Skip to main content

The worst box art of 2013

41. NBA Live 14

Kyrie Irving could not be more bored with you. The dead-eyed look on his face speaks volumes to how unimpressive you are. And let's face it: what do you have to offer compared to a star basketball player, who continues to play even though he's seemingly been amputated from the left elbow down?

40. Air Conflicts Vietnam

In a sense, the folks at Kalypso are incredibly prophetic. They had the foresight to design the box art of their atrocious dogfighting game just so, giving it the appearance of a box being engulfed by flames. This accurately simulates what the case will look like when you chuck it into your fireplace after playing it for no more than five minutes.

39. Pressure

Let me attempt to reason this through. Either I stay an appropriate distance away from you, or you will bathe me. Is that the threat currently being made by this racing game, as it bursts through magenta fabric? Also, whoever drew that tubby dude who's about to be impaled on a kart's spiked grill should learn how to draw beards that don't look like fuzzy gonads.

38. WWE 2K14

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is so skilled at hitting the really high notes in karaoke, his skin actually starts emanating steam.

37. Ship Simulator Extremes: Inland Shipping

We've discussed at length how often game developers abuse the word "extreme" in their products. But never before has the word been as egregiously misused as on this DLC pack. Even if every single thing depicted in that screenshot exploded simultaneously, it still wouldn't be even remotely extreme, let alone multiple extremes.

36. Defiance

In theory, this box art has it all. Epic firefight between humans and aliens in the foreground; explosive destruction of the Golden Gate Bridge in the background; two decked-out, gun-toting mercenaries posing above it all. Yet, when you put it all together, what you get is some dreadfully bland box art that's about as thrilling as the color gray.

35. Bandfuse Rock Legends

BREAKING: Scientists have made contact with an alien race, who in many ways resemble our own Homo sapien form. Their physical traits make them easy to identify: these extraterrestrials all have extremely wild hair, human-like torsos with no legs underneath, and no discernible eyeballs. To make up for their lack of a lower body, these strange creatures travel atop floating guitars, holding onto the neck for dear life. These three specimens have been forever immortalized on the cover of a rhythm game which WORKS WITH ANY REAL GUITAR WITH A 1/4" JACK.

34. Ride to Hell: Retribution

For such a godawful atrocity of a game, this box art isn't as terrible as it could be. Anytime a box has the Grim Reaper wreathed in revolvers and knives, you're already off to a decent start. But what I want to know is: what, exactly, is the "1%" all about? Is that Deep Silver bragging about one of the review scores? ZING!

33. Recovery Search & Rescue Simulation

This game finally lets you give people the gift of SARS (search and rescue simulation). Though I'm not sure why someone thought an official in full gear and a helicopter were necessary to save me from the ankle-deep water of this creek. And I swear, that man is the spitting image of the awesome League of Legends commentator Rivington the 3rd.

32. FIFA 14

Here we see Lionel Messi (thank you, Wikipedia) photographed in the middle of a very dire situation. It's been cropped out, but Messi's right hand has just gotten stuck in a faulty toaster, which occurred when he tried to salvage his trapped morning toast with a fork. The electricity now coursing through Messi's body is causing his mouth to scream in pain, his hair to stand on end, and his vision to short-circuit to black-and-white. Pity the man.