Clustercuss
Its nothing new that games are full of cuss words. Long gone are the days when hearing a f**k or a s**t might provoke at least a modicum of shock or surprise. But, just occassionally, the sheer volume and intensity of the poopy mouth is so extreme, so attention-grabbing, it smashes us in the ears like a big ball of sweary hadoken and we can't help but notice.
This feature is dedicated to some of the worst offenders - the most persistent and proficient pedlars of profanity, they who have been bestowed by their creators with a mouth outlet that runs rich with the aural stench of effing effluent. We are proud to present for your displeasure gamings most f**king foul-mouthed cursers...
Meyer | The Orion Conspiracy
While no one in this 1995 graphic adventure is afraid to drop a little f**k and s**t into the conversation, war veteran and space station maintenance officer Meyer is easily the biggest repeat offender, seemingly unable to construct a sentence without inserting something offensive, whether its a dumbass, a bulls%@t, or a f!ker. Admittedly its a little tame by todays standards, but still noteworthy for being the granddaddy of dirty mouth game characters.
Quote: He left us to die! That fat f**k!
General Serrano | Bulletstorm
We fell in love with Bulletstorms eloquent style of sailor speak when one of its promo trailers finished with the polite reminder: Hey dick-tits, this game aint gonna pre-order itself! While colourful language is ever present in the game, most memorable is nefarious army man General Serranos brand of toxic poetry, in particular his charming repertoire of pet names for his subordinates. These include, but arent limited to, Dumb monkey f**k!, Pus dicks!, Festering a**hles!, and Fungal rimjob!
Quote: Suck the tears off my d**k you ugly mud-f**kers!
50 Cent | 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand
Real-life rapping man 50 Cent has made a lucrative career out of swearing to music, so its no surprise his avatars vocabulary is just as offensively fertile. His first game, Bulletproof, was itself wonderfully generous with bad-speak, but Blood on the Sand brilliantly turns 50 Cents compulsive every-other-word-a-swear style into an actual feature by introducing a swear button, which is used for score multipliers (and swearing). You could even purchase new and exciting swears for the swear button as you progressed through the game.
Quote (and 50 Cents first line of dialogue in the game): Motherf**ker! S**t, this is f**king payday, homie.
Generic bad guys | Splinter Cell: Conviction
What they lack in hide-and-seek skills the Splinter Cell: Conviction generic bad guys more than make up for in over-the-top swearing skills. Half the bad guys are incapable of saying Fishers name without swearing (e.g. F**k! Its Fisher!), while the other half do away with the pleasantries altogether and simply replace his name with a swear (e.g. Were going to find you f**ker!). Perhaps in the next game they should just change his name to Sam F**ker.
Quote: Im not playing a**hole, quit f**king around and show yourself!
Detective Washington | House of the Dead: Overkill
For a time this game held the official world record for the most swears in a video game, notching up an impressive 189 f**ks. The vast majority of those effs came courtesy of Detective Washington, whose mouth was seemingly stuck on foul. When asked by his partner, Agent G, if he ever felt like cutting back on all the profanity, Agent Washingtons reply is characteristically succinct and without ambiguity: F**k that motherf**ker!
Despite the sterling work of Washington, the most swears in a game record is currently held by the next commendable proponent of expletives on our list...
Quote: Im gonna rip your motherf**king balls off!
Mobsters | Mafia II
Perhaps its down to poor-schooling, the lack of positive role-models, or an absence of moral fibre, but the criminal vernacular has always been a wealth of offensive words. So its no surprise this mob-focused adventure should steal away House of the Dead: Overkills most swears in a game world record. The official adjudication registered a f**k tally exceeding 200, although that wasnt the final count. A full copy of the games script was requested to verify a total, but nothing has been heard since. Theyre probably still counting.
Quote: F**king f**k!
Richard Marcinko | Rogue Warrior
The most unpleasant example of over-swearing on this list, this god-awful shooter sets the tone from the start with a difficulty select screen that makes (un)creative use of the words pussy, f**kers, and motherf**kers. This is followed by three torturous hours of a virtual version of real-life Vietnam veteran and retired Navy SEAL Richard Marcinko swearing his way through Communist Country like a belligerent drunk. To finish things off, talking cigarette Mickey Rourke (who voices Marcinko) performs a rap over the end credits. Most of the words begin with the letter f and rhyme with bucker.
Quote: Goddamn c**k breath Commie motherf**kers!
Shadow | Shadow the Hedgehog
Compared to the high-level of sewage talk evident on this list, the bewilderingly ill-conceived Shadow the Hedgehog is practically a saint in the gob department. But in the context of the Sonic universe, he may as well be Mickey Rourkes Richard Marcinko and is, therefore, definitely worth a mention. While Shadows sassy mouth is limited to Dammit! Damn! and Hell!, his overuse and painful shoehorning of the words at every opportunity is very silly. Segas attempt at doing cool and edgy just comes off as out-of-touch and cringe-worthy.
Quote: Wheres that damn fourth Chaos emerald!
Game Over screen | Download
To prove its edgy credentials, this futuristic side-scrolling shooter for the PC Engine console did swearing on its Game Over screen. Admittedly some of the edginess is lost in the Engrish translation (see image above), but for 1990, its definitely pretty edgy and certainly very sweary for the time.
Quote: I can not f**k up for this.
Zed | Lollipop Chainsaw
With a character profile that lists torturing small animals as an influence, its not surprising this nasty punk-headed zombie has an M-rated mouth to go along with his love of rodent cruelty. Besides the misogynistic flavour of Zeds relentless curse vomiting--hes particularly fond of bitch, slut, and whore--its the screeching pitch which makes it so offensively ear-curdling. In fact, Zeds swearing isnt just offensive, it can do actual physical damage by attacking lollipop-sucking heroine Juliet Starling in the form of giant letters, spelling out such delightful adjectives as Vanilla Slut and F**king Bitch. And who said words cant hurt you?
Quote: "Welcome to skull-f**k central!"
Now wash it out
What a charming little feature, full of such lovely words. Of course, this is just some of gaming's worst curse offenders and there are plenty more out there. Do you remember a game or character for being particularly foul in the mouth? Tell us in the comments.
For more like this, check out the Top 7... Rudest Cheats and Gaming's Least Wise Wiseguys.
