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Famed torturer Torquemada could learn a thing from this virtually unendurable vehicle for pop tart Hilary Duff and her marginally less talented sister Haylie. Coming on like Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie in The Simple Life, the mega-rich siblings play, er, mega-rich siblings forced to slum it when their late daddy’s cosmetics empire goes tits-up overnight. Can they turn things around before it gets sold off for a song to scheming über-bitch Anjelica Huston? Not without reams of Valley Girl shtick, as our clueless heiresses work out how to survive in Los Angeles without valet parking, Jimmy Choos and bulimia-friendly diets.

“This thing is screwier than Courtney Love!” whimpers Hilary in her usual chihuahua-on-helium whine. Even she, however, manages to shine next to her aggravating older sister, saddled as she is with all the comic timing of a mortally wounded elephant.

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