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Top 7... Boring Sims

2. Any Japanese dating sim
At the risk of offending fans of the Japanese dating sim genre, we’re going to go out on a limb here to say that they all suck. All of them. If you’re lucky enough to have avoided playing through one till now, dating sims usually charge you with capturing the heart of your dream girl (or guy) within a limited amount of turns.

You’ll often need to budget out your turns, setting aside time for jobs, which lets you afford to lavish your vapid and materialistic objects of desire with tons of useless presents. The finales in these games usually involve a sickeningly sweet G-rated union between you and your lover with some generic J-pop looped in the background or ridiculously hardcore hentai footage that’ll scar you for life.

If you’re into insipid love stories full of predictable twists and yawn-inducing drama, you’re better off picking up a pink novel the next time you’re at the supermarket. If you’re an adult looking for cheap visual stimulation, then playing a dating sim only adds a lot of unnecessary steps between you and porn. Either way, paying for any dating sim is a sure fire way to screw yourself out of a good time and ensures many wasted hours spent navigating dialogue trees.


Above: Whether or not you score a second date is often determined by your skill at remembering stale details like birthdays or blood types