You’ll want headphones for: Far Cry 2
Reason: You want to get as close to deepest Africa without being kidnapped
Above: A lot to hear, much of which is lost to the ether when pumping out of your speakers
Suddenly the savannah is alive with buzzing insects and distant birdcall, the soft breeze passing through dead grass and the gentle ripple of a nearby stream as the current flows over smooth rock. And the low rumble of a rusty jeep engine as it grows louder and louder and oh my God it’s chasing me and there’s angry men shouting again quick RUN RUN ARGHHHH!
You’ll want headphones for: The World Ends With You
Reason: You are a hipster with a fine taste in music
It’s hard to appreciate great game music in public. Even if you manage to hear the tunes whispering from your tiny DS speakers over noisy commuters or annoying siblings sat next to you on the back seat, you tend to get a few weird looks when you start to bop your head and tap your foot. The weird looks this’ll get you whilst playing Tokyo hipster simulator The World Ends With You are almost worth the embarrassment.
Above: “It’s So Wonderful,” the game’s intro theme. Damn amazing work on the DS
However, for those looking to avoid public shame whilst listening to genuinely excellent music, then headphones are the way to go. Impressively for DS much of the TWEWY soundtrack features full lyrics, and from the orchestral “Amnesia,” to the full rap “Three Minutes Clapping,” these are songs we’d happily put on our iTunes, playlist name: How Did Square Enix Achieve This Witchcraft?
You’ll want headphones for: GTA IV
Reason: You want to get as close to New York without getting shot
If buzzing insects and enchanting birdcall characterize Far Cry 2’s setting, buzzing crowds and disgruntled Liberty City citizens flipping the bird define GTA IV. Now, unless you sit with your ear pressed to the speaker, your setup has to compete with real-world distractions – like inconsiderate family and friends daring to interrupt your “me time.” Brilliantly, headphones let you cut off the outside world completely (though you may piss off your pals in the process).
Above: All this from ONE TYPE of NPC
With reality safely rendered mute, you’re free to enjoy Rockstar’s ridiculously detailed audio. Now it’s not just loud gunfire, car crashes and “CUZZANN” Roman’s irritating phone calls that wrestle for your attention, but far-away citizens excitedly discussing plastic surgery, the moronic radio show leaking from the windows of the car in front and the feint roar of a plane as it passes overhead. It’s great, even if you can now hear in greater vividness the terrible curses of a foreign taxi driver whose bumper you’ve just knocked off…
You’ll want headphones for: Rock Band 3
Reason: No-one else wants to hear that shit
Look, we understand Rock Band 3 is best played in a band, one which preferably rocks (hence the name), but with Harmonix’s 3rd iteration of its Metacritic-conquering series and the new ‘pro mode’ which asks you to essentially play the songs as they are in real life, you’re going to need a lot of practice. That’s where headphones come in.
Before you set up the smoke machine and invite your lady friends round, you must insure you won’t balls up the song. This requires hours alone in your room with nothing but your plastic instrument and your shame. Fine for you, maybe, but not for the other people in your house who have to hear the double-awfulness of clacking plastic AND the same song 100 times a day. Living with a practicing musician is trying enough, but a practicing musician using Rock Band 3 as a teacher? That’s probably stretching it. Prevent domestic violence: wear headphones. And maybe get your own place.
Got other games in mind you think would benefit from headphones? Let us hear it in the comments!
Apr 6, 2011
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Though they’re not that much stupider than the room-migration kit
Audio wonders most people never hear
