Clique and destroy
Contrary to what those naughty boys in Pink Floyd may have told you, society very much does need education. Thought-control: not so much. If it weren't for the godsend of modern schooling, we might just spend our entire lives having non-stop, unregulated fun--that is before slinking into a ditch and dying of scurvy.
Solid Snake hams it up with the performing arts crowd
Eurgh, school assemblies, remember those? Packed in tight to a sweaty, stinking gym room, squished in amongst a suite of alphabetically selected neighbours (how's that leg room Xander Zane?), and patrolled by a cast of half-mad caffeine-addicts. It just couldn't get any worse, right? Wrong, because today's assembly just so happens to be a very special assembly indeed. Today boys and girls, we're going to see just what the performing arts crowd have been up to for the last 6 months
Lara Croft lords it over the Preppies/ Public School Kids
If owning fat stacks of cash really does make you better than everyone else, then High School's insufferable rich kids just bumped Mother Theresa from her hard-won top spot. Tough luck, lady. Backed up by daddy's money, these miniature lords and ladies of the lunchroom can get away with pretty much anything they desire--up-to-and-including marooning themselves on an ancient, mysterious island. While Lara Croft may have been able to overcome her genteel upbringing as part of a one-woman war on smelly, scary mercenaries, it isn't too hard to imagine this cutthroat duchess playing the role of high school mean girl.
Gordon Freeman gets revenge for... the Nerds
Boy, the role of high school nerds certainly has changed since my day. So much so, in fact, that today's teenaged terrors are almost as likely to suck up to Steve Jobs jnr as they are to punch him flush in the groin. Of course, Jockly McManus never needed any help opening his filofax, but in a world of smartphones, tablets and runaway dick pics, the tech-head kid is king. Well, sort of.
Wander wallows with... the Emos
Ah Emos, the hair-brained Harley Quinns to the Goths brooding Batmen. Cut from the same basic cloth--but essentially unique--these colourful, oftentimes sad-sack individuals derive their name from the Australian flightless bird--the emu--well known for its super-lame parents and intolerable high-pitched scream. First discovered way back in the mid-2000s, the common Emo, along with its many subtle derivations is today considered one of the main staple cliques of high school life.
Donkey Kong goes all bro with the Jocks/ Chavs
Big, brainless and rather partial to the flinging of faeces, Jocks, Chavs and cartoon apes already have plenty in common. Add to that an intense affection for fast cars, gaudy sportswear and backwards caps, and we may just be dealing with the missing link in human evolution. While by no means identical, these transatlantic twins do share many of the same calling cards. Intimidation? Check. Perspiration. Oh yeah. Unresolved personal crises. You betcha. Toss in some petty vandalism charges and together you're looking at the 'yank' and 'limey' of grunting machismo madness.
Lulu languishes with... the Goths/ Metalheads
To the outside observer these two groups of glum-faced navel-gazers may seem similar, but to the black-clad kids themselves, Goth and Metalhead remain an entirely separate species. One side prizes darkness, anger and heavily downtuned guitars, the other is a tough-talking sentient pebble with an unquenchable thirst for justice. Ok, scratch that last one, they're both basically the first bit.
Beat shreds with the Skaters
Few social groups are as readily identified as the common everyday Skater. Skaters, well, they just skate. Whether on rollerblades, skateboards, or 'The Contrabulous Fabtraption of Professor Horatio Hufnagel', these landlocked surfer dudes abound on every inch of curb, pavement and sidewalk available. With scant few unifying features--even their clothes are simply 'skate-wear'--spotting these folks out in the wild can prove a tough old task, especially when seen without their trademark decks.
The Prince slurps coffee with the Hipsters/ Indie Kids
Obscure, critically acclaimed and quirky to the point of nosebleed nausea, Namco's Katamari Damacy series bears all of the hallmarks of a honking great hipster. Spawned in the fire pits of Isengard these omni-cultural creations spread high-and-wide across the land like a plague of spectacle wearing locusts. Armed with the singular power of irony, one lone Hipster can successfully transform up to 50 square miles of terrain into nought but coffee shops and quaint clothing boutiques. Sound familiar? Why, it's the same basic premise as Katamari: you drop by, take in the town, attach yourself to a few influential people and pow--you're now a writhing mass of sneering pomposity.
