7. Shadows of the Damned 2
Why we want a sequel: If you’ve never heard of this out-of-the-blue grindhouse romp, that’s a damned shame. Uniting the industry-veteran holy trinity of Suda51 (Killer 7), Shinji Mikami (Resident Evil), and Akira Yamaoka (Silent Hill), this balls-to-the-wall-insane third-person shooter was equal parts monster-killing madness and nonstop phallic humor. As the debonair demon-slayer Garcia Hotspur, we loved every minute of blasting away enemies with his crudely-named handgun, Boner, while a floating skull named Johnson rattled off witty British-isms. What surprised us most was how funny and downright fun it was, amidst all the gratuitous gore and jokes about slang words for “penis.” It’s a game so tongue-in-cheek tasteless, it ended up being a breath of fresh action-packed air.
Why it won’t happen: Though many critics, ourselves included, were fond of the game’s devil-may-care attitude, unique world, and crass extravagance, the game all but bombed in terms of sales. Sometimes, no matter how cool a game is, people don’t buy it – and developers won’t make what people won’t buy.