Little Bigfoot (1997)
The Movie: Hilarious family fun! Or at least it wants to be. A young kid takes in a baby bigfoot, but then a gang of thugs make it their mission to kidnap the wee creature.
Most Disturbing Detail: Somehow they managed to release a DTV sequel the very same year . Now that’s fast work.
The Land Of Faraway (1987)
The Movie: A child-sized Christian Bale stars in this adaptation of Astrid Lindgren’s novel Mio min Mio – he’s transported to a magical realm where an evil knight rules.
Most Disturbing Detail: How poorly it adapts Lindgren’s novel.
The Cat In The Hat (2003)
The Movie: A candy-coloured slapstick slap in Dr Seuss’ face. So bad that Seuss’ widow threatened legal action if anybody ever tried to adapt a Dr Seuss novel again. Ouch.
Most Disturbing Detail: Mike Myers’ cat.
Rock-A-Doodle (1992)
The Movie: An animated movie version of Edmond Rostand’s play Chantecler . Chanticleer (Glen Campbell) is a rooster who’s ex-communicated when the other farm animals realise he serves no purpose.
Most Disturbing Detail: It was directed by Don Bluth, who also made An American Tail . Dude, what happened?
Bratz (2007)
The Movie: Live-action movie based on the same-named dolls and TV series, following four image-obsessed friends who are about to start high school. Vacuous doesn’t even begin to cover it.
Most Disturbing Detail: The whole package. Bratz indeed…
Daddy Day Camp (2007)
The Movie: Yet more ‘don’t dad’s do stupid things?’ hilarity, as Cuba Gooding Jr plays the role Eddie Murphy shouldered in Daddy Day Care . Yes, even Murphy knew to stay away from this one.
Most Disturbing Detail: Nearly the entire cast of Daddy Dare Care was recast for this sequel. Can’t think why.
The Little Mermaid II: Return To The Sea (2000)
The Movie: Ariel’s now got a daughter, who’s not allowed anywhere near the sea in case the sea witch gets her. Which, of course, means the little brat goes running to the ocean the first chance she gets.
Most Disturbing Detail: The new sea witch is Ursula's sister. Of course she is.
C.H.O.M.P.S. (1979)
The Movie: Comic book rip-off alert! A guy invents a robot dog who is Superman’s equal when it comes to super-strength and X-ray vision. Except a mean businessman wants the dog for himself.
Most Disturbing Detail: The hideous tagline. “A computerized canine who'll ‘short circuit’ his way into your heart.”
The New Adventures Of Pippi Longstocking (1988)
The Movie: A remake of Pippi’s original story. The intrepid young redhead is stranded in the family villa when her father’s ship goes missing. Is the villa haunted?
Most Disturbing Detail: When Pippi’s father returns, he tells her she can be a cannibal princess. Uh, yeah…
Baby Geniuses (1999)
The Movie: The original Baby Geniuses , and a horrible excuse for a movie. What on Earth were Kathleen Turner and Christopher Lloyd thinking being part of this?
Most Disturbing Detail: Watch out kids, apparently this film contains some “rude behaviour and dialogue”.
