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With the announcement of a Doctor Who live stadium event, you have to wonder – is there a form of popular media onto which Doctor Who hasn’t been transferred?
So, there’s going to be a touring Doctor Who Arena stage show, packed with monsters, stunts and video footage of Matt Smith and Karen Gillan. Sounds like a cracking night’s entertainment. Hope there are some ice-skating Ood, showjumping Orgrons and Daleks doing a demolition derby. Steven Moffat’s certainly excited: “This is everything I ever wanted since I was eleven. A live show, with all the coolest Doctor Who monsters, a proper story and brand new screen material for Matt Smith’s Doctor! I’ll be writing scenes for it, and probably attending every single night!”
- A TV show – obviously
- Two movies – the Peter Cushing Ones in the ’60s
- A number of radio series – including Slipback with Colin Baker, The Paradise Of Death with Jon Pertwee and Doctor Who And The Ghosts Of N-Space , again with Jon Pertwee… and you could count all those Big Finish plays that have been ported onto BBC7
- Various novels – both novelisations and new adventures, billions of them
- Comics – from TV21 to Doctor Who Monthly , and now even US-originated comics
- Stage plays – The Curse Of The Daleks (1965), Doctor Who And The Daleks In The Seven Keys To Doomsday (1974)
- A pantomime – Doctor Who: The Ultimate Adventure (it wasn’t) (1989)
- Video games – including Dalek Attack (1992) and Doctor Who And The Mines Of Terror (1986), with console games currently in development
- A text adventure – Doctor Who And The Warlord (1985)
- A cartoon – The Infinite Quest (2007), Dreamland (2009)
- An online animated serial – Scream Of The Shalka (2003)
- A porn film – Dr Loo and the Filthy Phaleks (erm, not sure this is exactly what you’d call official…) (2005)
- A pop sensation – “Doctor Whooo-oooo… HAH… Doctor Who! Doctor Whooo-oooo… HAH… the TARDIS!”
- A live classical musical experience – Doctor Who At The Proms
- A number of board games – Dodge The Dalek (1964), The Dalek Oracle (1965), Dalek Shooting Game (1965), Daleks: The Great Escape (1965), Doctor Who (1975), War Of The Daleks (1975), The Game Of Time And Space (1980), Battle For The Universe (1989) and others
- A card game – Doctor Who Top Trumps
- Role playing games – three to date
- Miniature wargames – Doctor Who: Invasion Earth (1999), Doctor Who Micro-Universe (2007)
- A pinball game – a pretty dreadful one, to be honest…
So what does that leave? How about:
- A ballet – Cybermen in tights, a yeti in a tutu and the Dance Of The Androgum Fairy
- An opera – a rock opera written by The Who, of course
- Ice dance extravaganza – The Ice Warriors invade the Ood homeworld. The Doctor saves the day by creating a time vortex with triple-axel. Amy nearly freezes to death because she’s Scottish and refuses to wear a coat like shandy drinking Southerners
- A circus – The Greatest Show In The Galaxy, with werewolves, ancient Norse Gods and a Sylvester McCoy playing the spoons
- Burlesque – K-9 scoots around the stage telling half-dressed cabaret acts, “I can see up your skirt from down here.” All the performers represent the Doctor’s female companions, playing up their unrequited lust for him. Apart from Susan, because that would just be wrong, and Tegan and Nyssa who clearly preferred each other…
- Punch And Judy – the Sixth Doctor and Peri argue incessantly, then Mel comes along and nicks all the Doctor’s sausages because he’s too fat
- An Andrew Lloyd Webber Musical – “The Caves Of Androzani” gets the West End treatment, following a 10-week Saturday night TV show to cast the Doctor. Unforgettable rhyming couplets include the Doctor’s “I’m not going to let you stop me now/Damn we’ve hit a planet, ow!”, “Change my dear, not a moment too soon”/“Oh crap, now you’re just an obnoxious buffoon” and “Once I was comely, a beautiful toff/Now I’m a Phantom Of The Opera rip-off.”
Any more suggestions?
DOCTOR WHO LIVE TOUR DATES 2010
8th, 9th and 10th October – London, Wembley Arena
12th and 13th October – Sheffield, Sheffield Arena
14th, 15th, 16th and 17th October – Glasgow, Glasgow SECC
18th, 19th and 20th October – Birmingham, Birmingham NIA
22nd, 23rd and 24th October – Manchester, Manchester Evening News Arena
25th and 26th October – Nottingham, Nottingham Trent FM Arena
28th, 29th, 30th, 31st October – Cardiff, Cardiff International Arena
2nd, 3rd November – Liverpool, Liverpool Echo Arena
6th and 7th November Belfast, Belfast Odyssey Arena
