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5 reasons a Wii lightsaber game would suck

Apparently, the time is right for the Wii to finally get that glowing fighting sticks game set in a galaxy far, far away. Well, that’s according to Jason VandenBerghe, director of Red Steel 2. Now, while that might get the midi-chlorians of millions of Wii owners all hot and bothered, we’ve got five reasons a lightsaber game would suck more than a dinner date with Jar Jar Binks.


You wouldn't actually be holding a lightsaber...

No instead, you’d be grasping a crummy Wiimote between your mitts, which’ll most likely have some god-awful glowy peripheral attached onto it. And, frankly, that’s a rubbish substitute.


You just know they'd make the Wiimote make rubbish noises...

Only terrorists don’t like the sound of a good lightsaber swish. Everyone knows that. But, on the flipside, what everyone hates is the stupid, tinny sounds that developers programme to come out of the Wiimote’s speaker.


There would be no actual clash of sabers...

Alright, so your laser swords would clash on-screen, but you’d still just essentially be flapping your arms around like a tool at nothing. Hell, you might as well just cut out the middle man, picture some imaginary Sith, pick up a stick and start thrashing it about wildly, then check yourself into the nearest mental health ward.


You'd have more fun hitting someone with a stick...

Although, granted, that’d probably land you in the slammer.


You'll end up looking like this...


Mar 29, 2010


17 comments

  • crisdace - March 27, 2010 5:40 p.m.

    Who wouldn't want to be an obesse kid flipping around a golf club.To me that screams fun.:P
  • Cyberninja - March 27, 2010 2:20 p.m.

    i think would be good if the right person does it.
  • philipshaw - March 27, 2010 10:52 a.m.

    Have to agree with the article
  • speno93 - March 27, 2010 1:32 a.m.

    what would actually be better would be a sort of glove that would restrict your movments of your hands so it would feel like you really are holding a lightsaber and could simulate the whole locked in battle effect, although it could end up like the whole power glove affair. damn you lightsabers, too cool for your own good.
  • WickedSid - March 26, 2010 10:01 p.m.

    Awesome article. Put some less effort in because it hurts my sides, gotta love those pictures. You can recognize an awesome article when you see it because it usually says Words: Dave Meikleham, Gamesradar UK Please, avoid random trolls. reCaptcha: plateau Division, Hahaha! I now have the power of earthquakes and math!
  • nadrewod999 - March 26, 2010 9:52 p.m.

    They should have a Star Wars game on the PS3 after Move comes out. It is better than the Wii for three reasons: 1, It actually has a light on it (so you have a "light" and a "saber" all in one without any need for plasma).; 2, it can sense all six dimensions of movement (toward TV, away from TV, left, right, up, and down) compared to Wii's four (left, reight, up and down).; and 3, It would be on the PS3, so it would have amazing graphics and physics.
  • GoldenMe - March 26, 2010 9:01 p.m.

    Have to agree with Greed on this one. I never do like Dave's articles.
  • Turboash - March 26, 2010 6:25 p.m.

    I love how he strolls into frame and then BOOM he's attacked! Then after he lays down his savage beatings... strolls off like "Hey, no big deal. I do cool shit like this all the time."
  • TheSugarRay - March 26, 2010 6:06 p.m.

    Star wars kid, the meanist kid there is.
  • Embolado - March 26, 2010 5:52 p.m.

    @greed QFT and troll somewhere else That was the first time ive seen that vid and have to say i almost spit my tea all over my keyboard while watching this fool spaz out.
  • Greed - March 26, 2010 5:27 p.m.

    Awful article. Put some more effort in besides stupid pictures and old memes. You can just recognize a Dave article when you see it because it's usually stupid.
  • KnightDehumidifier - March 26, 2010 5:05 p.m.

    Fuck that Wii lightsaber game, let Move inherit the tripe.
  • michaelmcc827 - March 26, 2010 5:02 p.m.

    The whole "no collision" makes it absolutely impossible, there is no way dueling would work without maybe little attachments you'd put on the end of your wiimote.
  • jakery22 - March 26, 2010 4:38 p.m.

    Haha. I love it when he almost falls at the end. :L. And i've always wondered what a lightsaber game would be like for the Wii. Know i know; Absolutely terrible. :). And @ TheGeek I think this article is more of a joke than a real detailed article about a star wars game on the Wii. ReCAPTCHA: that bongos Now that isn't even proper english. Surely it must be THOSE bongos. ;P.
  • lovinmyps3 - March 26, 2010 4:27 p.m.

    You always have funny pics in your articles Meiks! =D
  • TheGeek - March 26, 2010 4:26 p.m.

    So nothing about actual game mechanics, just "no sword clashing" and "you would look like Star Wars kid"? Bad article. I would have to disagree with you. I think looking like Star Wars kid is worth some actual saber combat, although since they already did it on the Wii without Wii Motion Plus, they likely never will again. As much as it pains me to say this, a Star Wars lightsaber game would work better on the Sony Move than the Wii; 1 to 1 tracking, and better motion tracking sensors. But even if they do, i'm not buying a PS3. I like my Wii, PC, and DS just fine.
  • 510BrotherPanda - March 26, 2010 4:18 p.m.

    Dude, that Canadian guy's grankids will facepalm so hard, being remember for waving a stick around. If he has kids, that is.

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