Randy Meeks (Scream 3)
If They’d Been A Proper Zombie: Sidney and co. would benefit from Randy’s uncanny knack for foreshadowing.
Due to his newly-found desire for flesh, they opt to keep him chained up in a backroom at the local Blockbuster so they can consult him.
Frank Bannister (The Frighteners)
How They Died: An architect-turned-spirit investigator voluntarily goes into hyperthermia after being injected with barbiturates. He freezes to death.
Why They Came Back: His friend Lucy brings him back to life, as his brief stop in the ghostly ether was necessary for him to reveal the identity of ghostly serial killer, Johnny Bartlett.
He recovers Bartlett’s ashes sending the evil maniac to hell for good.
If They’d Been A Proper Zombie: A frozen zombie with a vendetta? Undead Frank would’ve placed quite the burden on Lucy. She’d stuff him back in the freezer until it all blew over.
Casper (Casper)
How They Died: A young boy excited for the snow with an old sled, he succumbed to a fatal illness as a result of of the freezing temperature. It was probably pneumonia.
Why They Came Back: Instead of venturing into the afterlife, he chose to stay behind so his father wouldn’t be lonely. Joins forces with new tenant Kat, to put a stop to two wrong-doers trying to profit from his father’s inventions.
If They’d Been A Proper Zombie: “The Friendly Ghost” he may be, but a friendly kid zombie would not so easily have planted a smacker on Kat.
His pint-sized corpse would’ve been slapped by the frightened girl, causing his cheek to fall off.
Bertha Mills (The Others)
How They Died: A servant, Bertha perished from the dreaded tuberculosis epidemic.
Why They Came Back: To take care of the new residents of the house, who don’t realise they are dead and need a caring maternal hand to guide them. An albeit cryptic and unclear hand.
If They’d Been A Proper Zombie: New lady of the manor, Grace, would have donned the shotgun and blown her away. Nice old woman or not, her toothless, rotting visage would have soon savoured the flavour of a Remington.
Evelyn OConnell (The Mummy Returns)
How They Died: During a particularly nasty fight with the reincarnated Anck-su-namun, the archaelogist-librarian is stabbed.
Why They Came Back: Her son Alex uses the Book Of The Dead to revive her so she can put a stop to all of the reincarnated Mummies charging about trying to outwit each other. She saves her husband Rick’s life as he dangles precariously from a precipice overhanging a pit leading to the Underworld.
If They’d Been A Proper Zombie: There’s the chance Rick might have thought he was already in the Underworld if his putrified wife had turned up to extend a hand.
Zombie Evelyn would spend the remainder of her life on Earth sobbing. No one likes a dramatic zombie.
Malcolm Crowe (The Sixth Sense)
How They Died: A child psychologist, Malcolm dies when an old patient breaks into his home and shoots him in the gut.
Why They Came Back: Assisting one of his patients, the troubled Cole Sear, he rights wrongs done to the dead, helps Cole with his unique gift and lets go of the life he once had, giving his widow the chance to finally move on.
If They’d Been A Proper Zombie: The sight of Malcolm’s fetid corpse dressed in a long trench coat lumbering into the church would have scarred poor Cole for life.
Also unlikely Lynn Sear wouldn’t notice him sat on her sofa with his post-mortem excretions staining her upholstery.
R (Warm Bodies)
How They Died: A young lad whose name begins with R, dies at some point before the film starts. It’s highly probable he was killed by a zombie.
Why They Came Back: He comes back to life as an undead good samaritan.
A sentient chap whose flesh eating desires recede, he goes against the way of the zom and rescues the very human Julie from being turned into an amuse-bouche by his chums.
If They’d Been A Proper Zombie: In the case of Warm Bodies lore, he’d have been one of the ‘Boneys’ - the late stage undead who eat their own faces.
His budding romance with Julie would have suffered as no one likes trying to kiss someone without a face.
Victor Pascow (Pet Sematary)
How They Died: A student out for a jog, Pascow gets knocked down by a car and is unable to be saved despite the best efforts of university doctor, Louis Creed.
Why They Came Back: Pascow recalls how Louis tried to help him so returns as a spirit guide to essentially tell him: unless you want your dead loved ones to turn into murderous simulacra, best stay away from the Micmac Indian burial ground.
He also pops up to whisper into Louis’ wife’s ear while she’s driving to get her home quicker in order to stop her husband. Helpful, if a little dangerous.
If They’d Been A Proper Zombie: It would’ve taken him a lot longer to communicate with Louis and Rachel as he relays a lot of complex information to them both.
Try getting a zombie to say ‘discorporated.’
Archibald Moonlight Graham (Field Of Dreams)
How They Died: A baseball player turned doctor, it’s not explained but we expect Moonlight Graham died of old age.
Why They Came Back: As a young baseball player, Moonlight never had the chance to bat. He’s offered that opportunity when farmer Ray Kinsella plows down his corn crops to build a baseball field for dead players.
He then saves Ray’s daughter’s life when she chokes on a hot dog.
If They’d Been A Proper Zombie: Karin Kinsella would have not been so open to receiving medical assistance from someone whose health was in worse condition that hers.
Sam Wheat (Ghost)
How They Died: Strolling home from the theatre with his girlfriend Molly, investment banker Sam tussles with a mugger who shoots him, leaving him to bleed out.
Why They Came Back: It turns out Sam’s murder was no mugging-gone-wrong. He remains on Earth to bring his killers to justice, protect his girlfriend Molly and strike up a friendship with spirit medium Oda Mae Brown to get it all accomplished.
If They’d Been A Proper Zombie: Showing up at Oda Mae’s workplace half-rotted despite that suave hairdo would have certainly ruined his chances of helping Molly.
Ms. Brown and her associates would have first screamed the house down before calling the cops to drag his decomposing ass downtown for questioning.
