6. Horsez 2
Like so many other pet-raising sims focused on equestrians, Horsez 2 continues to astound us. The strategic placement of the number two in the title clearly indicates that the original Horsez sold well enough to warrant a sequel, which boggles our minds since to us, the game offers nothing but a big old bag of boring.
We must be completely out of touch because even if we try to imagine that we love horses and all horse-related forms of entertainment, the ability to master the fine arts of ‘Horse Care’ and ‘Dressage’ in Horsez 2 still sounds like it’d be about as much fun as picking off the gunk from a horse’s hooves. Oh wait, you get to do that too in Horsez 2.
The financial success of boring games like Horsez 2 is one reason why there are so many horrible sims out there. If you have a child, do your part by strictly discouraging any positive reactions towards horses or the practice of pluralizing nouns with the letter ‘Z.’ If you don’t, the future of gaming may one day be overrun by the devil spawn of the Petz franchise, flooding the market with even more games of Dogz and Catz caliber.
5. Bus Driver
It should go without saying that you will drive a bus in Bus Driver. It should also go without saying that this is one of the most boring games you’ll ever play.
Crawling along in clunky buses at the speed limit while stopping frequently to let passengers on and off is so boring and awful, that for a few minutes, Bus Driver becomes the funniest game you’ve ever played. But even this brief moment of hilarity can’t stop Bus Driver from quickly grinding you down to the point where you go postal and attempt to purposefully crash into walls, because in the end, driving a bus is about as boring as it sounds.
We timed it, and it’ll take you about an hour of playing before Bus Driver will have you looking to throw yourself under a bus. Instead, save yourself some grief and watch this brief gameplay clip, which shows how Bus Driver manages to transition from boring, to so-boring-it’s-funny, to so-boring-I-will-now-purposefully-crash.
Above: Bus Driver taught us that shuttling passengers to their destination in a safe and timely manner makes us want to shoot ourselves in the face