The 7 least-scary moments in scary games

1. Resident Evil (PSone, PC, DS, Saturn) - Every single time anyone opens their fat stupid mouths
The original Resident Evil might not have been the first survival-horror game, but it's the one that set the mold for all the others to follow. Telling the story of a group of special agents trapped in a house full of zombies, its schlocky scares and obtuse puzzles were made up for by an overbearing sense that something could jump out and eat you at any second - mostly because it often did.

But Resident Evil is infamous for another reason: its hilariously bad voice acting and script. If you've ever heard the lines, "You, the master of unlocking," or "STOP IT! Don't open! That door!" or even "You were almost a Jill sandwich," then you've tasted the true horror of Resident Evil.

The game might have been a trailblazer, but every time one of those characters started to say something, we wanted to tell them to shut the hell up or else we'd walk them straight into a zombie. Still, we grudgingly grew fond of them, and when the slick GameCube remake shoved them aside in favor of performances that were paid for with money instead of sandwiches, a little part of us died - only to reawaken later and attempt to eat the rest of us.

Think you know an even unscarier moment? (And please don't say, "all of them, because I am extremely manly and do not find so-called 'horror' games frightening in the least." Everyone's heard that a million times, and it's a total buzzkill.) Feel free to tell us about it in ourforum.