The 10 most pointless videogame subtitles ever

“Yeah, so I was playing X-Men on my 360, and there was this one part where I had to kill…”
“Woah, wait a damn minute there buddy. You mean to tell me you were playing a DVD copy of X-Men, the film, or do you mean you were playing X-Men: The Official Game? Clarify that shit!”

NO. That never happens. And if we have to clarify, we’ll do it ourselves – we don’t need you to stick a colon after the title to make easy on us. Does anyone ever say “Superman Returns: The Video Game” or “LEGO Batman: The Videogame” or “Peter Jackson’s King Kong: The Official Game of the Movie?” No, the subtitles are completely ignored – “The Game” is now officially a silent phrase in the English language.

Which has more impact: “Resistance” or “Resistance: Some Useless Text?” Not only is this subtitle completely unnecessary, it contradicts the title. If this is the “fall of man,” then humanity is through, but if there’s a resistance movement, then there’s hope. Which is it? We dead? We fighting? We already bored with this game?

WOW, DESCRIPTIVE! That’s just like this idea I had for a movie: “Detail-Oriented: An Accountant’s Tale.”

The only thing that makes Rygar’s adventure legendary is that they said that it’s legendary. Why not let the game speak for itself? Or did they intend to follow this game with “Rygar: The Hardly Notable Adventure,” in which Rygar has a difficult time at the dry cleaners and gets a parking ticket?

Some things are legendary, and that’s because they’re legends. Rygar’s journey is not legendary just because the people who wrote it said so.

It should be noted that while it’s pronounced “accent core,” this game’s actual title is Guilty Gear XX: Λ Core Plus. That character isn’t even on my keyboard. What the hell. I have to look up a special character just to type out the name of this game. That’s bullshit.

The entries in this article were chosen because they mostly represent large groups of terrible subtitles, but this is just a scratch on the surface of gaming’s history of awful subtitling. Drop in and leave a comment with one of your least favorite subtitles, if you’re so inclined. If you like laughing at other people’s poor decision making skills so much that you must have more right now, here some others that we considered:

Tactics Ogre: Let Us Cling Together – Ew, no.
Space Rangers 2: Reboot – Stop using “reboot” in anything, now.
Baja: Edge of Control – Oooh, intense!
Mega Man Star Force 2: Zerker X Saurian & Zerker X Ninja – These are just stupid.
Burnout: Revenge – GENERIC!
ASO: Armored Scrum Object – lol wat?
Defense Grid: The Awakening – Good game, dumb subtitle.
The Hardy Boys: The Hidden Theft – I prefer my thefts to be in the open, with lots of witnesses.
Tomb Raider: Underworld – She raids tombs, isn’t she always in the “underworld?”
Vampire Rain: Altered Species – Yes, that would be what a vampire is.
Code of Honor 2: Conspiracy Island – Why they hell would you go to a place called “Conspiracy Island?”
Disgaea 3: Absence of Justice – Did you mean to say “injustice?”
Twin Eagle: Revenge Joe's Brother – Who’s Joe? A helicopter? And he’s got a brother? What?
Barkley: Shut Up And Jam! – Okay! Just stop yelling! :(

Feb 6, 2009

Cringe at 20 of the year's best examples of awful packaging

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Associate Editor, Digital at PC Gamer