Andy Wet Hot American Summer (2001)
The Job: Camp counsellor
Why The Suck: While on lifeguard duty, Andy’s sole responsibility is to make sure none of the kids drown. Naturally, he falls way short, and compounds his failure by hiding the body out in the woods. What will the parents say, hmm?
Danny Ocean Oceans Eleven (2001)
The Job: Professional thief
Why They Suck: Despite going to the trouble of convincing ten other crooks to join his con, building an exact replica of the bank vault they were targeting and piling hours of research working out the various routines of the casino staff, Ocean still introduces himself to the very man he’s robbing. And naturally, when the heist goes down, Terry Benadict knows exactly who’s responsible.
Jack Traven Speed (1994)
The Job: Police officer
Why They Suck: He could have averted the entire crisis in the scene where he runs alongside the bus, attempting to get the driver’s attention. Rap on the window with your badge out, and the whole thing’s sorted! Rap on the window, screaming like a loon, without your badge on show… and the bus goes over 50. D’oh!
The Police Academy Police Academy (1984)
The Job: Police Officers
Why They Suck: The tagline more or less says it all with this one. “The new police recruits. Call them slobs. Call them jerks. Call them gross. ... Just don't call them when you're in trouble.”
Elizabeth Halsey Bad Teacher (2011)
The Job: Teacher
Why They Suck: She swears at her students, drinks to excess, smokes weed and falls asleep in class with only a VCR to keep the pupils occupied. Somebody call OFSTED.
Terrence McDonagh Bad Lieutenant: Port Of Call New Orleans (2009)
The Job: Police Sergeant
Why They Suck: McDonagh has a raging drug habit, a tendency to violence and an extremely short temper. He does practically nothing “by the book”. Put simply, he’s a commanding officer’s worst nightmare.
Barry High Fidelity (2000)
The Job: Record store clerk
Why They Suck: Barry has perfected an icily unapproachable demeanour, which isn’t great when your job involves interaction with customers. Any poor soul who does manage to engage him can expect their taste in music to be dismissed with extreme prejudice.
RoboCop RoboCop (1987)
The Job: Er, a robot cop. Clue’s in the title.
Why They Suck: We’re not talking about Alex Murphy here, but rather his cybernetic alter-ego, who might be able to shrug off bullets as though they weren’t there, but never actually seems to bother with apprehending his foes. They mainly end up crippled or worse…
Dr. John Crawley - Shutter Island (2010)
The Job: Psychiatrist
Why They Suck: Crawley’s brilliant theory is that a psychologically unhinged man can be made well again by being driven even further down the path of madness. Needless to say, his plan doesn’t work out so well.
Ed Tom Bell - No Country For Old Men (2007)
The Job: Sheriff of West Texas
Why They Suck: During his pursuit of Anton Chigurh, Bell fails to run the numberplate of Llewellyn Moss’s vehicle, doesn’t get a description of Chigurh from the trailer park residents and chooses not to alert the El Paso authorities about an impending bloodbath. Is he even trying?
