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Ménage à trois films always sound better in French, be they Jules Et Jim’s fated threesome or the goodlooking trio in Xavier Dolan’s romance.

The Québécois filmmaker plays one corner of the triangle, who’s as besotted with new kid Nicolas (Niels Schneider) as his best pal Marie (Monia Chokri).

The object of their affection is more tease than squeeze, keeping his preferences to himself as the friendship sours.

Sumptuously photographed and elegantly stylised, Heartbeats’ exterior is as seductive as Schneider’s R-Pattzalike. Dig beneath the surface, though, and there ain’t much there.

Neil Smith is a freelance film critic and writer who contributes regularly to Heat, SFX and Screen International. He's a long-time member of the London Film Critics’ Circle and was a contributing editor at Total Film for many years.