T is for... ToeJam (and Earl)
Alien vagabonds ToeJam and Earl should occupy a special place in your heart. They're just a couple of cool cats who crash land on planet Earth and - surprisingly enough - don't want to cause any trouble. No death rays. No terraforming schemes. They'd rather just hang out in our hot tubs and practice their hula dancing - all while enjoying some seriously funky jams.
ToeJam and Earl's inaugural release was a Roguelike in a time before Roguelikes were popular. The levels, items, friends, and foes you encountered were all randomized. Sprinkled on top was a genuinely funny sense of humor that (shockingly) didn't devolve into the rampant toilet humor that punctuated the decade. Modern games could learn a thing or two from their easygoing attitude.
Last known whereabouts: ToeJam & Earl III: Mission to Earth (2002)
U is for... Ulala
I'll admit, Ulala's inclusion in this feature is a bit of a stretch, but she's simply too good to pass up. Her claim to fame came at the tail end of 1999 with the funky fresh rhythm action game, Space Channel 5. Ulala was a foxy news reporter who was simultaneously in charge of reporting on an alien abduction, and rescuing hostages the aliens had captured. And how did she do all this? By dancing, of course!
This plays out like a Simon Says game. By entering the commands correctly - up, up, down, down, shoot - Ulala would blast away the aliens and save the hostages, who then become her backup dancers (naturally). And if there are any lingering doubts regarding Ulala's coolness, consider this: she got to team up with the Michael Jackson for the game's finale. Who else on this list can claim that?
Last known whereabouts: Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed (2012)
V is for... Vectorman
Vectorman is far and away one of the coolest garbagemen you'll ever meet. His green color scheme and ability to shoot lasers out of his hands would have you think he was some sort of military robot, but you'd be wrong. His real job is shuttling 'sludge' into the sun - which requires a lot of laser shooting than you'd think (if you don't think about it too much).
Outside of his appearance (and awesome title music) the signs of Vectorman's radness can be hard spot, but rest assured it's there. Case in point: a little digitized voice will yell "Yeah!" when you collect a power-up. How rad is that? I like to think that if we did employ an army of Vectormen as our trash collectors then we'd be way more pro-active with our recycling.
Last known whereabouts: Vectorman 2 (1996)
W is for... Wario
That's right, Mario didn't make the cut but Wario sure as hell did. This villainous twist on the classic platforming hero has got that extra dash (dash? more like a cup) of attitude that just pushes him over the top. He's got the arms of Hulk Hogan, the teeth of Tony Robbins, and the body of a powdered donut. Top it all off with a killer stache and this gold-and-purple anti-plumber makes Mario look like a pushover.
If you think Wario is just some third-tier bit-character in the Mario series, think again. He has a breakout career of his own, eventually starting in the Wario Land games on Game Boy. These 2D platformers put a twist on the Mario formula by making Wario virtually indestructible. Instead of survival, your goals include solving logic puzzles and collecting treasure. And all his power-ups are things that would normally kill Mario - such as fire - but which instead make Wario stronger.
Last known whereabouts: Super Smash Bros. for Wii U
X is for... X
Mega Man X was doing gritty reboots before gritty reboots were cool. It took the classic Mega Man formula and threw it into a dark and violent future. There was even a character literally named Vile who, basically, murdered your best friend. I'm just shocked they didn't throw in a couple of dead parents for good measure - oh wait, they did.
In all fairness however, Mega Man X is pretty much excellent in all the ways video games can be excellent. It looks great, plays great, and makes that little SNES sound chip sing with its rockin' soundtrack. And in a shocking, super-secret twist that rocked the fragile minds of gamers worldwide, X could learn to perform the hadouken. It took a lot of skill - and a little luck - but those who sought it out were gifted with the most devastating move in the game.
Last known whereabouts: Mega Man X Collection (2008)
Y is for... Yoshi
There are few power-ups in all of gaming more coveted - or enjoyable - as the animal companion you can ride. You're faster, stronger, and quite frankly look way more awesome than if you were just running around on foot like some... pedestrian. Kirby's Dream Land 3 figured this out. Donkey Kong Country figured this out. Yoshi brought this level of excitement to the world of Super Mario, specifically in 1990's Super Mario World.
Yoshi, otherwise known as T. Yoshisaur Munchakoopas, is a green dinosaur, or maybe a dragon (or both), who is both Mario and Luigi's friend and trusted animal sidekick. His long, prehensile tongue lets him gobble enemies from a distance, before... um... converting them into eggs and throwing them at enemies. Also, if Yoshi really IS a dinosaur, then does that mean his full name is Tyrannosaurus Yoshisaur Muchakoopas? What a mouthful.
Last known whereabouts: Super Smash Bros. for Wii U (2014)
Z is for... Zool
Oh Zool, you couldnt even be original in your approach to unoriginality, could you? Vaunted Sonic-killer? Yawn. Fast-paced gameplay? Yawn. Edgy, quirky personality? Yawn. Licensing deal to sell unhealthy crap to kids (in this case, Chuppa Chups)? Yawn. Zool was, is, and always will be a black hole of creativity - as empty and devoid of character as his stupid ninja outfit.
As excited as our Amiga-owning friends were over their perceived answer to Sonic and Mario, the fact remains those smiles were a desperate front to hide their frantic search for a subtle and tactful way of asking to put Alien Breed back on. Later in life, Zool actually made it into a fairly unsuccessful coin-op following his computer and console debuts. Street Fighter II was also a coin-op, but it was much better.
Last known whereabouts: Zool 2 (1993)
Radness overload.
As you undoubtedly noticed, the '90s were a bit of a mess. There were a lot of questionable ideas, and by the end of it we were all sick of that in-your-face attitude and just wanted some peace and quiet. It was really all Sonic's fault, really. Even so, these mascots do have a certain, undeniable charm, and each one is far more distinct than the revolving door of military action dudes found in modern games. It's too bad we basically ran this idea into the ground.
And for more '90s fun head on over to Problems only a '90s gamer could understand and 11 game that embody the spirit of the '90s.
