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The Top 7... game religions

Religion. In real life, it’s all kneeling, self-reflection and guilt. In games, it’s all alien conspiracies, demon worship and craftily put together cults designed to rob us of our readies. The following faiths might all be deceitful, money-grabbing or just downright homicidal, but at least they’re exciting. And hell, adopt a positive attitude, take everything they say at face value and follow  their orders blindly, and we might even make it through one of their sermons with all our limbs. Hallelujah!

Founded by a group of religious cultists who worship an unexploded megaton bomb. They built their church at the centre of the crater the bomb created. These Children of Atom believe that the atomic masses released by nuclear bombs contain whole universes and are, therefore, sacred.


Above: How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb

Full of optimism, hope and perpetually seeing the best in bad situations, the Children of Atom will turn even the biggest frown upside down. Should the bomb (which is in spitting distance of the church) go off, members will automatically be sent to a magical place where each will be the master of their own universe.


Above: What we all should be praying for


Anyone with an aversion to cancers or other diseases linked with long-term radiation exposure or having all their skin peel off may want to have a long hard think before committing to the church. Those with irrational fears of being vaporised by, as yet undetonated and unstable atomic bombs, may also be best sticking to more radiation-free religions.



In the magical land of Windia, full of armadillos, frogs and other talking animals, a mighty Dragon God ruled. However, the God was usurped by a new religious idol, St. Eva, who's newly-formed church quickly rose to prominence.

Followers can look super cool to all their friends by joining today's hottest new religion. St. Eva is an upstanding, caring role model. And, for any kids out there, he’s totally the baddest deity around. Not literally, of course, he’s definitely not some kind of mad, soul-harvesting demon.


Above: St. Eva's always been down with the kids


During the duration of your prayers the great St. Eva may or may not – we’re pretty sure he won’t – gain demonic powers as you worship him. There’s also a chance – although, again the odds are slim – that he might, say, take members' hearts once he’s finished sucking up all their praying goodness. Cut him some slack, it's not like the entire organisation is a hastily crafted cult used as a front to conceal an ever growing demon army.


Above: St. Eva churches - now with 38% less demons

Topics

Top 7

70 comments

  • PatHan-bHai - March 4, 2013 1:19 a.m.

    :3
  • wtyonamefooo - August 27, 2010 3:16 a.m.

    HOLD ON SADDLER IM COMMIN!!!!!... i dont know i think id rather have something shoved down my throat than get injected with eggs PROPS FOR RESIDENT EVIL 5 CAUSE IT WASNT IN HERE... but i know this was made a year and 3 months ago, still id rather be a majini than an illuminado
  • thatonekid1995 - June 22, 2009 9:30 a.m.

    i love it when my religion simply asks for all my money and No questions asked...As long as others and my dead corpse will be reanimated by some weird plant/puke colored thing. Do it Altman - he's watching!
  • jonveck - May 20, 2009 6:31 p.m.

    Surprised that Ultima 7 was not on the list. The Fellowship was one of the first examples of a seemingly benevolent religion secretly founded around the summoning of an evil immortal with the average, good-meaning member being completely unaware of the neferious plan. But, hey, the Ultima series only has 10 games, 4 spin-offs, and one of the first successful MMORPGs, much better to include something from Halo.
  • erenelliekush - May 20, 2009 12:57 a.m.

    tho its not truely in any game, you guys should have mentioned the church of captain falcon
  • pogo - May 16, 2009 11:46 a.m.

    i definately agree with the children of atom and the covenant
  • TreyTable - May 15, 2009 11:14 p.m.

    you didn't include Xenogears?
  • bull06 - May 15, 2009 9:58 p.m.

    nice view on religions guys!!!
  • deathrebellion - May 14, 2009 2:29 p.m.

    i expected Re4 & Sparda's followers to be mentioned from DMC4 when i read the title but why no demonking??
  • CandiedJester - May 13, 2009 11:26 p.m.

    There was also a group of people in Fallout 3 who worshiped a mutated talking tree, They were called the TreeMinders. Fun group.
  • RSC - May 13, 2009 1:44 a.m.

    Why isn't Bible Games for NES on here????
  • wiitard07 - May 12, 2009 9:23 p.m.

    I love the Unitology entry and Los Illumindados picture of the Regenerator picture which seems offensive to me i'm from Wisconsin!!!!
  • DeadGirls - May 12, 2009 8:57 a.m.

    Too bad religion isn't confined only to games and movies. Why do people have to believe all that bullshit in real life?
  • Cernunnos - May 12, 2009 8:41 a.m.

    well, the Unggoy and Kig-Yar dont really have much faith, they just joined becase they would be squashed otherwise. the Jiralhaene i think mostly joined due to the technology. nerd rant over.
  • Mavarious - May 12, 2009 6:07 a.m.

    Like someone said earlier, the covenant picture is racist lol. It looks like the elite is eating the black guy's head and everyone's standing around smiling. Lol, that made me laugh, almost didn't notice that.
  • Hecktor - May 12, 2009 5:46 a.m.

    Gamesradar smells like my work socks after 12 hrs. All the Halo references in almost every article is pathetic. The games are overrated garbage.
  • sensualCentipede - May 12, 2009 4:08 a.m.

    is it me or did the dead space religion seem a lot like scientology?
  • missmonster - May 12, 2009 3:22 a.m.

    LOL! Maybe a little credit for using my tentacle jewelry for #7's artwork? Funny article though. Cheers! -missmonster.com
  • KatamariLovesSpock - May 12, 2009 1:25 a.m.

    It's a kick in the dick that the elites quite the Covenant, need someone to be badass on The Great Journey. x3
  • Koouunn - May 11, 2009 11:24 p.m.

    lol nice article

Showing 1-20 of 70 comments

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