Michael Bay is a f***ing retard!

Uwe Boll unleashes Postal on the UK DVD market this week so to commiserate we thought we’d take a look at some of his most mental moments.

7. House Of The Dead.
Often, terrible films contain scenes that make you wonder what the director was thinking when he wrote / directed them. Uwe Boll's flicks are an exception – they're comprised entirely of those scenes. Our favourite? House Of The Dead, but only because it inspired this fan video.

6. Casting Tara Reid as a scientist.
We’ll buy Tara Reid as a party girl. Hell, we’ll even buy her as a virgin in American Pie. We will not ever buy her as a scientist, Uwe, even if you do stick a pair of glasses on her face and hand her a script full of words she can’t pronounce properly. Even if she does do the sort of intense research she claims to have conducted in this interview.

5. Raging Boll.
In 2006 Boll invited five of his fiercest critics to take part in a ten round boxing match which would probably be his number one maddest moment if he hadn’t been a semi-pro boxer challenging a gang of out of shape geeks to a fight.

Unsurprisingly he won all of his matches, with some critics complaining that what they thought was a PR stunt had ended with them being punched in the face for real.

4. Believing Postal would beat Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull at the box office.
After realising that Postal’s May 23 release date would put it up against the new Indy flick, Boll made the following statement. "On the Indiana Jones weekend we will go out and destroy Indiana Jones in the Box Office! We all know that Harrison Ford is older as my grandpa and his time is up!â€

Sadly, history suggests that Boll may have slightly miscalculated. Postal made $282,750 in its opening weekend. Skull made $126,917,373.

3. Writing and directing this scene.
Uwe Boll has said that whilst he hasn’t seen There Will Be Blood, he thinks it’s a good movie. We like to pretend that this scene is what There Will Be Blood would’ve looked like if he’d directed it.

2. Dressing up as General Patton and telling people not to go and see Postal.
Possibly Boll’s weirdest bit of self-promotion (making it by proxy the weirdest bit of self promotion ever), Uwe followed his promise that Postal would beat Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull at the box office with this video telling people to go and see Skull instead of Postal. Perhaps that explains the box office figures we discussed earlier.

1. Calling Michael Bay a “Fucking retardâ€
In April 2008 Boll made a statement promising to comply if an online petition requesting he retire from film received a million signatures.

When that promise caused a spike in signed names, Uwe decided to retract his promise with an online video that accused Michael Bay and Eli Roth of being retards and George Clooney of being a bit repetitive.

Shockingly, Bay and Roth dignified the clip with statements of their own, which we’re sure made Boll grin wider than Ed Wood in a new dress.