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E3 2010: Everything you need to know about Kinect in one place

Microsoft officially re-unveiled 360 motion controller Natal last night, in a special pre-E3 2010 event. Except it didn't really, because Natal is now called Kinect (which we keep typing as 'Kinetic'), and because the event was less a press conference, more a huge confusing pile of excess and ribald insanity. So right now, there's a lot to take in regarding Kinect, and information has so far been scattered in shellshocked scraps across the four corners of the internet. But no longer!

I've ploughed through everything there is to know, hear and see, and collected it all together for you in one big feature. All the game, hardware and functionality details so far released are here, as is all the currently available video, and all the details on just how insane last night's event was. In short, everything you need to know. So read on and soak it up.

 

The event

The Kinect pre-E3 event was not a press conference. It was an abstract maelstrom of performance art and horror which focused more on being pretty and self-conciously weird than it did giving away anything as trifling as pertinent information.

Above: Yes, this is actually happening. You are not having a flashback 

Attendees were made to wear white ponchos with light-up shoulder pads which seemed to synch up with a light show in the ceiling, They were not allowed to sit down, and were eventually herded out of the way by militant Cirque du Soleil performers, to make way for a glowing elephant and a small boy dressed as Indiana Jones dancing on a giant Xbox 360 logo. Also, there was a gorilla covered in flowers.

All of this was juxtaposed with projected game footage and traditional 'family in the living room' lifestyle imagery, which leads me to one conclusion. If this is Microsoft's vision of the future of family life, everyone at that company can stay the hell away from my living room. I have a light coloured carpet and can do without the gorilla shit, however full of daisies it might be.

 

The games so far

Despite Microsoft's stormingly successful realisation of its lifelong goal of making the whole world go 'Huh?' while feeling a bit annoyed, it did actually find time to squeeze in a few games. Those demoed are as follows:

Above: It looks nice, but check out who moves first, player or Jedi. SUSPICIOUS!

Unnamed Star Wars game You know that non-existent lightsaber game everyone still uses as hope that the Wii will eventually be good for something apart from No More Heroes, Monster Hunter, and two first-party Nintendo games every five years? This is it. Your character has a lightsaber, and you use your hands to control the sexy VWWOMMM action. (Probably rigged) footage has been shown of stormtroopers and Darth Vader getting the red hot choppy-choppy treatment, and this is apparently one of a string of games coming from Lucasarts. Is it time to vainly ask for finger pointing point-and-click adventures now? Of course it is.

Joyride This is that Avatar karting game briefly shown off at last year's E3, now retooled for Kinect. You steer with your hands in a steering wheel position and thrust them forward to boost. Sound pretty good? Don't get too excited yet. We've heard that acceleration and braking are performed by leaning forward and back. If that's true, then the world's spine tramua specialists are going to have a new gaming injury on their hands to rival the glory days of Daley Thompson's Decathlon Wrist Syndrome.

Kinectimals Eyepet with real animals instead of an Eyepet. Erm, yay? No. No yay we think.

Kinect Sports Wii Sports with Avatars instead of Miis. Includes boxing, beach volleyball, bowling, table tennis, track and field and football (British, not American). Developed by Rare. Ladies and gentlemen, officially start mourning the N64 era now.

Above: USA Today has a quick look at the games

Kinect Adventures A mini-game collection. The only one shown so far is a white-water rafting game, which seems to be controlled by leaning and jumping. Two players can share a raft in co-op, and have to co-ordinate their movement for greater success. It's really pretty, and frankly looks okay as mini-games go. Definitely something you'd have a go on if you saw it in an arcade. If they still existed.

Dance Central Just Dance with.. Oh sod it, it's Just Dance. Though it's developed by Guitar Hero and Rock Band inventors Harmonix, so we're hoping it'll turn out to be more interesting than it sounds when we get more details.

Unnamed Yoga game Yup, Yoga. Hopefully it'll use Kinect to allow all kinds of arm-stretching, fire-breathing malarky, but we doubt it.

Next page: Why we're not writing it off yet.

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62 comments

  • oreopizza47 - June 18, 2010 9:24 p.m.

    i'm holding all applause for the actual release when we can see for ourselves what this thing can do. and quite frankly, i'd like it to be it's own console, since i can't be arsed to shell out for a whole 360. even though this would probably cost more on it's own. i wanna see more of milo.
  • Sickooo - June 17, 2010 5:59 a.m.

    ok wow that SW vid was sad, at least put some effert into it if ur gonna fake motion controling -_- ne ways idk bout this natal. (sorry kinect) i have a feeling itll b extremely overpriced and not at all worth it.
  • FreekinIdiot - June 16, 2010 10:59 a.m.

    Oh this is all such contrived, incongruous bullshit! Microsoft and Sony are playing catch up to the fucking Wii? What's going on?! Just show us some awesome games that require the use of a control pad you fucking sheep!
  • american101 - June 15, 2010 2:46 p.m.

    I think Kinect is the closest thing ever to made this 16 year old cry with utter most excitement and impatientness. I even think this was probarly close to one of my most wildest dreams. GOD PRAISE BOTH THE 360 SLIM AND THE RENOUNCED KINECT!!! (-_-")
  • Mackly - June 15, 2010 2:02 p.m.

    I hope we can still play the games with controllers.
  • Trg564 - June 15, 2010 12:27 p.m.

    Ooooo shiny
  • jamboy199three - June 15, 2010 8:29 a.m.

    be funny if the jedi thing actually worked like that and you could see him eating an imaginary bag of crisps or make him jerk off drth vader
  • super0sonic - June 15, 2010 8:03 a.m.

    Wow it really sounds like it was like a Cult or Religious orgy. flashing ponchos strange people dancing. Visions of the perfect home and worshiping a huge Xbox logo.
  • terdferguson - June 15, 2010 3:35 a.m.

    this honestly looks horrible. i see where Sony was explaining they couldn't done something like natal but the move is so much more solid when it comes to actually working but i don't think any of them really matter.
  • iamawesome27 - June 15, 2010 2:03 a.m.

    that's probably why Rare changed their logo. everything is falling into place, soon the whole world will know the power of Shigeru
  • Espir - June 15, 2010 1:20 a.m.

    buy it and enjoy your 1/2 hour of game play until you're utterly exhausted, possibly more depending on your stamina, however i find that most gamers lack stamina
  • twewy13 - June 15, 2010 1 a.m.

    that star wars game looked pretty cool, but wii motion+ and probably playstation move are better because you have something to hold and buttons to press
  • philipshaw - June 14, 2010 11:49 p.m.

    Looks bad
  • Howetzer - June 14, 2010 9:57 p.m.

    Good God Xbox Sucks. Im glad some of you sound like you're starting to realise it. Im happy with my decisions. Go MIcRo$oFt!
  • invadgir - June 14, 2010 9:14 p.m.

    $299 NEW XBOX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D
  • Zeb364 - June 14, 2010 8:41 p.m.

    Honestly, it looks like shit. The only game that looks cool is the Star Wars one and the Jedi does move first so it leads me to believe it might be irrevocably broken. Although I love the minority report style movie control just cause it's cool. Not $100 worth of cool, not even $60 worth, but still cool. But overall it still beats PS3 Move or Wii cause they all suck but Kinect (kind of a dumb name by the way) at least has one cool aspect and some remaining potential. So it's the least smelly pile of shit.
  • skynetiscoming - June 14, 2010 8:28 p.m.

    Finally a way to gauge who can run faster on the spot! REVOLUTIONARY!
  • djsn1per - June 14, 2010 8:24 p.m.

    If they make a penguin-punching game I'll buy it! But dear God I think I would be laughed at if I was ever caught playing games like those in my dorm...they better have some legit games and not just cater mostly to the family non-gamers like the *cough* Wii. But for now I still have hope...
  • Spybreak8 - June 14, 2010 8:07 p.m.

    I agree Vinicusg, totally make the game first and then see if the motion control can enhance it like 3D might as well.
  • nemesisuprising - June 14, 2010 7:56 p.m.

    its gonna be better than the one the ps3 one and and and...lets face it its gonna suck and so is the ps3 move...MOTION CONTROL SUCKS

Showing 1-20 of 62 comments

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