If you've been following the news much lately, you're no doubt aware of the 250,000 leaked government documents that have potentially revealed all sorts of confidential information, from Middle Eastern fears of a nuclear Iran to China allegedly calling North Korea a "spoiled child." Amidst these very serious claims, GamesRadar has obtained exclusive access to new cables that suggest the Mushroom Kingdom's ongoing pursuit of larger and more devastating power-up costumes may finally be worrying its neighbors.
Above: Hyrule is clearly displeased with the Mushroom Kingdom's continued pursuance of new and lethal costumes
This specific document revealed Hyrule dignitaries wonder when "Mario will ever stop" and fear he and his Mushroom cabal may soon acquire a Nuclear Mario suit that would destabilize the entire balance of power in the Nintendo realm.
Above: And they'll probably just leave them sitting around World 1-2
Further statements from Link pondered the true impact of such a suit: "What, an invincible Star Man isn't enough? That thing only lasts for like 10 seconds and it's completely unbeatable. What is Mario going to do with a suit that sets off 25 megaton explosions every time he steps on a Goomba? Cleary preventative measures are called for." The statement comes as quite a shock, as Link has remained notoriously silent since he found a mirror in 1988.
Above: AND NOW I WILL SHUT UP FOREVER K BYE
To that end, it appears Hyrule has contracted a vast armada of ships from the Lylat system to act as "peacekeeping agents" in the event of a pre-emptive strike from the Mushroom Kingdom. The Lylat general, Fox McCloud, gave his own stern, decisive opinion on the matter:
Oh we probably should have translated that
We tried to reach the Mushroom Kingdom for comment, but all we received were multiple invites to golf and tennis matches. Tensions were already high, and this latest upset could destabilize the region even further.
This all totally happened.
November 30, 2010