Google+

WikiLeaks: Hyrule fearful of Mushroom Kingdom's costume arms race

If you've been following the news much lately, you're no doubt aware of the 250,000 leaked government documents that have potentially revealed all sorts of confidential information, from Middle Eastern fears of a nuclear Iran to China allegedly calling North Korea a "spoiled child." Amidst these very serious claims, GamesRadar has obtained exclusive access to new cables that suggest the Mushroom Kingdom's ongoing pursuit of larger and more devastating power-up costumes may finally be worrying its neighbors.


Above: Hyrule is clearly displeased with the Mushroom Kingdom's continued pursuance of new and lethal costumes

This specific document revealed Hyrule dignitaries wonder when "Mario will ever stop" and fear he and his Mushroom cabal may soon acquire a Nuclear Mario suit that would destabilize the entire balance of power in the Nintendo realm.


Above: And they'll probably just leave them sitting around World 1-2

Further statements from Link pondered the true impact of such a suit: "What, an invincible Star Man isn't enough? That thing only lasts for like 10 seconds and it's completely unbeatable. What is Mario going to do with a suit that sets off 25 megaton explosions every time he steps on a Goomba? Cleary preventative measures are called for." The statement comes as quite a shock, as Link has remained notoriously silent since he found a mirror in 1988.


Above: AND NOW I WILL SHUT UP FOREVER K BYE

To that end, it appears Hyrule has contracted a vast armada of ships from the Lylat system to act as "peacekeeping agents" in the event of a pre-emptive strike from the Mushroom Kingdom. The Lylat general, Fox McCloud, gave his own stern, decisive opinion on the matter:


Oh we probably should have translated that

We tried to reach the Mushroom Kingdom for comment, but all we received were multiple invites to golf and tennis matches. Tensions were already high, and this latest upset could destabilize the region even further.

This all totally happened.

November 30, 2010

Topics

Nintendo WTF

55 comments

  • EPICfailer27 - January 3, 2011 9:19 p.m.

    Happens
  • seabassuk - December 13, 2010 12:21 p.m.

    ................. *gets up and walks away from the Internet forever*
  • Vader999 - December 11, 2010 9:20 p.m.

    Hilarious. But then the Mushroom Kingdom could just sign a contract with any intergalactic power, such as Andross and the Venomians, Darth Vader and the Galactic Empire, or the Arbiter and the Elites, or Zeratul and the Protoss. ANYBODY can make panzies out of Lylat's fleet.
  • Styrophoamicus - December 2, 2010 5:34 p.m.

    Nice, Brett. Definite proof that WikiLeaks is powerful enough to transcend space, time and reality to bring you the truth. +10
  • VirAetas - December 2, 2010 5:27 p.m.

    I must say, I found quite a lot of enjoyment out of reading this article. I've even linked it around via the facebooks. Completely random, funny as hell, and oozing with a near toxic level of sarcasm and wit. This is why we love GamesRadar and, of course, you Mr Alston
  • Samael - December 2, 2010 4:06 p.m.

    Awesome awesome awesome. More stuff like this please!
  • Person5 - December 2, 2010 7:16 a.m.

    This was absolutely hilarious, what got me was the comment about Link being silent, how his last words were "I found a mirror under the table" just made me crack up
  • FortyVsZero - December 1, 2010 11:34 p.m.

    The next obvious step is peace talks between Starfox and Banjo-Kazooie. DABDA DABIDITTY DA HRU RHU HRU RHU, KRUROKRURO, GU-HAW!
  • WTeen8 - December 1, 2010 11:12 p.m.

    True, but what about what's happening in the F-Zero universe. Those cars are already floating, anyone suspect radioactivity, that would eventually end up with a full on F-Zero bomb car suicide mission? And who knows what Olimar is planning with his Pikmin....
  • hardcore_gamer1990 - December 1, 2010 10:13 p.m.

    I predict civil war in the state of Nintendo...
  • ComradeKhani - December 1, 2010 9:21 p.m.

    I might do my next current event on this.
  • monsterhunter3rox - December 1, 2010 2:59 p.m.

    lolwhat
  • Hotdiddykong - December 1, 2010 12:11 p.m.

    LOL *Sigh* We need a new starfox, Starfix 64 for 3DS just isnt enough :( Hopefully we'll get what Retro studios did to DK
  • NatDaGamer - December 1, 2010 9:24 a.m.

    brilliant. what more can i say?
  • humpiedumpie - December 1, 2010 8:55 a.m.

    hahaha this is great, this made my day
  • elpurplemonkey - December 1, 2010 8:07 a.m.

    Fox is what got me. Well done sir.
  • AngryScotsman - December 1, 2010 7:24 a.m.

    They may start World War 3-1.
  • QLev - December 1, 2010 5:54 a.m.

    Well played Brett, well played indeed.
  • NanoElite666 - December 1, 2010 5:43 a.m.

    Love it.
  • Fuzunga - December 1, 2010 5:10 a.m.

    Carrot Mario! YES!!

Showing 1-20 of 55 comments

Join the Discussion
Add a comment (HTML tags are not allowed.)
Characters remaining: 5000