Don’t know if you’ve heard, but the end of the world is upon us. According to Harold Camping and his cult-like Family Radio, tomorrow –May 21, 2011 – will be the second coming of Jesus Christ. So, all the believers in the world will be called home, and the unrepentant sinners will be left behind to fend for themselves.
But if video games have taught us anything, the post-apocalyptic world may not be so bad! We’ve come up with a list of seven awesome things us left-behinders have to look forward to.
1. Plasmids (BioShock)
OK, so BioShock doesn’t technically depict the end of the world, but it does depict the world a madman created as the world he’d rather live in vs our world. And for the purposes of this list, that world is appropriately named Rapture. Sure, this waterlogged dream world is filled with various annoyances like Big Daddies and Splicers, but it also comes with the uber-cool invention of plasmids. Inject one of these puppies painfully into your forearm, and you automatically absorb the delicious stem cells that give you the equivalent of super powers. Send swarms of bees after your enemies! Move objects with your mind! Project a ghost of yourself to scout or spy for you! All of which can be purchased via jangling vending machines. And don’t forget the badass gene tonics, too. Handyman and Extra Nutrition would certainly be useful after Judgment Day, no?
2. Pip Boys (Fallout)
Think post-apocalyptic dystopia, and one’s mind automatically goes to Fallout. Sure, this end-of-world scenario carries some shitty things (Supermutants, giant ants, Deathclaws, and such), but these grotesque beasts are much easier to bear with your trusty RoboCo Pip-Boy. Not only can this handy wrist device help you change outfits in a millisecond, it maps your whole world, heals your wounds, checks your radiation levels, and even gauges how people around you perceive you! Not too shabby. And don’t forget it also has a nifty radio.
And if you’d like to have your very own pseudo Pip Boy, check out thisslick little iPhone case! You know you want one, Fallout freaks.
3. Wandering the wastelands blaring %26ldquo;Searching for Friends%26rdquo; (Final Fantasy VI)
Final Fantasy VI is one of the few games to promise and then actually deliver the end of the world. Appropriately enough, the world falls at the hand of a vengeful god (ok, a jester who recently BECAME a god) and leads to a decimated population, poisoned oceans and dramatic continental shifts. Sounds like a Rapture-level event to us, so assuming FFVI’s World of Ruin is an accurate portrayal of the End of Days, we can’t wait to roam the scorched earth while Nobuo Uematsu’s “Searching for Friends” plays somewhere in the distance, narrating our desperate quest to find our lost comrades. If FFVI’s soundtrack doesn’t magically emanate from the sky, we’ll blast it ourselves, wasting the last precious blips of electricity on a JRPG soundtrack.
4. Testing, for science (Portal 2)
In Portal 2, we see tons of automated messages playing on indefinite loops, suggesting something horrible has happened to the outside world. Yet even after civilization supposedly crumbles, Aperture Science will need lab rats to satiate the test-hungry AIs that live beneath the surface. The editors of GamesRadar would like to preemptively volunteer for said testing jobs, eagerly hoping to donate our hearts and minds for the people who are still alive.