Show:LAGtv
Host: A guy with hair where his mind should be
This gaming chatshow starts bad with the host (called Heath) fluffing his gormless, spiky-haired intro.
"I'm stretching here, so I don't wound myself during the show because things are about to get wacky…it's Friday let… uggh…. lets turn this thing on."
CUE TITLES
‘Wacky’, for Christ’s sake. After effectively displaying an inability to speak English words in a sentence, this witless haircut continues to ‘host’ perhaps the most appalling example of a games TV show we’ve ever seen.
It’s punctuated by vast embarrassing pauses of dead air and it takes a strong constitution to watch it all without blushing yourself to death.
“Yayyy… alright… what's up guys… what's up guys… welcome to LAG TV, it is Friday, it is Friday and that means all kinds of fun. What's up guys?”
The show is apparently, “comin' at you live and interactive”, which translates to occasional messages from Xbox Live users. There’s a big guy working the back room, servicing the sporadic and frankly welcome interruptions from any Live user bored enough to message in. And to be fair, this guy is the best thing in the show by far. He’s clearly quite natural and relaxed in front of the camera. If he fronted the show it would be 36 billion times better.
Sadly this is not the case. What we have is bum-brained Heath. And a couple of gaming ‘experts’, one of which is a girl. But the expertise of these co-hosts is easily called into question. Watch when the rumor of an Xbox 720 is discussed.
"Couldn't they have come up with something more original like… Xbox Evolution”, the girl says.
Original like Turok: Evolution, Virtua Fighter 4: Evolution, R: Racing Evolution, Everquest: Evolution, 4x4 Evolution, and Bubble Bobble: Evolution…?
She continues, "There was talk about… as far as improvements (helpful quotation finger gesture) and what they were looking for and anticipating in the new next next gen console… was possible a blue tooth headset… getting rid of the huge energy brick… less cable jungle cable action… (finger on chin thoughtfully) lets see… what else… obviously increased graphics and more gameplay. You know… more advanced engine for…” (jiggles thumbs up and down).
That’s insight right there.
Spin forward to: 15.06
Enjoy the spectacle of a room full of bozos trying to get viewer (Corekillaking) to actually say anything.
Spin forward to: 38.36
Watch as Haircut does an online report and tries to be funny. Watch as he, sing-songs the words… "I was surfing, I was diving… I was doing my thing…." Watch as he tries to encourage the camera to come closer. Before making the dimwits in the room laugh about World War II. Watch as you force your thumbs deep into your eyeholes.
Spin forward to: 41.43
Watch as Haircut tries to explain the simple point that Phil Harrison was very keen on the concept of social gaming while allegedly Sony Japan was less keen.
"I can't, I can't there's so much information in this, I'm trying to…"
"I'm, all over the place… I'm sorry…"
It. Is. Excruciating.
Someone says at one point that, “we're not actors, we're gamers.” But it'd be better if they were actors, actors acting as stereotypical dumbo gamers. If so they'd be superb actors. As it is they're just a bunch of stereotypical dumbo gamers.
There's a lot of crap on the web. A lot of talentless drivel, which often goes viral and people laugh at. This isn't that. This is just bad. And let’s be clear here, this is not good bad. Not ironic bad. Not funny bad. It’s just properly bad. After years of ironic internet parody some of you might have forgotten what that is. Watch and remember.
