8. Jason Mars isn%26rsquo;t much of a character
Are you a parent? If so, then your ability to project your own kids onto fictitious ones might have given you a soft spot for poor, doomed Jason Mars. Ditto if you just really, really love kids. For everyone else, though, he’s an annoying little shit who does absolutely nothing endearing or interesting before getting himself obliterated.
Does that seem callous? Then ask yourself: what does Jason do, exactly? Well, he introduces himself by asking to drive Ethan's car in that weird French accent of his. Then he plays with you in the backyard, kicking you in the shin if you let him. Then he wanders off in a crowded mall, interrupting your scolding to insist that you buy him a balloon.
Above: Ugh, fine, I’ll reward your terrible behavior
Then he wanders off again, forcing you to shove through a crowd that only seems to be thick right where you’re standing, all so you can follow his balloon out the door and into the street.
Above: WHAT THE HELL, PEOPLE?
Then, just as your irritation threshold has reached its peak, he runs back across the street without looking, and gets creamed by a car going at most 15 miles per hour. And we’re clearly supposed to be sad about it, because the game assumes that, no matter how irritating, reckless or disobedient a kid is, we’ll automatically love him just because he’s a (fake) kid.
And while we’re on the subject of that collision, take a look at this image, of the moment just before impact:
Soooo… Jason is directly shielded from the impact of a slow-moving car by Ethan’s body, and Ethan lived to spend the next six months in a coma. But the suggestion is that Jason died instantly. We’re not saying it’s impossible, but it does seem to contradict much of what we know about getting hit by cars.
Meanwhile, we did get attached to Jason’s brother, Shaun – but only because we spent some time getting to know the morose little guy (something we never did with Jason) and wanted to make him happy. So at least Quantic got the “sympathetic kid” thing right the second time around.
9. Chickens in a supermarket?
Wow, really?
At one point, Jayden has to chase down a suspect, who ducks into a supermarket to avoid him. In typical movie-criminal fashion, the quick-thinking perp starts throwing food all over the floor to slow you down, which near the end of the chase includes around a dozen live chickens.
Above: Also, that’s one gray-ass supermarket
Again, we know, we’re picking nits. But when was the last time you ever saw chickens in a supermarket? Even at farmer’s markets, it’s rare to see livestock for sale, and most Americans are so squeamish about butchering their own food that it’d be almost unthinkable to see them for sale in a store of that size. Is this another European thing? Or was it just that nobody expected us to think about it for more than five seconds?
10. Toilets
There isn’t anything negative about the toilets in Heavy Rain, but they’re a distraction nonetheless – come on, did you ever pass up an opportunity to use one?
We didn’t:
Mar 2, 2010
Having trouble wrapping your head around MW2's story? You're not alone
Heavy Rain's BIG plot-holes
15 reasons the supposedly brainy epic makes no more sense than Modern Warfare 2
The Top 7... Least-irritating quick time events
Pressing buttons on cue can be more than just a crutch – here's proof
