Amazing game peripherals from the stupid ages

It's junk! It's genius! It's a sexy collection of retro plastic

Words: on February 27, 2009

Game peripherals are no new thing. They've been with us for as long as we've had home videogame systems to plug them into. The first wave of game peripherals hoisted upon the virgin generation of gamers was a hit-and-miss mix of pointless plastic tat and genuinely innovative inventions. Here we've gathered a pretty even mix of the two, plus a bunch of stuff that falls somewhere in between. Be amazed.

Game Mate 2 Wireless Game Controllers
The orthopaedic shoes of the joystick world. And that antenna is a nasty eye-out accident just waiting to happen. Did anyone really hate wires so much they actually forked out for this crap?

Atari Mindlink
The idea behind the Mindlink was that it would let wearers of the headband peripheral control compatible Atari 2600 games by harnessing the power of their eyebrow muscles. That was the idea. In reality it was a steaming pile of bum gas. With all the forehead contortions required, early play-tests of the device gave people headaches. It was never released.

Vectrex Light Pen
No matter how shit-hot graphics get, the neon glow of simple vector lines will always be cool. So a pen that draws electric blue straight curves deserves to be right up there in the invention hall of fame along with the abacus, the wheel and the Wonderbra. It's one of the only things on this list that we actually want.

The Voice
The Voice for the Odyssey 2 added "the new and exciting dimension of voice and sound to home video entertainment." As exciting as this hitherto unexplored dimension was, The Voice was mostly used for saying things like "YOU ARE A LOSER" in robotized synth-speak.

Starpath Supercharger
A clunky thing you slotted into your Atari 2600 that bumped the machine's 128 byte RAM up to a planet destroying 6.2KB. Kind of like making a walking stick better by sticking on some bigger sticks.

The Joyboard
An Atari 2600 controller released by Amiga in 1982. You stood on it and moved about. There was only ever one skiing game released for it. The joy to be had with this board appears to be negligible. The Nikes on the box are pretty sweet, though.

Related

Platforms:

Xbox 360, PS3, PS2, Wii, PC, PSP, DS, Xbox, GameCube

36 Comments
Order Comments: Newest First | Oldest First
  • icehawk89

    icehawk89  - 2 years, 7 months ago  - Report

    Damn! Sign me uo for a starplex!!!
  • CorupptedCrunchie

    CorupptedCrunchie  - 2 years, 10 months ago  - Report

    i wonder wat console is illegal...
  • happaflapp

    happaflapp  - 2 years, 11 months ago  - Report

    Hah, Isn't it funny to look back 20+ years and make fun of stuff. Aren't today's console gamers so much more sophisticated with their 12 button rumble pads and xbox live crybabies.

    For those of us who were around back then. It was that innovation that brought some of the things we take for granted today.

    Nice piece of journalistic work there Matt.
  • Thelonius

    Thelonius  - 2 years, 11 months ago  - Report

    Great Article!!!!!
  • BigBossOSE

    BigBossOSE  - 2 years, 11 months ago  - Report

    Activator* and but* in my last comment. Sorry.
  • BigBossOSE

    BigBossOSE  - 2 years, 11 months ago  - Report

    It genuinely hurts me that it has literally been decades, and we are still making input devices that involve standing. Tell me, what else do you do with your legs that gave all these accessory makers the amazing idea that the lower half of your body would just be perfect for controlling precision inputs in video games that have only gotten more complex over the years (just look at the Sega Actiator)? The most basic of all human actions is probably eating, but how often do you go to a steak house, take off your shoes, pick up all necessary utensils between your toes, and cut up a steak for consumption? It's not for lack of desire, or even lack of trying (when you're a kid), bu the fact of the matter is, the legs and feet are blunt, stiff parts of your body that have never, ever been able to accomplish anything more accurate than a good round of DDR. Full-body experiences like the Joyboard make me die a little inside. The fact that we still haven't learned from our mistakes is worse. Maybe things like Wii Fit which involve...you know, standing in place, are fine, but look at Skate It on the Wii. Not doing it for me. Fuck peripherals that make you stand. The worst part is they will never go away.
  • Thequestion 121

    Thequestion 121  - 2 years, 11 months ago  - Report

    Nerd boner! lol
  • Counago21

    Counago21  - 2 years, 11 months ago  - Report

    "Nerd Boner Dilemma (1977)" LMAO
    Great article GR, i could just smash Miyamoto over the head with a wii board, piece of crap!
  • Ravenbom

    Ravenbom  - 2 years, 11 months ago  - Report

    Boner for Princess Disco Leia first
  • Orionthefirst

    Orionthefirst  - 2 years, 11 months ago  - Report

    What if the eyebrow-controller was successful? It would be epic to play Mirror's Edge like that. Look Ma, no hands!
  • reyalejandro13

    reyalejandro13  - 2 years, 11 months ago  - Report

    hey, how can you have a peripherals article without R.O.B.? the king of periphreals, and the only one still relevant. Also, Gameline to AOL? hard to beleive.
  • Montag

    Montag  - 2 years, 11 months ago  - Report

    ..... must admit tho' I love cheesy peripherals, especially in boxes with their polystyrene... ooooo suit you sir!

    I also own 2 vectrex... would that be a brace of vectrii?
  • Montag

    Montag  - 2 years, 11 months ago  - Report

    You may laugh, but there isn't anything there I wouldn't maim a fluffy kitten for, if only I could have it in my collection.

    If you want uber shizter then my PS1 fighting stage should be up there. Also how about an article about how modern peripherals are all just rip offs of ye olde days stuff
  • Hobojedi

    Hobojedi  - 2 years, 11 months ago  - Report

    You need teamwork and friends to win at the Coleco Vision thing...
  • Unoriginal

    Unoriginal  - 2 years, 11 months ago  - Report

    I would want to control my games with my feet.

    Oh wait, no I wouldn't.
  • hardcore_gamer1990

    hardcore_gamer1990  - 2 years, 11 months ago  - Report

    lol @ monty python foot playing the massive controller :)
  • KaylaKaze

    KaylaKaze  - 2 years, 11 months ago  - Report

    The Super Action controller was A LOT better than the coleco's standard controller. You really don't need everything in a single game. For example, you use the scroll wheel OR the joystick, and you generally only use the numberpad to respond to menus.
  • Juriasu

    Juriasu  - 2 years, 11 months ago  - Report

    How many hands do you need to play the colecovision super action thing with?
  • GamesRadarJustinTowell

    GamesRadarJustinTowell  - 2 years, 11 months ago  - Report

    That NES controller looks like something I read about in Sega Power back in the day. I think it's foot pedals for use with a crappy steering wheel which wasn't attached to anything, it used tilt. But seeing as this was before analogue steering wheels came in, it was a bit pointless. lol REcaptcha: Foothold Morton's... probably what this controller was called :P
  • willyfoureyes

    willyfoureyes  - 2 years, 11 months ago  - Report

    Starpath Supercharger...I remember having one of those a long, long time ago. Wasn't that the thingy where you had to hook it up to a cassette player to get the game you wanted to play to run?
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