Damon Lindelofs Plan To Reboot Terminator

NOTE! The Lost and Star Trek writer hasn’t been offered the job, but clearly things would be interesting if he was…

“The whole ‘dark depressing futuristic apocalypse’ thing is played out. Enough with the machines driving over human skulls. We need us some COMEDY. Look at those numbers for Bridesmaids and Hangover 2 . Can you imagine the box office if those movies had HOMICIDAL ROBOTS in them?!? And since we’re evoking Arnold’s work already (evoking is free, by the way – suck it, lawyers), why not combine Terminator with Schwarzenegger’s greatest comedic work?
Yeah. That”s right. Kindergarten frigging Cop .

“Buckle up. Here comes the gold.

“Humans in dystopian future learn that a Terminator traveled back in time and impregnated a woman, resulting in a half-cybernetic child that will grow up to be humankind’s DESTROYER! But due to technological ineptitude, we can't lock down the mother’s identity (and thus the kid's), narrowing their whereabouts to a school in a pleasant coastal town.

“And so our story begins as a gruff, futuristic badass with great comedic chops (we’re screwed if the Rock says no) representing the hopes of all humanity travels back to 2012 to identify the half-Terminator 5-year-old by substituting as a kindergarten teacher. And then, after a series of comedic misunderstandings? Kill the little bastard.

“Pretty sure we can get a PG-13 as long as no one smokes and when the kid gets shot in the face we do it in a classy way.”

Dave is a TV and film journalist who specializes in the science fiction and fantasy genres. He's written books about film posters and post-apocalypses, alongside writing for SFX Magazine for many years.