Without a stitch
Oh, nude codes. Constantly mocked and relentlessly popular, they are our secret shame, one of those things you make fun of to your friends while dreading the day someone stumbles on your internet history. Around since science developed the first vaguely human-shaped clump of pixels, these mythical codes have been the holy grail of teenage sexual frustration for decades. Ayane, Tifa, Sub-Zero, Solid Snake, you name em, theres a nuddy code for them--except not really, because the vast majority are completely fake.
To prove it, we bring you the Top 7 Games people thought had nude codes (but didn't). Here we present a careful investigation of how they captured the filthy imagination of the gaming world, and if you ask me youd best stick with our research. Things get scary when safesearch goes off.
7. Mortal Kombat 2
I know that when I'm playing a game about ripping out my enemies' spines, I always feel like there's a missed opportunity for a peek at the flesh I'm rending. Such is the case with Mortal Kombat, and though rumors of "nudalities" in Mortal Kombat 2 gave us some hope, that dream has been brutally and mercilessly shattered by facts.
"Nudalities," fatalities that involved the player character getting naked (in a really deadly way?) were the talk of middle school hallways and sleepovers everywhere. The purpose of these body-bearing powers was never really brought up, nor was their function in the game, but who cares! Boobs! The idea was so popular that some believe nudalities to exist to this day, even though they were never programmed in and never seen anywhere no matter what Craig from third-period math told you. The rumor became so famous that the parody game Tattoo Assassins included a few nude fatalities for laughs, but they would never appear in Mortal Kombat itself. Alas, no look at Goros hot bod before he rips a guy's face off.
6. Ocarina of Time
Nintendo is not amused by your birthday suit shenanigans. A company that largely caters to the E for Everyone crowd, they are known for putting the smackdown on explicit content, and getting characters naked falls pretty neatly into that category. That in mind, you wouldn't think people would fall for the claim that there are nude codes in Zelda: Ocarina of Time, or even particularly want them. And you would think wrong.
A rumored code (creatively called the All Lon Lon Ranch Nude! code) was said to turn the humble Hyrulian farm into a nudist colony, giving Talon, Malon, and Ingo naked skins, because that's definitely what we were all gunning for. The rumor was supposedly instigated by Nintendo developer Dan Owsen who came under fire from horny fans when they discovered it was all a hoax. However, an ancient Zelda fansite called Closet of Hyrule took credit for instigating the rumor and posting the 66-step "code" (now only available on a Tripod website--let that 90's web design soak in) and blaming Owsen. All for a bunch of naked ranch hands. Well okay then.
5. GoldenEye 007
Often nude code rumors come from overactive imaginations, playground bragging, and a vast game of social telephone that twists whispered lies into behemoths much bigger than they ever should have been. Other times, it's one guy with publishing power and no idea what he is about to unleash.
Back in the day, N64 Gamer deputy editor Narayan Pattison superimposed an image of a topless woman into a screenshot from Goldeneye 007 and captioned it with, "Write in and we may give you the nude code." A lighthearted laugh, you might say, but the boob-crazed of the world felt differently, and N64 Gamer was flooded with 1000s of responses as hapless fools begged for the code. Eventually Pattison had it to tell them that their princess was in another castle--any other castle, just please leave--though letters allegedly kept pouring in for another six months before everyone got the hint. Over ten years later, Pattison revealed that GoldenEye Nudegate is still one of his most prominent memories about the game, and yeah, I figure that kind of thing would stick with you.
Once upon a time, Samus was a great enigma; a bounty hunter shrouded in mystery and traffic-cone orange armor. Minds were blown at the end of Metroid when she was revealed to be a woman, taking advantage of player expectations to create a huge twist that called into consideration how women were viewed by the industry. Some players thought about that anyway, but a lot more were interested in seeing her naked. Sigh.
The developers had a bit of a hand in this one, as her flashy reveal has her clad in a bikini and/or stripped down to jimmies (its hard to tell with those graphics). Either way, news spread that if you did really well at the game, you would be rewarded with a naked Samus waving at you in the games very, very special ending. However, such a feature was never part of Metroid and all searches were in vain, depriving hard-working nerds everywhere of the slightly altered pixel coloration they so desired.
3. Super Mario 64
Contain yourselves, ladies and gentleman, I know this disappointment cuts deep. Super Mario 64 has always been a goldmine for fans of easter eggs, like finding Yoshi on top of the castle or uncovering the secret area in Tall, Tall Mountain. But sadly, oh so sadly, a naked Mario code is not amongst them.
Circulated in the early days of Super Mario 64 because why not, it was believed that some combination of button presses and adolescent wishes would end with Mario going au naturel. While videos have emerged showing our intrepid plumber exploring Peachs Castle in the buff, they arent the result of Nintendos programming, but of Gameshark recolors. (The chest buttons are a dead giveaway I hope.) Most replicators have been open about their tools so this rumor never reached L is Real levels of fanaticism, but some trolls breathed life into it nonetheless. However, punching in a code sadly wont cut it here, so those without Gameshark mods wont get to see Marios birthday suit. And yes, that goes for Peach too.
2. Half-Life 2
Alyx Vance is one of the most effective AI partners in gaming. She stands on equal footing with Gordon, fighting alongside him, interacting with him in realistic ways and being sweet and entertaining along the way. Shes a triumph of the medium, showing how gameplay and story can work together to create a dynamic character and experience. Thats cool and all, but when does she take her clothes off?
As popular as Alyx is in many circles, it wasnt long before rumors of nude codes for Half-Life 2 began to circulate--I'm guessing a couple hours after release, give or take. While they probably would have subsisted all on their lonesome, G-Mod lit a fire under that rocket with a collection of naked mods created just for that purpose. While Valve never specifically programmed in a nude code and there isnt an option to activate one, you have to wonder if it matters. All Im saying is dont search for pictures of her while in a public place. Your dignity will thank me.
1. Tomb Raider
Here it is, the mother of all nuddy rumors, the stuff of leafless legends: the Tomb Raider nude code. Lara Croft captivated audiences from the start with her athleticism and tiny short-shorts, so it was only a matter of time before someone lit that twitchy and uncomfortable powder keg. Light it they did, spreading the rumor that Lara Croft could be played in the buff with just the right code, and the world promptly exploded.
The instigator of this rumor is unknown but, really, did anyone check their sources here? Or were they too busy trying to get the camera to zoom in on Lara's boobs by running into the wall at the right angle? Players desperate to get a look under Laras adventure gear were willing to believe: no matter what. Even when developers said that no such code ever existed. Its since been the subject of about a thousand April Fools pranks, and when the devs point out that theyre still not making one its with, at best, lighthearted exasperation. But were living in the age of mods now, so players can get the nude Lara they always wanted, even if the creators wont give it to them. Take that, I guess!
Avert your eyes
Love them, hate them, cry into your pillow every night because you were one letter off from seeing Kitana naked (honest!), nude codes have embedded themselves into gaming psyche so deep that as long as devs keep not making them, gamers will keep pretending they did. Got a nude code story for us? Swear your friend whose brother works at Nintendo got one of these to work? Desperately want to prove us wrong and show that one of these is true? Tell us in the comments below, and remember this: if you go looking for proof, bring the brain bleach, and dont say I didnt warn you.