How to spot a secretly evil game character

Stabbing you in the back in: Jak II (Kor), Metal Gear Solid: Portable Ops (Major Zero), Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II (Kreia)

With age comes experience. And the compulsion to turn into an arthritic a-hole. Seriously, don’t trust anyone over the age of 45. That’s when the evil gene kicks in… well, in video games anyway. Resenting their advanced gaming years, most just can’t resist the urge to bury a blade in the playable character. It’s a shame really. These insidious OAPs could have been anything. Authoritative narrators. Crotchety comedic support. GILFs. Ah well, their bad egg ways just gives us another excuse to ship dear old grandpa off to the retirement castle.

Above: Just look what Kreia could have done with her twilight years

Stabbing you in the back in: Grand Theft Auto III (Salvatore Leone), Ratchet and Clank: A Crack in Time (General Azimuth), Viewtiful Joe (Captain Blue)

What’s that you say, oh trusted and respected hero figure of ours? You want us to help you on your absolutely, positively not evil quest? Well, sure, why not? Wait, why are we suddenly lying in a pool of our own blood? Shiiiittttt. That’s right, never trust any NPC the playable character looks up to. Such a failure in judgement will only result in confusion, hurt and big blubbering tears of betrayal. Damn, it’s all coming back. Why Azimuth? WHY?!

Stabbing you in the back in: God of War II (Zeus)

Admittedly, this is pretty damn specific. But any character that sports a biblically epic beard and sandals combo (oh, and just happens to be ruler of all creation) is definitely a bit sketchy.

Feb 22, 2010

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