Is Mario doomed to a life lived exclusively in pixeldom? In 1993, the answer should have been “yes.” Why 1993? That was the year the Super Mario Bros. movie was unleashed upon the world. We’ve covered this train-wreck of a movie a coupletimes, and it’s tempting to imagine its scriptwriting process involved someone’s assistant taking a dump on a stack of formerly pristine paper and then writing “The End” at the bottom (although the real story’s arguably moreinsane).
Above: Dino Dennis Hopper and some lame mystical meteorite weren’t enough to sink this ship. The good, old-fashioned epic fail of a storyline did that job just fine
So Hollywood dropped a turd and basically frakked up a whole game franchise’s potential for film. Nothing new there. That’s why we’ve turned to YouTube. Can fan-made videos entertain and inspire us, and prove that Mario is ready for reality? Let’s find out.
Rundown: A Japanese troupe on a game show brings the original Super Mario Bros. (and some additional craziness) to life using a common technique of live actors with props against a black cloth.
Reality Readiness: Mario and Koopa look a little spastic using this method, but it’s a pretty amazing trick the actors pull off and a lot of fun to watch. We’ll give them a B-plus. And if you liked that, you may also enjoy this deliberately half-assed Mario interpretation from a Dutch anti-piracy ad:
Stereotyping 101: All Italians eat mushrooms and fight giant barrel-throwing gorillas
Rundown: The Italian Anti-Defamation League has a message for us: Mario is an offensive stereotype. “Italians do not jump on mushrooms and get powerful and glowy,” says their spokesman. But no matter how much they may argue, they can't escape their 8-bit heritage. If they don’t stomp on our goombas and defeat our apes, then who will? Obamagirl? No, her special ability is galvanizing the electorate. That, and looking good for the camera.
Reality Readiness: Though they doth protest too much (about one minute too much, actually), these two would-be Mario brothers and their princess eventually turn a tired gag into something surprisingly funny.
It’s a hard giant-green-boot life
Rundown: In a two-dimensional videogame, hopping around in a big green shoe is a piece of cake. What could be simpler? But in the real word, it’s a different ball game. Kuribo’s Shoe gets a whole lot of attention, but not much love, unfortunately.
Rundown: Mario and Luigi like nothing more than romping and jumping around the city. Sounds fun, right? Well, it’s annoying the hell out of everyone else. Someone has to put an end to their plumberly shenanigans…
Reality Readiness: The video creators from Mega64 show us that Mario might not be ready to be a responsible, tax-paying, law-abiding citizen just yet.
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