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E3 2011: The silliest gesticulations from the Microsoft Press Conference

With rumors running hot that Nintendo’s new console will utilize a more traditional controller, we assumed Microsoft would play down some of the sillier aspects of Kinectivity. Quite the opposite! The Xbox press conference relentlessly bombarded gamers with Kinect enabled features throughout.


Above: Use the air, like you just don't care

And while the press conference kicked off with some interesting voice-controlled implementations, such as controlling Xbox TV and deploying squads in Mass Effect 3, it eventually unspooled many laughably out-dated aspects of motion controlled wackiness that we’d just  assumed the world had moved past. Rather than pretend it never happened, we decided to highlight the depths players can sink to when their body becomes the controller.


Above: FREEZE! Hands in the air, maggots… It’s time for Disneyland Adventures!


Above: Before loading certain Kinect games, players will be required to salute Bill Gates


Above: While enjoying Fable: The Journey, please feel free to perfect your fly fishing cast "She's a beauty!"


Above: Perform any endzone dance you like, just mind your internal Dignity Meter


Above: Ghost Recon: Future Soldier weapon customization, or pantomiming every Creed video?

 
Above: In Kinect Star Wars, you'll perform a force push... wait, this is how you fire in Ghost Recon?!


Above: Ah, here's Star Wars. Which apparently features motion-sensored Girl punches


Above: If you were wondering what the Kinect version of Wii waggle would be, look no further


Above: Tae Bo made a huge comeback in Dance Central 2


Above: "No, youda Werewolf!"


Above: This is Kinect, kids. You best leave that kinda shit on the Wii Balance Board


Above: You are not worthy to look upon Xbox TV! LOOK AWAY, FEMALE!


Above: Kinect Sports: Season 2 featured seasoned dochebags performing as jock stereotypes that made even nerds wince


Above: Levels in Sesame Street: Once Upon a Monster will conclude with an 80’s high-five freeze frame


BONUS READER SUBMISSION: Thanks Sam


Above: Submitted by JJ_UY via Reddit

Jun 6, 2011 

Topics

E3

34 comments

  • PanaMusica - June 7, 2011 8:52 a.m.

    we're going to Disneyland!
  • DuoDecimDuodenalulcer - June 7, 2011 12:56 a.m.

    I must say that this kinect charade was an absolute assault on my intelligence. Whoever gets paid massive dollars to think up awesome game ideas like doublefoot-stomping rabbits and striking effeminate poses in an effort to fill random shapes should volunteer for self-castration. Sharing those imbecilic poses with friends on facebook would get you halfway there.. Complete nonsense and a waste of time, human and economic capital. Fuck this, so much.
  • DarthDeva - June 7, 2011 12:27 a.m.

    Those were really awkward E3 moments. I was bored with all those kinect nonsense while watching the conference online
  • Yeager1122 - June 6, 2011 11:50 p.m.

    This was highly painful to watch but these pictures were hilarious.
  • FVHound - June 6, 2011 11:39 p.m.

    They just keep forgetting who goes to e3! Not kids! Not jock, Gamers! As in Game playing, guns blazing, magazine/net reading gamers! We're the only ones who visit these sites (gamesradar) and read about e3.
  • DannyIcefire - June 6, 2011 11:38 p.m.

    Nice. Glad I don't have either the space for a Kinect in my apartment, or a 360 to play it on.
  • Gameguy94 - June 6, 2011 10:59 p.m.

    "Cue the simulated family!" Man I love Tim Schafer.
  • KnightDehumidifier - June 6, 2011 10:51 p.m.

    Totally awesome VIDEO GAMES!
  • codystovall - June 6, 2011 10:06 p.m.

    even i wet myself happy seeing that gun be taken apart and i hate most shooters but ill buy a connect just to do that over and over again. FISTBUMP!(groan) GET THOSE DAMN COINS shes not serious enough also hot asian dancing ftw
  • Spybreak8 - June 6, 2011 9:59 p.m.

    I should have made this a drinking game for everytime they said Kinect lol.
  • lilspooky - June 6, 2011 9:57 p.m.

    Robot children are creepy
  • therawski - June 6, 2011 9:57 p.m.

    Real games are played with a controller.
  • KolbitosFruitJuice - June 6, 2011 9:53 p.m.

    Pretty much everything Kinect related (besides Sesame Street, 'cause Tim Shaefer+Elmo is boss) was crap, but I thought Tomb Raider was absolutely stunning. That was my favorite part of their conference. The only reason its above Mass Effect 3 is because I already knew I would love that, optional voice controls aside. Seriously, Tomb Raider is looking delicious
  • Zepaw - June 6, 2011 9:44 p.m.

    For Dance Central alone Kinect deserves to exist but stop shoehorning it into everything!! Look you can wave through a list of Netflix suggestions, awesome right?
  • Cyberninja - June 6, 2011 9:41 p.m.

    at this rate i see microsoft dropping out of the consle race if they dont release a new system next november if project cafe has ps3 specs or better.
  • LoganDeckard - June 6, 2011 9:41 p.m.

    I gotta say, I thought the Sesame Street Kinect demo was kinda endearing. It actually looked like a father and son bonding over a amazing looking Tim Schafer Sesame Street game.
  • Random88 - June 6, 2011 9:30 p.m.

    For all those disappointed that a fist bump pic wasn't added here is something to make up for it http://youtu.be/T9noHkbBOck
  • komadose - June 6, 2011 9:23 p.m.

    this conference was so embarrassing, that i wasn't even able to watch it completely. oh god, seriously... @db1331 you're absolutely right. all the hardcore-gamers must be really excited for all of this awesomeness!
  • JordanScudder - June 6, 2011 9:16 p.m.

    I thought the Football guys were hilarious! I hope it was intentional :S
  • peachguy - June 6, 2011 9:03 p.m.

    That last picture is delicious.

Showing 1-20 of 34 comments

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