Life as a Nintendo Game Counselor in the early '00s sounds like a wild time. One moment, you're helping someone find the Ghost Ship in Zelda: The Wind Waker, and the next you're assuring a deeply concerned parent that their child isn't playing a game that prominently features a giant, gyrating penis.
Yes, that is a real thing that happened. People really did get stuck on Wind Waker's Ghost Ship quest. I know, can you believe it? Oh, you're more interested in the gyrating penis thing, of course you are. Yes, that was also a very real concern back in the early aughts, according to a newly resurfaced magazine snippet featuring former Nintendo Counselor Rick Sandbom.
As spotted by Sasha's Retrobytes, and verified by GamesRadar+, the August 2004 edition of Electronic Gaming Monthly featured a quote from Sandbom about a very specific but recurring complaint he remembered hearing from Animal Crossing players calling Nintendo for advice. Their concern, apparently, was that the gyroid in front of each players' house was actually some sort of marital aid.
"We got a lot of angry calls about Animal Crossing," said Sandbom. "A skin-colored hydrant in the game caused a stir with parents, who thought it looked like a wiggling penis."
Tales from the Nintendo counsellors: Angry Animal Crossing 📖: EGM, August 2004[image or embed]@sharkabytes.bsky.social
I've been playing Animal Crossing for 25 years going back to the first English language game from 2001, so I refuse to allow my precious childhood memories to be soiled by this story, but unfortunately I can't deny that I can understand the misperception having Googled what gyroids looked like that the time, especially distorted by old CRT hardware. Apparently, these complaint calls were so frequent that Nintendo implemented an official policy on how to deal with them.
"Our database even had a special page on dealing with the call," added Sandbom. "I waited every day to take this call, but it was always routed to hotline veterans."
What an honor, to be such a loyal employee of Nintendo that you're granted the privilege of taking calls in which you try convincing angry parents that what looks like a duck and gyrates like something else is in fact just a friendly neighborhood thingamabob that lets you save the game – although it's very much reading into the much more macabre origin story behind these bizarre and apparently phallic creatures.
