The most sick, morally questionable Achievements and Trophies

If you did any of these in the real-world, you'd be an asshole

But, let's say, purely for the purposes of this here article, that we take Achievements and Trophies out of their virtual world settings and reconsider them in real-life situations. Suddenly they don't seem quite so innocent. In fact, some of them are sick, irresponsible, criminal, socially unacceptable and/or morally questionable. In games they give us a sense of smug, triumphant satisfaction. But if we did any of the following for real... well, we probably wouldn't be able to sleep at night.

Afro Samurai
Let It Flow: Spill 2000 gallons of blood (15G)


Well done!
You simply don't care about all those people in desperate need of a blood transfusion.

Alarm for Cobra 11: Burning Wheels
Shopping Spree: Drive straight through a supermarket (10G)


Well done!
You've recklessly endangered the lives of shoppers and created a worthless stockpile of damaged packet goods, tinned foods, soft fruits and toiletries.

Alone in the Dark
Fisherman's Foe: Shoot a goldfish (10G/Bronze Trophy)


Well done!
You've dispatched a projectile from the barrel of a firearm and successfully targeted a harmless ornamental aquatic pet traditionally kept in a bowl of water by children whose parents refuse to buy them a proper animal companion.

Battlefield: Bad Company
Manic Lumberjack: Knock down a small forest (15G/Bronze Trophy)

Well done! You've destroyed another of the planet's ever dwindling oxygen factories and completely buggered the local wildlife.

Blitz: The League II
Testikill: Ruptured 10 scrotums (20G/Silver Trophy)


Well done!
You've obliterated the baby-making equipment of 10 men. They will now have to undergo invasive exploratory scrotal surgery to have any hope of salvaging their nuts.

Bomberman Act Zero
1,000,000 Bombs: You have set 1,000,000 bombs (50G)


Well done!
You are a terrorist.

Bully: Scholarship Edition
Skidmark: Give 50 wedgies (25G)


Well done!
You've humiliated another human being, consequently eroding their self-esteem and causing them great emotional distress and rectal pain in the process.

Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare
No Rest for the Weary: Stab an injured crawling enemy (10G)


Well done!
You've stuck a sharp combat knife into a defenceless man as he drags his already-wounded-ass through the dirt.

Call of Juarez: Bound in Blood
Arkansas Fried Rooster: Blow up 10 chickens with dynamite (10G/Bronze Trophy)

Well done! You've harnessed the impressive explosive power of nitro-glycerine to exterminate a bunch of harmless, domesticated flightless birds.

Darkest of Days
Bomb Technician: Kill yourself with an explosive device (25G)


Well done!
You are a suicide bomber.

Def Jam Icon
Ladies Man: Have 4 satisfied girlfriends simultaneously (35G)


Well done!
You're a dirty cheating snake-in-the-grass that doesn't give a shit about other people just as long as you get a regular ride and look like the big man to all your mates.

Eat Lead: The Return of Matt Hazard
Fire Hazard: Shoot and destroy 30 fire extinguishers (20G/Bronze Trophy)

Well done! By annihilating these pressurised protection devices you've significantly lowered the chances of a small fire being doused before it rages into a people-melting inferno.

Fallout 3
Psychotic Prankster: Placed a grenade or mine while pick pocketing (10G/Bronze Trophy)

Well done! You are shameless, scheming, scum-bag filth with an aversion to honesty and are reviled by all decent, hard-working folk. And you like to blow up your victims in the most cowardly way possible.

Hannah Montana: The Movie Game
Big Spender: Buy 100 articles of clothing (100G/Silver Trophy)


Well done!
You've become an obedient consumer of overpriced apparel stitched together in Third World sweat shops by impoverished four-year old children.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

I don't have the energy to really hate anything properly. Most things I think are OK or inoffensively average. I do love quite a lot of stuff as well, though.
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