colon than forge an interspecies friendship.


Above: Don’t let Harry fool you. We bet he'd have totally eaten John Lithgow if they’d ever done a sequel

In video games especially, your average mythical ape would like nothing more than to introduce you to that big game over screen in the sky. So pack some animal tranquilisers and a hacksaw, as we take you on a tour of some of gaming’s greatest yetis and sasquatch. Oh, and watch out for that bastard who makes the soup.

Warning: There are some slight spoilers ahead, mainly to do with Uncharted 2: Among Thieves.


The awesomely named abominable snowmen

As seen in: World of Warcraft

What’s in a name? Well, when it comes to video game yetis, usually something about icy eviscerations. World of Warcraft has all your favourites. Icehowl. Frostmaw. And our personal yeti of choice, The Abominable Greench. Unlike most of their cousins (who seem to enjoy playing mobile phone-based sports), these cave-dwelling dastards love nothing more than to pounce on unsuspecting adventurers.


Above: Awwww, who could stay mad at Abominable Greench's cute, green mug?

Sadly, said pouncing is rarely followed up by breaking the ice over a few snow cones, and more often than not yeti right hooks and deadly ice breath are the order of the day. In 2007 expansion Wrath of the Lich King, the albino-esque apes were given a frightening makeover, which also saw them master complex speech. Alas, they still seem to have difficulty understanding “For the love of sweet, merciful Buddha! Don’t eat my liver!”


The sociable sasquatch

As seen in: Red Dead: Redemption Undead Nightmare

According to John Marston’s paranormal-flavoured DLC spin-off, sasquatch not only roam the woods of Tall Trees, they also enjoy eating old timey babies. Naturally, this is nonsense, as Marston quickly proves when he meets one of the mythical woodland critters, who informs John they only eat berries. Well, after he’s wiped out the poor blighter’s entire species with a hunting rifle.



Colour us ten kinds of guilty. We should have probably guessed they were pretty harmless, what with all the running away from our completely unprovoked gunfire and all. After this civil conversation with the one surviving Bigfoot, you can either decide to let him wallow in depression at the fact he’ll never get his sasquatch sex on again or kill him deader than Buffalo Bill’s skin suit.


The undead yeti

As seen in: Plants vs. Zombies

If there’s one thing we don’t sweat, it’s a shitty, shuffling, garden variety zombies. Now, zombie yetis, on the other hand, are something that definitely make us fill our thermal undies. Plants vs. Zombies’ undead, mythic beastie can only be unlocked after you complete the game’s Adventure Mode.


Above: Now that's a tasty sandwich

An almost unkillable version of the world’s sneakiest ape-man, you can only see the hairy no gooder when lightning strikes. He clearly has something to learn about this whole abominable anonymity business, mind. Because this yeti has gladly let his social security details and sandwich-eating sensibilities become common knowledge. Honestly, what kind of decaying, big-footed bastard lets his fave sanger choice enter the public domain?


The fake yeti men

As seen in: Uncharted 2: Among Thieves

It’s always the way, huh? You get attacked by a feral, bloodthirsty yeti, only to find out it’s a guy (who looks like he’s failed an audition for Avatar) in a suit. Before you discover Uncharted 2’s ferocious mountain murderers aren’t all they appear to be, though, you’re treated to a hella creepy first sighting…



It’s not until later in the adventure, when Drake finally discovers the ancient city of Shambhala that the fancy dress-endorsed truth slips out. You see, the yetis are actually weird, blue-skinned Guardians of the mythical Cintamani stone (the relic our fortune hunter is searching for). Their initial, abominable appearance was merely a costume to scare off trespasses to the city. And here we were thinking Nate was finally going to make his fortune auctioning off genuine, petrified yeti shit.


Above: Not the answer to all Nate's finanical woes, unfortunately

Topics

Microsoft

29 comments

  • Japanaman - December 30, 2010 4:07 a.m.

    What? No Darkstalkers Yeti? He was a real brute! And where's Wendigo?!! He was such a pain in X-Men.
  • GoBlue811 - December 29, 2010 6:55 a.m.

    WHERE IS BENTLEY THE YETI FROM SPYRO?! Seriously, he proceeded to beat the crap out everything whenever you played as him (and I'm only counting Year of the Dragon, none of that nonsense after that game).
  • super0sonic - December 28, 2010 8:40 p.m.

    That PC GTA:SA Mod is creepy as hell.
  • Clovin64 - December 26, 2010 3:25 p.m.

    Umaro was one of my least favourite characters in FFVI (along with Gau). At least he got a mention though.
  • philipshaw - December 26, 2010 12:15 p.m.

    Solid article, I knew RDR had to be in here
  • RushLight - December 26, 2010 3:43 a.m.

    NOT TAKE MIRROR!!!!
  • jazbez - December 26, 2010 12:02 a.m.

    Gotta love the world of warcraft yetis, fun to kill.
  • jayrockslife - December 25, 2010 5:17 p.m.

    What about SkiFree!? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SkiFree#Abominable_Snow_Monster
  • Mode - December 25, 2010 6:38 a.m.

    When I encountered the last Sasquatch in RDR...I just had to blow his brains out. I couldn't stand to see him suffer like that. I was all "Welp, see you on the other side." *BLAMO*
  • NightCrawler_358 - December 25, 2010 5:38 a.m.

    Would any Wendigos count in this? Also i also agree with bentley the yeti! I loved playing as him!
  • OneToBoner - December 25, 2010 2:37 a.m.

    @magicwalnuts0 That bastard is way overused as it is. I'm glad they didn't put him in.
  • magicwalnuts0 - December 25, 2010 2:05 a.m.

    ......no Ski Free Yeti, another GR fail.
  • Romination - December 25, 2010 1:29 a.m.

    Kind of would have liked to see the Alien Hominid yeti on here. The one that runs around and eats KGB members.
  • Crimmy - December 24, 2010 11:31 p.m.

    What about Bentley? He was a cool dude. (see what I did there?)
  • Robusken - December 24, 2010 10:15 p.m.

    I need to go back and play PvZ, I never encountered that zombie yeti!
  • FanofSaiyan - December 24, 2010 8:27 p.m.

    What is the plural for Yeti? Is it Yetis or Yeti? The moment I saw this I just knew Twilight Princess would be on this list. ;)
  • Nap1400 - December 24, 2010 7:37 p.m.

    Aw come on! Show us the "not take mirror" scene! That's perfect!
  • JoeMasturbaby - December 24, 2010 7:11 p.m.

    i know Gladius had yetis as playable characters. you could even have a whole team of yetis.
  • Felixthecat - December 24, 2010 7:08 p.m.

    Thank gawd Yeto and Yeta are on this list. Now I have nothing to complain about. I was close to tears at that cutscene in RDR: Undead Nightmare. Seriously, it was so sad. I didn't want to kill him, but I felt the need to for some weird reason :'(
  • Ginshi29 - December 24, 2010 5:46 p.m.

    totally in time for the holidays. . . . but anyone like nunu??

Showing 1-20 of 29 comments

Join the Discussion
Add a comment (HTML tags are not allowed.)
Characters remaining: 5000