All About Me
The Moment: Arnie gets a video message from himself in Total Recall . “You are not you, you’re me,” says Arnie. “No shit,” says Arnie.
Arnie Magic: If there’s one consistency throughout Arnie’s career, it’s films that have him interacting with himself – which he always pulls off beautifully. This guy has chemistry with everyone!
The Moment: Having been cloned in The Sixth Day , Arnie has the perfect put-down for the cloner. “You should clone yourself now, while you're still alive,” he tells Drucker. Why? “So you can go fuck yourself.”
Arnie Magic: If Arnie excels at anything, it’s the curt, dry putdown.
The Moment: Alright, so the alligator is a crummy CGI creation, but Arnie’s hero enough to take it on anyway in Eraser . When he eventually manages to pull out a firearm and shoot the creature in the gob, he also lets loose that closing line: "You're luggage."
Arnie Magic: The CGI’s ropey as hell, but with Arnie in the picture, we don’t really care.
Off with his head
The Moment: Arnie shows them who’s boss in Conan The Barbarian when he uses a machete to chop a guy’s head clean off and then show it to the cowering crowds. What a brute.
Arnie Magic: Jason Momoa proved that making a barbarian loveable is no small task. Here, Arnie makes it look easy.
The Moment: At the climax of True Lies , Arnie’s flying a jet plane (don’t ask) when an evil terrorist gets stuck on a rocket. “You’re fired” Arnie tells him, before literally firing the missile and blowing the terrorist to smithereens.
Arnie Magic: If Vin Diesel or The Rock said this, we’d be rolling our eyes. Instead, we’re cheering. God bless you, Arnie.
The Moment: The T-800 smashes through a window and takes a machine gun to the cops and their cars outside – making sure not to fatally injure anybody (John wouldn’t approve of that).
Arnie Magic: Nobody sells a guy in leather wielding a massive gun quite like Arnie does.
The Moment: This scene from Collateral Damage is equal parts mind-boggling, hilarious and skin-crawling, as Arnie’s found taking a shower with his on-screen son. Weird. Just weird.
Arnie Magic: The magic’s wearing a bit thin on this one…
The Moment: As Bill Paxton describes diddling Jamie Lee Curtis to Arnie in True Lies , it all just gets a little too much for the Austrian Oak, who imagines punching the car salesman so hard that he dies right there in the car.
Arnie Magic: Nobody does the mad eyes quite like Arnie.
Nom nom nom
The Moment: Conan’s been strung up in a dead tree in the middle of the desert (in Conan The Barbarian ), where vultures are starting to eat him. His response? Kill the bothersome animals with the only thing he’s got doing for him – his teeth.
Arnie Magic: All other action stars fall down in the face of Arnie's willingness to do anything. Yes, even chomp on feathers.
Cooking with Arnie
The Moment: "You should not drink and bake." The one-liners keep coming thick and fast in 1986’s otherwise deplorable Raw Deal , in which Arnie returns home to find his wife’s been hitting the booze and baked a cake for him – which she then hurls in his direction. His serial-killer-calm response? See above.
Arnie Magic: Deadpan lives on through Arnie. Thankyoumoreplease.
The Moment: In the midst of the churning crap that is Jingle All The Way , we get this tiny little highlight that almost makes it all worthwhile – Arnie punches a reindeer right in the face. Yes, a reindeer!
Arnie Magic: He’s really got a thing for punching animals, as we’ll find out later.
The Moment: John Connor (Ed Furlong) attempts to teach the Terminator how to smile in T2 . After briefly analysing a guy across the street, the T-800 tries to form its facial muscles into a cheesy grin. The result is more equine than easy-going. Hilarious, mind.
Arnie Magic: Deadpan is Arnie’s friend.
The Moment: "SHUT UUUP!" Sometimes the only way to get a classroom-load of kids to stop smearing things, screaming, pulling hair and generally being a nuisance is to scream at them. Which is the approach Arnie takes in Kindergarten Cop .
Arnie Magic: The crazy eyes. The massive maw. The big hair. This would be painful if it wasn’t Arnie.
Put your leg down
The Moment: “You have to do what I say,” John realises in T2 , before telling Arnie’s Terminator to stand on one leg. That’s until a group of hard-nuts come over and John needs the T-800 to beat them up for him.
Arnie Magic: Arnie plays it straight as usual, and gets the laughs.
The Moment: Arnie, playing action hero Jack Slater in Last Action Hero , breaks through into the real world, where he bumps into the real Arnie, played by Arnie. Two Arnies for the price of one. Arnie.
Arnie Magic: The joke’s on us – Arnie proves he knows how to laugh at himself.
The Moment: In End Of Days , Arnie confronts Gabriel Byrne’s Satan and well and truly puts him in his place: “You want to fuck with me? You think you know bad? You’re a fucking choir boy compared to me!”
Arnie Magic: Even the Devil’s got nothing on Arnie.
The Moment: In Conan The Destroyer , Arnie’s surrounded by guys on horses, who shoot him with a net in an attempt to capture him. Arnie’s response? Grab the net and drag the enemy to you. Amazing.
Arnie Magic: Arnie versus horse? We buy it.
Wag That Tongue
The Moment: Exposed to the harsh Mars atmosphere in Total Recall , Arnie’s body starts to do weird things – like turning into a prosthetic dummy that wags its tongue emphatically as his eyes come out on stalks. That’s gotta hurt.
Arnie Magic: Over the top? Check. Unintentionally funny? Check. That’s Arnie.
The Moment: An undercover, unshaven Arnie raids a drug den for a key witness in Kindergarten Cop . “Who are you, man?” demands a stoner. BLAM, Arnie destroys the couch the guy’s just leapt from. “I’m da party poopah,” he drawls.
Arnie Magic: It’s all in the delivery, and Arnie shows that even when he’s in a comedy, he can play it deadly straight.
The Moment: Conan’s out for a stroll and gets a little knuckle-happy when he encounters a camel, which he smacks square in the face. The offending camel then falls over – presumably in shock at being that close to Arnie.
Arnie Magic: Arnie plays it like a big kid, which of course Conan is.
The Moment: In his first ever movie role, Schwarzenegger plays Hercules, who descends into New York against the wishes of Zeus. There, he encounters a bear (alright, a guy in a bear suit, which just makes it even better), which he proceeds to beat up.
Arnie Magic: More animal cruelty. What gives, Arn?
Nice night for a walk
The Moment: Having time-hopped into the past in The Terminator , the T-800 comes across a group of colourful teenagers (among them Bill Paxton). When they pull switchblades on him, the robo-assassin gives them what for in the bloodiest way possible.
Arnie Magic: He may be in the buff, but Arnie’s still got prowess to boot.
Take That Taxi
The Moment: In Total Recall , Arnie’s constant insults lead to a robotic taxi driver committing suicide. That’s the way to do it.
Arnie Magic: Arnie makes coming up with robot-baiting insults look like a breeze.
The Moment: “Wanna see me kick some ass?” drawls a mall security guard to a gaggle of giant-haired girlies in Commando , as he prepares to take on Arnie. Big mistake, buddie. Within seconds, Arnie’s made short work of the wise guy, and put paid to his plans for a little lady-loving.
Arnie Magic: A security guard is no match for the power of Schwarzenegger.
The Moment: The most bombastic (and best) scene from the otherwise “meh”-shaped Terminator 3 has the T-800 clinging on to the back of a massive lorry and being smashed into various things while the police give chase. Fantastic stuff.
Arnie Magic: Though he clearly had a stunt double, Arnie proves he’s still up for a little rough and tumble in some of the close ups.
The Moment: In The Running Man , Arnie screams at an evil TV exec through a camera, and delivers a threat that’ll chill you to the bone. “I live to see you eat that contract, but I hope you leave enough room for my fist because I’m going to ram it into your stomach and break your god-damn spine!”
Arnie Magic: Arnie delivers the line right to camera, which is a first.
The Moment: At the close of Terminator 2 , the T-800 burns himself to a crisp so that there’s no evidence for his future to become possible. But he shows John Connor it’s OK by giving him a final thumbs up as he disappears into molten gloopiness. We all cry buckets.
Arnie Magic: Tiny movement. Massive moment. Amazing.
The Moment: Arnie gives Richter what for at the end of Total Recall , holding him over the edge of a moving lift, only for Richter’s arms to get ripped off in the process. “I’ll see you at the party, Richter!” calls Quaid, before throwing his arms after him.
Arnie Magic: Bloody and funny – the perfect Arnie combo.
The Moment: The T-800 and T-1000 go 10 rounds in the back corridors at a mall, where they smash each other into walls. Meanwhile, the T-800 lands a few choice bullets in his opponent.
Arnie Magic: Arnie's not just a one-liner machine - he's also amazing when it comes to that famous physicality, as this scene shows.
The Moment: Matrix (Arnie) improvises in Commando when he finds a shed full of tools and needs weapons to defend himself against gun-toting army chaps. Hence fork impalings and hatchet-in-crotch squelchiness.
Arnie Magic: It’s gory. It’s sweaty. It’s glorious. It must be Arnie.
The Moment: “What you doing here?” Arnie jibes Sly in his church-set, two minute Expendables cameo. “Praying for work? You been sick? You lost weight.”
Arnie Magic: In one fell swoop, Arnie makes us wish he was in the entire movie.
The Moment: In The Terminator , Arnie manages to look like he knows his way around a .45 long slide as he goes gun shopping and reels off a long list of hardware he’s after. Then shoots the store owner the second he gets it. Who says Terminators don’t enjoy their job?
Arnie Magic: Kudos for remembering all that gun stuff.
The Moment: Arnie shows us what he’s made of in The Running Man when, as a ‘runner’ on a TV show, he uses barb wire to take down the first ‘stalker’ - the hulking, ice-skate-wearing Sub-Zero. “Hey Killian,” yells Arnie, unable to resist rubbing it in. “Here’s Sub-Zero, now plain zero!”
Arnie Magic: Only Arnie could bring down a man twice his size, and we'd still believe it.
The Moment: The T-800 and the T-1000 have a final fight at the steel mill, which basically just consists of the former getting smashed to piece by the latter, until you can barely recognise poor old Arnie.
Arnie Magic: By the time it comes to this climactic clash, you care so much about the T-800 that you don’t want it to die/get hardwired. All thanks to Arnie.
The Moment: After catching a glimpse of the alien’s face for the first time in Predator , Arnie has only one thing to say: “You're one ugly mutherfucka!”
Arnie Magic: Arnie’s greatest gift is often the ability to voice exactly what we’re thinking in a funny way, which is what he does here.
The Moment: In Twins , Arnie comes face-to-face with his ‘80s action rival – Sylvester Stallone. Alright, it’s just a picture of Sly, but it’s still funny.
Arnie Magic: A nod-nod-wink-wink that shows Arnie really doesn’t mind poking fun at himself – and the competition.
The Moment: A cleaner bothers the T-800 in The Terminator , demanding to know what the smell in his room is. In a flash, the T-800 has to choose from a selection of suitable responses…
Arnie Magic: Arnie delivers his reply as deadpan as they come. Even robots can swear, see!
Beefing up the Bard
The Moment: “To be or not to be? NOT TO BE!” In one of Last Action Hero ’s one true moments of self-referential genius, we see Arnie playing Jack Slater playing an action movie version of Hamlet – replete with cigars and machine guns.
Arnie Magic: Arnie doing Shakespeare? Why has he never done this before?!
Come with me if you want to live
The Moment: Sarah Connor (Linda Hamilton) gets the fright of her life in Terminator 2 when, during her escape attempt at the mental institute, she comes across the T-800. Adding to her confusion, he extends his hand and tells her: “Come with me if you want to live.”
Arnie Magic: Arnie says he’ll keep you alive? We don’t doubt it.
Crush Your Enemies
The Moment: What is best in life? According to a cross-legged, mean-looking Conan (in Conan The Barbarian ), it’s this: “To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women!” Wowsers.
Arnie Magic: His accent is barely comprehensible, but that somehow makes Arnie even more convincing as Conan.
The Moment: In Commando , Arnie’s Matrix dangles Sully over the edge of a very steep drop. “Remember when I said I’d kill you last… I lied!” he barks. And Sully plummets like a rag doll.
Arnie Magic: You really believe he could hold a man in one hand like that.
The Moment: "Consider that a divorce." In Total Recall , Quaid (Arnie) has his mind fucked further still when his supposed wife (Sharon Stone) turns up on Mars and beats the crap out of his supposed girlfriend. Quaid’s reaction? Shoot the bitch in the forehead and deliver a sucker-punch one-liner.
Arnie Magic: He can barely say the ‘v’ in ‘divorce’, but that’s why we love him.
The Moment: The arm wrestle hand-shake in Predator between Carl Weathers and Arnie. “Dillon! You son of a bitch!” yells Arnie, before SMACK, and the two are flexing their arms at each other like they’re angling for a date.
Arnie Magic: It’s supremely homoerotic, but Arnie doesn’t seem to mind.
The Moment: In an early action sequence from T2 , the T-800 and T-1000 go vehicle to vehicle as the latter attempts to capture the young John Connor. Protecting the cyber-hacking nipper, the T-800 looks cool wielding a shotgun on a set of seriously hot wheels – and does a good job at keeping the far superior T-1000 at bay.
Arnie Magic: Arnie shows he’s a multi-tasker at heart.
Hasta la vista baby
The Moment: The T-800 shows he’s learned a few things from the younger generation when he uses that killer line (suggested earlier by John Connor) as a sign-off when he shoots a frozen T-1000 and shatters him to pieces.
Arnie Magic: James Cameron may have written the line, but Arnie gives it that extra oomph. There’s a reason he gets paid the big bucks.
The Moment: Arnie lathers himself in mud (think of it as DIY war paint) and decides there’s only one way he’s going to best an invisible alien in Predator – by confronting the thing and challenging it to a one-on-one fight.
Arnie Magic: Far from looking like he’s on a spa treatment, Arnie actually makes himself even cooler by covering himself in smelly mud.
The Moment: During a gunfight in Predator , Arnie hurls a machete into the chest of a nearby soldier, pinning him to the wall. Ever the cool cat, he advises the dead guy to “stick around”. Dynamite.
Arnie Magic: It’s almost like he made it up on the spot…
The Moment: Arnie takes down psycho ex-CIA operative Bennett at the climax of Commando , tearing a metal pipe from a wall and spearing it through Bennett’s chest. The one-liner? “Let off some steam, Bennett.” Ahhh, bliss.
Arnie Magic: Even in the most graphic of kill scenes, Arnie’s ready to deliver a cheesy one-liner. Such is life.
The Moment: “I need your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle.” A naked Arnie strolls into a bar (in Terminator 2 ) and demands the Earthly possessions of a biker dude. Naturally, the biker doesn’t take kindly to this request and puts his cigar out on Arnie’s manpec, leading to a brief but brilliant bar scrap.
Arnie Magic: Not until Viggo Mortensen’s naked spa fight in Eastern Promises could anybody top Arnie’s similarly naked bar spat.
Back In Black
The Moment: "I'll be back." Of course it’s number one. The bit that everybody remembers The Terminator for, Arnie’s T-800 is told to bugger off by police security. Undeterred, the robotic assassin delivers that line, then smashes his car right into the police station. That told them.
Arnie Magic: Arnie completely convinces as a robot. And that’s a compliment.