The warriors of Tekken 6

Xiaoyu (you remember her, she has a panda bear for a bodyguard) has entered the latest tournament to keep Jin from killing Heihachi. We don’t know why and we’re pretty sure it’ll be the last thing you think of when selecting a character from Tekken 6’s title screen. Here’s what you need to know: Xiaoyu’s a hell of a playable character and her CG ending movie won’t make a lick of sense no matter how cute it will be.


This brooding, chap-wearing (remember how important fashion is) fighter defeated Jin in Part 5. But then Jin grew devil wings and screamed really loud. Next thing you know, Hwo wakes up in a hospital. Upon release, he trains extra hard for this year’s tournament… so he could defeat Jin again. Dude, give it up. You already beat him. That’s old news and you need to let go.

Paul Phoenix

Paul’s fallen on hard times. He defeated Kuma (another bear) in the last tournament, only to fall into debt. We can empathize with Paul because of the way the economy is right now, so we can’t really blame him for signing up for this year’s tournament. You gotta do whatever you can to pay the bills, ya’know?

Bryan Fury

Fury is one weird-looking asshole. He’s either undead or a genetic military experiment. Apparently he developed something called the perpetual generator for use in battle, but he didn’t get to test it out in the last tournament. We don’t know what that contraption is, but we’re pretty sure it disobeys the law of thermodynamics. And we are not comfortable with that at all.

Feb 12, 2009