A brief history of missile rides

How we learned to stop worrying and love gaming's most impossibly extreme sport

The insane, over-the-top, borderline racist shoot ‘em-up Chili Con Carnage has what is easily the funniest missile-riding scene ever put into a game, which in our book also makes it the best. It starts off strong, as gun-crazy hero Ram hops onto a stray rocket after battling an attack chopper, and zooms off in search of the villain Elvez Gonzalez.

Above: Our favorite screenshot of 2007

We next see Ram (presumably) several hours later, after the cold, stark realities of riding missiles with limitless fuel reserves have set in. Miles out to sea, Ram is wet, freezing and hounded by a bunch of dolphins who are just way too happy about this whole stupid situation.

Ram’s dignity is at an all-time low, and it only gets worse when he runs afoul of a flock of low-flying seagulls.

Luckily, Ram’s suffering isn’t totally in vain, as his Uncle Marco swoops in via helicopter and informs him that the missile is headed straight for Elvez’s distant retreat.

Needless to say, fireworks ensue soon after. You can see the whole silly spectacle for yourself in the following video.


After graduating from college in 2000 with a BA in journalism, I worked for five years as a copy editor, page designer and videogame-review columnist at a couple of mid-sized newspapers you've never heard of. My column eventually got me a freelancing gig with GMR magazine, which folded a few months later. I was hired on full-time by GamesRadar in late 2005, and have since been paid actual money to write silly articles about lovable blobs.
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