Raggedy Ann & Andy: A Musical Adventure (1977)
The Movie: A toy pirate kidnaps a beautiful French doll. Luckily, Raggedy Ann and the other toys in Marcella’s playroom are up to the task of getting her back.
Most Disturbing Detail: There’s barely a pause for breath between the musical numbers, making this an exhausting test of endurance.
Babys Day Out (1994)
The Movie: A tiny little baby outwits three kidnappers and makes his way back through the big city. Would’ve made a great Pixar short, but as a live-action picture it’s horrendous.
Most Disturbing Detail: It was written by John Hughes! What went wrong?
The Movie: Robin Williams stars as a professor who invents an amazing new substance that, like, can bounce around and stuff. OK.
Most Disturbing Detail: The whole premise. And the fact that it stars Robin Williams. Other than that, it’s ace.
The Care Bears Movie (1985)
The Movie: Based on the popular toy line, and introducing us to the Care Bears, who live in a cloud city called Care-a-lot, and have names like Love-a-lot Bear and Baby Hugs Bear.
Most Disturbing Detail: Just how suffocatingly cute the whole thing is. Can’t… Breathe…
The Wonderful Land Of Oz (1969)
The Movie: Barry Mahon’s adaptation of The Marvelous Land Of Oz by L. Frank Baum. Mahon was better known before this as the director of nudie films Sex Killer and Fanny Hill Meets Dr. Erotico .
Most Disturbing Detail: The truly shocking production values – this looks more like a really poorly-staged play than a movie.
No More Baths (1998)
The Movie: Kids fight for their right not to have a bath in response to their favourite clubhouse getting closed down.
Most Disturbing Detail: The thought that other kids might try this at home.
Rainbow Brite And The Star Stealer (1985)
The Movie: All you really need to know is that it’s based on a Hallmark greeting card. Funnily enough, the film was made by Hallmark. No, we’re not cynical at all.
Most Disturbing Detail: The character names, which include Krys, Buddy Blue, On-X and Murky and Lurky. Whatever they were smoking back then, we want some.
Mr Nanny (1993)
The Movie: Hulk Hogan plays an ex-wrestler struggling financially (that’s a bit close to home, isn’t it?) who takes on a gig babysitting young ‘uns.
Most Disturbing Detail: The thought of leaving Hulk Hogan to look after your kids. Do you really want him teaching them bone-breaking wrestling moves?
Inspector Gadget (1999)
The Movie: Inspired by the (absolutely awesome) animated TV series, this Disney dreck sees the titular inspector clashing with Rupert Everett as Dr Claw (oh yes…).
Most Disturbing Detail: Matthew Broderick as Gadget?! Worst. Casting. Ever.
Titantic: The Legend Goes On (2001)
The Movie: Italian animated re-telling of the Titanic’s doomed maiden voyage. Widely considered one of the worst animated movies ever made.
Most Disturbing Detail: The fact that this story keeps getting told over and over even after James Cameron’s defining rendition.