Pretty obvious this is the guy who’ll be a fullback.
Fullbacks are fast and adaptive, blocking those on the other team from getting too far down the field and scoring those vital points.
Predator’s excellent eyesight and hulking mass would serve him well on the pitch. Plus those mandibles are ugly - the opposition would want to keep well away from them.
Jabba the Hutt
With a neck girth like his, Jabba would be perfect on the defensive line.
All he’d need to do is sit there and stop the opposition getting past him.
One negative: he can’t really move all that well (if we’re taking the original trilogy as an example, not the new Special Editions). But then, that’s what the Sarlacc’s for...
Ewoks
Every game of American football needs, yeah, a ball.
Ewoks are little and round. Perfect.
Plus, they've been Return of the Jedi 's punching bag for nigh on 30 years now. So they're used to a rough and tumble or two.
Xenomorph
This beauty has speed on its side.
A sleek, well-oiled little runner, the Xenomorph was born to be a halfback.
What do halfbacks do? They run (natch), and attempt to score.
Pretty sure nothing would get in its way, unless the opposition want a face-full of metallic teeth, a tail-whipping, or an acid shower.
Superman
Look at him. Just take a moment and look at him.
If that’s not a future sporting star, we’ll eat our left loafer.
The last son of Krypton has loads going for him: speed, strength, vision, resilience. He’d probably have to be given several handicaps before playing just to make it a little more fair (“No flying, now, Supes”).
Negative: easy to take down if you’ve got a rock of kryptonite in your jockstrap.
Spock
A mind like that? Duh, manager of course.
Unlike most manager/coaches, Spock won’t let the heat of a moment get to him.
There’ll be none of that red-faced flapping from the sidelines, or angry yelling in the locker room.
Spock will quite calmly tell you exactly how he’ll apply to Vulcan death grip if you lose the match.
Now there’s incentive. Clever lad.
The Blob
If the game is looking a little desperate, the Blob is a sure-fire last-minute saviour.
Roll him/it/her out onto the pitch and he/it/she will consume the competition, leaving the pitch free and open for your team to score.
All's fair in football and war.
The Thing
If there’s one thing you need on your team, it’s a player who’s adaptable.
Enter the Thing. It can change into anything. Need four legs? It can do that. Need to re-grow an arm? The Thing's the thing you need.
Sadly, Thing’s not much of a team player.
E.T.
American Football would know exactly what to do with E.T.’s long, gangly arms.
Make him their prize thrower.
Sure he’s a bit squishy and short to be a quarterback, but pad him up and get him a nice, secure helmet and you’re on your way.
Josh Winning has worn a lot of hats over the years. Contributing Editor at Total Film, writer for SFX, and senior film writer at the Radio Times. Josh has also penned a novel about mysteries and monsters, is the co-host of a movie podcast, and has a library of pretty phenomenal stories from visiting some of the biggest TV and film sets in the world. He would also like you to know that he "lives for cat videos..." Don't we all, Josh. Don't we all.
